The Rage
by Zosie aka Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: Bella Swan rescues a small green eyed copper haired baby boy from a car stranded in a flooded creek. She is then rescued by the apparent father, an angry Edward Cullen. Can she trust him to love and care for his own child? And where is the real mother? M
1. Chapter 1

The Rage

Chapter 1

The Angel In The Water

God Damn Charlie!

God Damn Jacob Black!

Clearly God has already damned me for trusting their judgement.

"This truck will be around long after you are old and gray and dead and gone, Bella. It's not like these flimsy modern cars made of plastic and held together with duct tape. No, The Beast will go on forever." announced my father as I looked dubiously at his Welcome Home from College present.

A rusty red truck that may have been older than him.

Jake stood there, smiling broadly, his gorgeous face wreathed in a smile a mile wide.

"I rebuilt the engine myself. Nothing can stop this baby.

She will get you through snowbanks, deserts, rainstorms, and wildfire. "

Never trust a med student to rebuild your car engine.

Okay, he didn't actually say it would get me across a flooded creek..well it used to be a creek, it has always been a creek when I have driven over it in the past.

A small, bubbling, friendly creek, not this raging torrent I had assumed The Beast could handle.

I was wrong.

I tried to open the door but the water was rushing so fast it was clearly impossible. I considered climbing out the window but the darn handle stuck when the glass was only halfway down, and I may be small and slim, but even I could not fit through that gap.

Then as I started to panic, I realized the passenger door, being on the other side of the truck, was not being held shut by floodwater, so I wriggled across to the passenger seat and it opened easily. Well, as easily as a rusty old creaky door could. I contemplated my next move. The water was rushing by under the truck, and I will probably get knocked off my feet and swept away if I step into the water.

Good one, Bella. Attempting to cross a flooded causeway was not up there in my list of Ten Best Things To Do This Summer.

I looked around and noticed the trees lining the creek were all old and their branches touched the top of my cab. If I climbed up onto the cab roof, I could maybe climb onto a branch and maybe manage to get to the edge of the creek that way.

Checking around one last time to make sure there were no amused onlookers watching me, Clumsy Bella, make an absolute exhibition of herself, wearing the ridiculous short pink mini dress my best friend Alice had insisted I 'had' to have, and had to wear, I managed to keep my bag with me by putting the strap over my head and hanging it down my back, thus keeping both hands free. Swinging up onto the roof of the cab was far easier said than done and I knew my panties were on show for all the world to see as I heaved and grabbed onto the roof and finally stood, filthy, wet and exhausted but victorious. Huh, take that Jake.

He had awarded me the Clumsy Bella nickname back when we were small kids and he had challenged me repeatedly to prove the title no longer fit but every time I had tried to do something clever and nimble and athletic, I had failed. Not today, though. Jacob would not believe I climbed up here like some monkey and I took a bow to my non-existing audience, who were clapping and giving me a standing ovation for my skilled escape from The Beast.

I knew that darn truck was trying to kill me, I just thought it was killing me with embarassment, by being the oldest and ugliest form of transport anyone ever drove, not by luring me into flooded creeks and drowning me.

The next step would normally be the tricky bit but my Dad had made the mistake of letting the grand old tree beside my bedroom window grow and stretch its branches out so I had been climbing in and out my window since I was five years old. Climbing trees was the one area of 'sport' I excelled.

I grabbed the nearest branch and swung my legs up. It was rough and scratched against my thighs but whatever, I was no cry baby, I was a twenty two year old tomboy who could out climb any contender. I stood carefully and walked along the branch. It was not as substantial as the branches on my own tree but it was strong and whippy and bent rather than broke. I know tree brances, I can assess in minutes what will take my weight and what won't and this branch was a winner. I held on to the branch above and inched my way to the trunk, then climbed down quickly as I slipped and slid against the slimy wetness. "Oops, hold on tight spidermonkey" I cautioned myself as I almost took the last step to the ground in one very large drop. I swung down from the lowest branch and felt like a winner. Where is my medal, huh, Jake? I bet he couldn't have managed that as quickly as I had.

My dress was torn, haha Alice, her words "Buy it Bella, you will get years of wear out of it" were now invalid, one wear, Alice, it lasted one single wear. Of course, she never imagined I would climb out of a flooded truck and along a tree while wearing it, I will give her that.

It was tattered and shredded and my legs were muddy, mossy, slimy and scratched and sore.

Seriously, I looked around because with my usual luck, this would be the point when some gorgeous, perfect, amazing man , probably with copper hair and green eyes, because that is my ideal combination even though I have never met a man with those qualities, walked by and saw me dishevelled and muddy, and laughed at me, because that is the kind of luck Bella Swan has. But no, there was no Prince Charming to grin at my humiliation today so that made it a good day, right? Nobody was here to see me filthy and half naked and muddy with a little blood sliding down from the grazes and scratches on my legs.

Shit no.

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is blood.

My head swam and I handed my medal back.

Fail.

The wet ground welcomed me as everything went black and I slumped down in double quick time.

x~x~x~x~x~x

"I don't want to get up, Rose, go without me".

Why was Rose making that God awful din and why was she pouring water on my face? She usually just pulled the blankets off me and tossed me onto the floor of our dorm room to wake me up, evil woman.

I opened one eye.

No Rose, no dorm, no college.

Those four years were behind me, finished, gone forever.

Best years of my life?

I fucking hope not, though I have to say, things have not improved since graduation.

The trip home from NYU, now that was fun. Two college graduates spent the entire flight trying to hit on Rose while I was cast aside as not even worth speaking to. I really have to find some plainer friends, I thought as I stood up on shaky legs and refused to look at the..red stuff on my legs. Don't look and it wouldn't be there.

"Ow ow ow" I screamed and smoothed down the remnants of tattered cloth, like it would hide my wet and semi frozen body.

Maybe I should have grabbed my jeans out of the cab and not bothered with my homemade patchwork bookbag?

I opened it and examined its contents.

One baggy sweater insisted on by one non trusting father who thinks all boys are after one thing, or two anyway, and he insists I take a sweater and keep those puppies covered. I took it off the moment I drove out of our street, of course.

A cellphone, but as I knew last night, it was a cellphone with a dead battery. I meant to charge it. God, Alice had given me so many instructions.

Wear the pink dress, shave your legs, wax your ladies parts, put a red rinse through your boring brown tresses, wear that pair of shoes I bought you for your birthday, put on make up, use the flat iron and straighten your hair, blah blah blah. I did everything she had said but at no point had she actually said charge up your phone, so, no, I had not done that.

Damn Alice.

She can join my list of people I am wishing to hell.

It's not like the bloody party was even worth the effort of dressing up and driving all this way. Mike Newton was the pick of the talent as usual so how sad is that? Damned Alice, she snagged the only hot guy in Forks, Jasper Whitlock, the moment he moved to the town, six years ago.

We were Juniors and Alice was on him the minute he walked into the school. Like, the minute. One second, there she was, moaning about my poor dressing skills and telling me red was not, and never would be, my color and where in God's name did I buy those ridiculous imitation jeans from because no manufacturer worth a shit would put a label on them, and did I seriously think Chuck's were shoes? They were for children and the poor and ignorant, not someone like me who had potential to look passably good if I just made an effort.

"I mean, you have nice eyes, they aren't the usual boring nothing brown, not like your hair, they have depth and highlights of color, little flecks of green, you have amazing eyes, Bella. But do you highlight them and use a smoky gray shadow and black mascara and make them pop? No, they are wasted on you. Hello"

It should have been Goodbye because she was gone in a superhuman flash and my head was spinning as I followed her with my 'amazing but unadorned' eyes.

Hot damn.

He was amazing. The town of Forks had never housed a man with his looks before. I saw Mike Newton's face drop as he realized he just went from Top Pick Of the Bunch to Who The Fuck Is Mike Newton Again?

Alice was almost raping this beautiful man but who the heck could blame her.

"You don't know how long I have waited for you. Heck, the entire town has waited for you. I am Alice Brandon and I am yours. Do whatever you want with me."

Shit, Alice was smooth. And fast. And had eyes like a hawk. I hadn't even seen this God among men arrive.

I wondered what car he drove, but who cared, with his looks if he owned The Beast's twin brother, everyone would find it hot and quirky and eccentric, not lame and embarrassing.

I stood back and watched and learnt.

Alice was the Master when it came to men. And have no doubts, this was a man. Not a mere boy like the rest of these yahoos whose company we are forced to keep day after boring day.

Oh, yes, he is holding Alice's hand, opening the door to the cafeteria for her, gazing into her eyes that are so beautiful she doesn't need gray shadow to make them pop.

That was the last anybody saw of them for the rest of the day. I waited after school to see if she needed a lift home as usual but she never showed so I went home and wrote about the awesomeness of the new guy and the quickness of the pixie, and sighed in disappointment that he would never know I existed.

The next morning, Alice sent me a text saying she was right for a lift so don't bother coming to get her and I just shrugged and wondered where she spent the night.

Alice had been very vocal about the two of us saving ourselves for the right man and she had been sure Mr Right would never reside in Forks, so her motto was "no Forks fucking" but I kind of think that may have been repealed last night.

She also said, when Mr Right turned up, don't hang about being coy and playing hard to get or someone else will get him first, just go get him.

She had.

They walked in, arm in arm, and she introduced us all to the gorgeously gorgeous Mr Jasper Fuck Me I Am Beautiful Whitlock.

If those aren't his middle names, then shoot his mother because they should be.

There was not a girl in the school who didn't feel her ladies parts come of age that day, we all sat restlessly in our chairs, wondering what these new feelings and longings were, and more to the point, what the hell were we meant to do to quieten them? Unless Jasper was a manho, and I know we all voted for him to be just that, then only Alice would benefit from his no doubt talented fingers and tongue. Gah, why did I even think that? Now my panties will be damp all day and no hope of relief. I gazed at Mike. Maybe I had been a little hasty. Maybe he wasn't plain and boring and unattractive and a last resort for the desperate?

Nuh, he was.

I sat by the tree that let me climb to safety and looked deeper in my bag. One travel pack of tissues, boy, they will be handy. I ripped them free of their plastic case and mopped blindly at my legs and hoped I was cleaning away the..red stuff.

The rain still poured down.

Ah, I have a kohl pencil. Great. Now I can have panda eyes while I sit here pondering how I will die. By drowing, if this rain keeps up, the entire earth will disappear and we will all drown. By hunger. No, I have breath mints. I opened the packet and decided I needed to ration them, it could be days before anyone found me. One per hour. That gives me twelve hours but at least if I starve later, I will die with fresh minty breath.

I sucked on it and let the flavor fill my mouth. Yuk, I knew I should have bought a better brand, dying after eating a packet of generic own brand breath mints was a horrible way to go. Now, Tic Tacs, that would have at least let me go with some dignity.

A comb. Yeah, my hair is frizzy in the rain and I must look like a teddy bear who got dropped in the toilet by now, I don't think a comb will be a lot of use.

I tried combing it through my hair but it stuck and I couldn't get it out again. Oh well, when they do the post mortem, that will puzzle them.

"Died while drowning, having eaten cheap mints, but I think the comb is significant...but what does it mean? What was she trying to tell us?"

They will lie awake in their beds for nights, pondering that question.

Unless they have partners, then they won't give it a second thought and will just have sex all night.

What else? A ticket stub from the cinema. Handy. If you need to reenter cinema, you must show stub. I will hold onto that then.

Lipstick. Passionate Pink.

I wore that damn lipstick last night and nobody got passionate with me. I want a refund. All these promises, you buy a lipstick with Passionate in it's title, expecting it to deliver. I damn it to hell with Charlie, Jake and Alice.

Hmm, so, if Alice is in Hell, Jasper is lonely and free again. I must make a note of that in my diary when I get home. Maybe I will keep the Passionate Pink lipstick, it might come in handy after all.

Spare panties. Ah, Alice's first rule, always take clean undies, you will feel grotty doing the walk of shame in yesterday's knickers. Always carry a spare pair.

And she chose this pair. Black,lacy sexy, thong. I hate thongs, I spend the whole time digging the bit up the back out of my ass crack. Not a good look. But at least I hadn't taken Rose's advice and gone commando under this dress, that would have been mega humiliating. Rose never wore panties when going to a party, it saved time apparently if you found Mr Right Now. Rose liked to sit on the laps of hot men and wriggle her naked bits on their bulges, and I think she even lowered their zips and did them right there in front of everyone, nobody being much the wiser. Course she waited until we were all drunk and she could have probably just thrown Mr RN onto the floor and done him properly and we wouldn't notice.

Dental floss.

Never leave home without dental floss. I flossed my teeth but unlike the lady in the ad on tv, my entire world didn't seem brighter for the experience. False advertising again.

Band aids. A condom, use by date...let me see...oh, three years ago. Handy. Alice says you need to always carry a condom but she probably meant, if you never have sex, update the darn thing yearly at least.

I toss it away, then retrieve it, I don't want some horny teen to find it and use it and knock up his Maths teacher.

I know, not many students have sex with their teachers, so we are told, but Eric Yorkie spent every break in the private Teacher's Lounge with Miss Abigail Wiggins when we were seniors and the next year at our first reunion, she had this ugly baby in a pram and it looked a lot like a small version of Eric. Even he noticed, he decided he had an emergency and fled from the hall mere minutes after arriving, thus taking away another Mr RN option from us unattached females.

A half full packet of cigarettes. I can't help laughing. I really should clean this bag out more. Jake and I smoked these one day when I was in grade six, so he was in grade ten, was it? We were kids. He had money for his birthday, so we bought a pack of cigarettes, convincing the shop keeper on the Res they were for Jake's uncle who was visiting. Then we sat on the beach and chain smoked until we were dry retching. I had to be home by 3pm, we didn't have time to work out the finer points of smoking, we just lit them up and sucked the smoke down deep and coughed until our eyes watered, but neither would give in, we were both determined to be the last man standing.I was the last man vomiting, I vomited far more than Jake did so I claimed the victory. Of course, Charlie grounded me for a month and Jake wasn't allowed to even phone so it sucked. Keeping me restricted in my bedroom was nothing, I just read my favorite classics and cried for the damsel's and got a Juliet complex, and started to hate Romeo for being such a dumbass and not making sure she was dead, honestly, men, so impulsive.

They never allow the possibility things might not be as they first seem, oh no, it's all, well look at that, she looks dead, I had better kill myself, oh she isn't, sorry about that babe. And I bet he would have been well pissed if she hadn't topped herself too. What was she thinking anyway? No man is worth it, heck, plenty of other Romeo's in the sea.

So long as you aren't fishing in Forks for one because that is one arid Romeo-free area, since Alice and Jasper got engaged, and moved to a place other than Forks. That's where we all want to live, a place other than Fork's. I wonder if my dad really believes there is such a place? He is always blathering on about how Fork's has everything, and I admit, if everything consists of a diner, a flat screen tv and a place to fish for fish in, yeah, Fork's has all that covered. Want more? Get the hell out, go live in a place other than Forks.

Hmm, my last possession, a nail file. I bet Rose slipped that in because I have never owned a nail file in my life. I look at my broken, stubby nails and think maybe I should have invested in one, really. Might have meant I had something to paint when I get to dress up like a fool and prance down the aisle with Rose, in front of Alice.

The bridesmaids dresses are an adorable shade of salmon. I don't even eat salmon, let alone dress in it. And don't point out, I am wearing pink, aren't I, and salmon is just another shade of pink. Wrong. Salmon is like what pink looks like after something vomits it up. I hate salmon.

I attempt to file my nails but they are soft from the dampness and rain so I give up and put it in my pocket. Heck, mint time, must be an hour by now.

I help myself to another breath mint and wonder how many calories they hold. Does it take more energy to suck this sucker to death, or is my ass expanding as I sit here in the delightful mud. Rose says mud is good for your complexion so about now I am hoping she is right. If it's true, I am going to come out of this adventure with stunning skin, on my bum, mainly.

Hair..not so much. Maybe I should cut it off? Why do I spend half my life fighting with this long, tangled mess? It doesn't like me and is always protesting by frizzing in the rain and tangling up even just in bed at night. I even have one of those silk pillowcases that old ladies with permed hair use to keep their do looking fresh and mauve. Who started the whole mauve hair thing? Did some gay hairdresser have a bet with his boyfriend?

"Hey, Nigel, I hate women so much. I bet I can get every woman over sixty to let me dye their hair some ridiculous, never seen in nature, color? Green? Purple? No, let's go blue, blue for boys. What's that you say? Mix blue and purple and get some stupid mauve color going? You are on, boyfriend. I will have millions of old ladies thinking they look great with mauve hair and when they are on their deathbeds, they will all wonder "What the fuck was I thinking? I have spent my entire old age with mauve hair. I wasted my ..." what's the word for old youth? Though nowadays people waste their youth with purple hair so maybe Nigel's boyfriend changed the world even more than he thought.

I stood and packed my many possessions back in my bag and wondered if I should change into my clean thong now, these knickers I am wearing are pretty mud caked, or do I save them in case some handsome prince comes along and finds me? Then I will ask him to wait while I dash behind a tree and he will find my knickers so clean and dazzling, he will overlook my frizzy hair with the comb artfully tangled in it, and kiss me stupid, and rip my new, clean panties off me...well, that would just be a waste of panties. Maybe I should go commando, save him time like Rose said. Keep all his energy for the main event. With my luck, it will be Nigel who comes along on his white horse and rescues me, and I will end up with no devirginizing fuck, just a nice mauve rinse. Cos that's how I roll.

I wander further along the riverbank, as I can no longer call it a creek, it came of age today, I pronounce you a fully fledged river.

Ha, I laugh when I see a car actually half submerged and Charlie is right about one thing. The water may have stopped The Beast running but no way would it ever manage to sweep it down the river like this little heap of imported plastic shit. How do they even qualify as a car? More like an oversized rollerskate. It is wedged firmly between rocks but the water is cascading in the back window and out the front.

Something's inside. Shit, is there a dog in that car? Has some heartless prick left a poor little dog inside the car while they swam to safety? God, I hate people. I scramble over the rocks and the car is too far out for me to get to, but I can see movement, something is fighting under one of those hideous crocheted blankets they have in old folks homes.

As I watch in indignation, my heart suddenly clenches as a small, pink, human baby hand appears at the glass. Shit. Shit,do something, Bella.

I run/slip back to the bank and climb the tree whose branch hangs over the small car and climb along and the branch dips under my weight so it is almost touching, nope, slam, make that touching, the roof. I lean in and pull the blanket free and toss it in the river. Its wet and stinks. The baby looks surprised then bursts into loud sobs as I try and maneuver myself further inside without getting off the branch. It would flip up without my weight and I would be stranded on the car, with the abandoned baby. Those bloody baby seat straps are a fucking nightmare, how the fuck do they release? I grab the baby but can't pull him, whatever, it free from the seat. Damn.

Slow down and think, Bella. I look at the clip and see it has some twisty thing so I twist and it opens and the little guy almost falls face first out so I grab his sleepysuit thingey by the front and haul him up and into my arms. Evidently he likes being suspended in the air above a raging torrent as he laughs and kicks. He is some cute kid and I laugh despite the seriousness of the situation because he has green eyes, like emeralds, and a mop of copper curls. My knight in shining armor. Only I am saving him. I squiggle along the branch and thank God I didn't change knickers because the bark is killing this pair, and I carefully lower us to the ground. He is smiling now.

"Hey there, kiddo. So...my name's Bella and you would be?'

He grins and dribbles down his chin. Damn it, even my ideal man is not perfect. Whatever, drooling is not as bad as some men's habits, I guess.

"I will just call you Little Prince. So, I have actually been looking for a cute guy with your coloring all my life. Want to go on a date with me? I promise not to kiss you until you are eighteen. Shit, how far away is that? Not that it matters, there really isn't anyone else in line in front of you. Maybe Jake? And you are one handsome dude."

I place his little baby Nike clad feet on the ground and he slumps and cries. Shit, he must be one of the pre walking versions. How old does that make him?

A sudden rushing sound alerts me some bad shit is about to happen and I grab my first boyfriend and climb back up the nearest tree and sit tight as a massive wave of water rushes towards the small car and I grimace as The Beast falls into the water, and is tossed like a pebble, and it crashes into the little car and sweeps it away in front of it.

"Bye, Beast. Sorry I never taught you how to swim."

The roar of the water deadens my words and I cling tight to the little tyke and hope it will calm down again. He falls asleep, squeezed so close to my boobs I hope he can breathe, I remember Rose telling me she nearly smothered a fully grown man with her boobs once and this little guy is so soft and quiet. Shit, he is breathing, right? Do you have to check that? Is that a rule of motherhood, do you have to go in and check they are still breathing? I raise him to my cheek and his fresh baby breath that needs no mints, washes over me. Alive. Thank God. Not for long if I don't find food. How many days will I spend marooned in a tree before we starve? I grab my bag and examine it, he might just fit if I toss the crap out. I lay the sweater and g string on a branch and tip everything else into the raging waters below and rip the remains of my dress from my body and drop it below, then off with the mud caked bra and what's left of the knickers. Then I slither the gstring onto my bare ass, not that it covers a lot, and pull the sweater over my head. The baby is still slumped against me, and we are wedged so tightly I just pull the sweater over him as well. Hmm, should have chosen a longer one, this one barely covers my ass. I ease him so he is half inside my bag, and put the strap over my head.

The baby wakes me from my exhausted slumber when he starts giving me a hickey on my left breast.

"Hey, kiddo, none of that. Charlie would never fall for this story."

He is rooting around with his mouth and it hits me, he is one of the breastfed variety but I may have the equipment but it isn't in working mode.

I turn him so his back is against my chest so he isn't tempted by the closeness of my boobs, and he drifts off again. What the fuck can I do? Me dying in a tree wearing a sweater and a sexy gstring is kind of expected, Charlie would nod his head and say "We knew it would come down to this", but there is no way this little tyke deserves to die here.

The rush of water is lessening and the noise abates.

I have to get us down and start walking along the road I drove down a lifetime ago. Baby sleeps and snuggles in close and a car appears on the horizon, tearing towards us.

A shiny silver Volvo. Shit. My knight in shining armor-all cleaned vehicle screeches to a stop and jumps out. Fuck me, he is like the big brother of the kid here. All green eyes and copper hair, but his eyes are hard and angry and his hair is messier than mine, yet no comb as far as I can spot.

"Victoria? Where is my son?"

I shrug and step back, he is one crazy dude and I don't want him anywhere near my Little Prince.

His yelling has woken the baby who struggles under my sweater and I try to save what little dignity I have left as I fish him out and don't expose the puppies to this angry man.

"Give him to me, you bitch" he hollers and snatches Little Prince off me.

LP cries and reaches out towards me.

Huh?

The AA (Angry Asshole) reluctantly hands him back. I hug LP in close and kiss his hair and he stops crying.

"Get in the car" he snarls. I wonder if I should. Maybe we should take our chances with the river.

"Where is your car, by the way?' he growls.

"In the river, it got washed away" I snarl back. What the hell stick is up his butt?

He screeches the tires as he does a 180 degree turn and speeds back the way he came.

"Were you that fucking anxious for my money that you would drive here in this weather and risk not only your life, but his as well? I knew you would be a piss poor mother, that's the only reason I agreed to this. Where the fuck are your clothes? Though, you weren't wearing many that night, either, I seem to recall. Do you make a habit of walking around naked? No wonder you have a stray child."

Oooh, nasty.

"He didn't get here by immaculate conception" I throw back at him. I heard that in a movie once and always wanted to say it to someone. Wait till Jake hears I actually found a situation I could use it in. He loses that bet.

The car screeches to a halt and he leans in close to my face so I pull away.

"I know I fucked you and made you pregnant. Believe me, if I could take back that night, I would. Now, when we get to the house, go straight upstairs and have a shower for God's sake and I will get some of my sister's clothes for you and you will be respectful when I introduce you to my parents, and if you expect me to support you and your spawn you will play along and pretend we were in a real relationship, not a drunken one night screwfest at a party, and we broke up because...shit, think of a reason that makes me look good."

"Because you didn't want to inflict your charming personality onto me and your innocent child?" I suggest.

"Bitch. If I had met you before I was blind drunk, believe me, it would never have happened."

"I think it would take a shitload of alcohol to make you look good" I replied.

"Well, you didn't think so on the night, did you? Your legs were apart faster than the speed of light. And what the hell, did you get your implants removed? Your rack is a lot smaller than I remember."

I blush and squirm in my seat. My rack is perfectly adequate. Alice said so. Small but adequate.

"Um, yeah..pregnancy, didn't gel" I hastily improvise. Just take me to your parents home and let me use your phone, fuckwit and I am so out of here.


	2. Chapter 2

**If you like this story, please leave a review because as many of you know, I abandon any that dont get 30 reviews for the first 2 chapters. You dont have to say anything, a smiley face is fine, just so I know its worth the effort. You can even go back a review chapter one if you didn't before. Make Tyler smile. Cheers,Lynzi**

The Rage

Chapter 2

Family Ties

Their house was enormous and palatial and I couldn't believe one single family lived in this luxurious abode while so many people lived in their cars or homeless shelters. A nice, average 3 bedroom bungalow was out of the question?

He snuck us in the back door and I scrambled to climb the stairs that led from the biggest kitchen I have ever imagined, let alone seen, and LP slumbered in my arms.

"Bathroom's in there" he pointed, as I stood transfixed at his bedroom. Firstly, my dad's entire house could fit in this room. Secondly, the furniture was all enormous. The bed, bloody hell, Jake and I and all the Quilute boys could fit in this .

The baby didn't murmur as I lay him on the bed, and I grabbed the many pillows to surround him with so he wouldn't roll off.

"Don't pretend to be a good mother, it is a bit late for that little charade" he growled at me.

"Shut the fuck up. You know nothing about me."

"I know enough. I know this." he scowled and handed me a hand written letter.

_Dear Edward (so,AA had a name),_

_I am writing to inform you, the result of the DNA test you insisted I had to undergo and subject our child to, is 99.9% positive and it doesn't get more sure than that. Photocopies attached. However, if you want every other male at Emmett's party to have a test as well, I am sure they will if you pay for it. Just let me know._

_I accept your offer to meet and introduce you to your son, Edward Tyler Cullen, now aged seven months. He was born on the fourth of July so is a real son of America. I call him simply Tyler._

_If you feel you could raise him better than I can, then we need to discuss a few things. It has cost me a lot of money to go through with the pregnancy, an abortion would have been much cheaper and made more sense but I needed time to think things through and suddenly, it was too late to be an option. Sorry about that._

_I think I am entitled to ask you to compensate me for the pain and distress the pregnancy and birth were, having to face them both alone seeing you refused to answer my calls, and ignored my letters. If I had the money, I would have flown in to visit you. Thank you for the plane tickets. We will arrive at Seatac on Sunday,February 6th, and I have reserved a hire car. I will meet you at 2 pm on the highway just past the Cobain Creek causeway and follow you back to your parents home, seeing you won't disclose the address to me. I'm surprised you told me your PO Box address, did you think I would stalk your family if I knew where they lived?_

_I think I am about $50,000 out of pocket, what with hospital bills and such and I think you will agree, a further $450,000 for pain and suffering is a reasonable amount to gift me with. Naturally, I agree to your terms. Nobody here knows who the baby daddy is, and I will make sure it stays that way. I will make up a fictional name, how does Dane Cellwurd sound, open an email account in that name at gmail and we can correspond via that email address , nobody else will know it is you, and open a facebook account, and I can message you there._

_While I am happy to leave Tyler in your care, I do want to see regular photos of him as he grows, so I will expect the photos to be posted regularly on that facebook._

_I agree to have no further contact with him if you agree to the photo part._

_I know your family has the money he will need to have a decent education and life. I am glad you agree and don't want him going into care. I didn't want to threaten you with that option but I can't give up my entire life to raise this kid._

_He is your responsibility and once I have my money and see new photos every month, I will keep my side of the bargain and never approach you or any of your family again. I will sign whatever necessary and stick to this so long as new photos appear regularly._

_Thank you, Edward, you are a gentleman, though not so gentle that night, wink wink, Love Victoria._

Shit, I was a money grubbing bitch.

Well, the real Victoria was, sounds like a set up from the start to get knocked up to him and then threatened to dump his kid in the system so he would be forced to pay up and raise the kid himself.

She obviously had no intention of having an abortion, and I for one am glad she didn't, Tyler is adorable.

I blushed and handed the letter back. Clearly I have to fess up and admit I just found the little tyke, I didn't give birth to him. Edward must have been hell drunk if he thinks I am this Victoria, unless she is your average generic 22 year old with no outstanding features. Another plain and boring girl next door. But she has an enhanced rack and I bet her eyes are boring brown and don't have the flecks of green like mine.

Jerkoff shouldn't be screwing strange women at parties, or at least he should be using condoms. He looks old enough to have heard about safe sex, it's not like it's a secret.

"If you weren't his mother, you would be buried in that forest out there behind the house. Have a look, Victoria, would you like me to dismember you and burn your corpse on a bonfire and bury the remains in the forest? You stay here and let him settle in or you will find yourself sleeping more deeply than you ever expected. Where do you think Tanya ended up when she tried to screw me over? You want to be her new neighbor? I know you will have told your Daddy Dearest where you were heading and that fact alone saved your life, and only then do you get your blood money, and once you go back to LA, I never want to hear from your miserable self again. Hear me?"

"Yes, Edward" I stuttered, petrified.

He had murdered someone named Tanya and buried her in the forest. Shit, what have I got myself into here? I can't leave Tyler with him. No wonder the real Victoria bolted and left the kid stranded, I bet she didn't expect the creek level to rise and wash the car away though.

I suppose she had someone else waiting to drive her back to wherever she came from.

I stripped off my sweater and gstring and stood under the shower spray but no matter how hot I made it, I was ice cold.

The bedroom was empty when I returned and a pile of clothes were on the bed where Tyler had been.

I hurriedly dressed. His sister was my size but taller so I had to roll the legs of the jeans up.

I didn't know whether he expected me to go downstairs or wait here and I wanted to do the right thing.

Hell, I wanted to jump out the window and bolt, but I could not leave Tyler here alone. He might end up next door to Tanya.

I sat on the bed and tried to loosen the damn comb that remained stuck fast in my hair, even though I had washed it and conditioned it three times.

"Knock knock" said a female voice and the door opened to reveal a pretty girl about my own age.

"Victoria? I am Edward's sister, Elizabeth. Nice to meet you."

Hmm, she seems so..normal.

"Can I help you with your hair? Edward said you got swept off the causeway and no wonder it is such a disaster. Let me help, please."

I smiled at her grimly and she took it as a 'yes' and came into the room, a box of torture equipment similar to those Rose and Alice carried around soon plopped onto the bed beside me.

Elizabeth combed and brushed and dried and struggled with the comb but it wasn't going anywhere.

"I have to cut it out, I'm afraid. Don't panic, I am a hairdresser by trade, it won't look that bad. Maybe I should layer it all and hide the bits that have to go. Sort of like the old layered look Kristen Stewart had her hair cut in, in the Runaways? Did you like that style? It was a great movie, her best to date, don't you think?"

I had no idea who Christine Stewart was, but whatever. I probably should join the rest of the world and watch a movie now and then. I just hate all the Hollywood hype that goes with anyone being a celebrity. They are just people, for God's sake. They were just your average Joe before someone decided they were more special than the rest of us.

I nodded and she grabbed an enormous pair of shears and started snipping quickly.

I watched my hair fall around me but so long as she kept the blades to my hair and didn't stab me to death, I was fine. I wondered if she knew about Tanya? Maybe I should drop her name casually into our conversation and she how she reacts?

The size of the shears in her hand changed my mind about that idea. If Tanya is dead, I am sure she doesn't care where she was buried.

As soon as I get a chance to get the fuck out of here with Tyler, I can tell my dad and he can organize a posse or whatever and dig up the whole fucking forest.

Until then, I am Victoria and Tyler is my kid and I will be keeping him safe from his maniac father.

"Um, can I use your phone? I just need to let my dad know I won't be home for a little while."

"Edward wouldn't like that. Write down his number and I will ring for you. Edward keeps the phone locked away but I get to use it if he is in a good mood."

Shit, they must have a really cheap phone bill then, he doesn't seem like he would be in a good mood much.

I wrote down the home phone number and dad's name, Charlie. No surname. Shit, she will say it's a message from Victoria.

"Um, Elizabeth, my parents call me by my second name, Bella. If you say "Victoria", they won't know who you are talking about. okay?"

"Sure, Bella. That's a pretty name, suits you."

"Uh, thanks."

"There, all done."

I stood and walked to the mirror. It looked good, kind of retro but that's in now, isn't it? I don't get out much and fashions take forever to leak through to Forks. Hell, this haircut is probably on its first round there.

"Thank you" I said. Somehow, my hair seemed straighter and silkier and suited me better. Maybe I should be a little adventurous. Buy some clothes that weren't 'imitation' jeans and black t shirts.I liked this purple top of Elizabeth's on me, maybe purple is my color.

"I don't mean to be rude but that rinse really clashes with your complexion. Could I give you a quick black rinse?"

"Sure. Why not?". In the spirit of trying new things, I followed her down one staircase and into her bathroom. It seems Edward has the entire top floor to himself. Well, I would want to sleep on a different floor if I were his sister. I would probably marry the first loser I met just to move the hell away from here. Mike Newton would even be an option. A life working by his side in their sporting goods store would be Paradise compared to living here with this psycho.

My head was buzzing by the time I had been dyed and dried and styled. And like Alice, once she had done the hair, she 'just had' to do the make up. I felt a tad better about myself and I certainly looked a hell of a lot better. I winked at myself in the mirror. I look hawt.

"Emmett's coming here for dinner tonight."

Shit.

Emmett knows the real Victoria. Can I convince him not to out me?

I followed my hostess downstairs and waited nervously to meet the parents of this monster.

"Mom, dad, this is Edward's friend Victoria but she prefers to be called Bella."

"How do you do? Nice to meet you, Bella. I am Edward's father, Edward Cullen senior, but I prefer people to call me by my second name, Carlisle."

"Nice to meet you, Carlisle" I replied, shaking his hand.

"Hi Bella. I am Esme and you can call me Esme" giggled a woman who looked way to young to be the mother of these adult children but her coloring was the same as Edward's, auburn hair, emerald eyes.

"So, everybody, meet Tyler, my son" said Edward, walking in with a freshly bathed, neatly dressed Tyler, who looked a little spooked at all the strangers. He held his arms out to me, the only face he knew. Or the only boobs, anyway. I looked at Edward and he nodded so I took the baby from him.

Tyler grabbed at my chest and started to nuzzle and grizzle when I didn't open the shirt.

"Are you still breastfeeding?" asked Esme. Edward frowned, like he had told me to quit that already.

"I, uh, lost my supply?" Was that right? I had heard my mother tell numerous people I was such a poor feeder as a baby, she lost her supply and had to switch me to the bottle.

"I have a bottle made up already" said Edward, leaving the room and coming close to me when he returned. He leaned in and sniffed my hair as he handed me the formula.

I wanted to slap him away but that may not be the best move with a murderer.

I sat down and put the bottle in Tyler's mouth and he sucked away, so surely he had done this before. He seemed to know what the bottle was.

"I like your hair." said Edward.

I cringed, but managed a fake smile."Your sister does good work. I kind of miss the comb, though."

He grinned and I felt conflicted.

"It was a unique look. I can't recall seeing anyone else walk around with a comb wound into their hair. Didn't your hair used to be longer and curly, reddish?"

"Oh you know us girls. It's been blond, black, red, blue even. Depends on my mood."

"It suits you better now" he answered.

"Well, as soon as Emmett arrives, we can eat."Esme announced.

I felt my stomach grip and twist into knots.

This could be the part where Edward finds out I am a fake and takes me to meet the neighbor.

"Lizzie, Edward, a hand in the kitchen, please." They followed Esme out and Carlisle answered the door a minute later and this enormous man, evidentally Emmett, walked in. He paused and frowned when he saw me.

"Hello Emmett" I chanced. He relaxed.

"Victoria. I thought I not remember you, I hardly know anyone at my own parties. You arrived with James, right?"

"I think so" I said, looking like I was trying to recall that night."I think you are right."

"Yeah, I was sorry to hear he was killed in that accident."

"Yeah, sad" I mumbled, wondering if Edward had any part in the accident.

"How often does a ballet studio burst into flames and burn to the ground? What were the chances? Poor bastard."

"Yeah". Shit. He burnt down buildings?

"I thought I heard your voice, bro" said a velvety Edward voice.

"We were just discussing James and the accident."

Edward scowled.

"I thought I told you to never mention him in my presence" he growled at Emmett.

"Edward, Vicky was with James for years before you stole her off him. Everyone has a past, you do. How would you like Vicky to sulk about every woman you have banged?"

"Let it go, Emmett. None of this is suitable to be talking about here."

I sat the baby up and patted his back. They still need burping at this age, right? Tyler burped loudly and Emmett laughed really loudly.

"Well done, kid. You and I will have a belching contest later."

"Emmett, this is my son, Tyler" said Edward.

"I kinda figured that out. So, he knocked you up, Vicky. Poor cow. Next time you two ought to use a condom."

I blanched at the next time part. No way will there be a next time. I haven't even had a first time, Thank you very much.

"Why didn't we use a condom, Victoria?" asked Edward.

"You probably forgot. I was drunk, wasn't I? I mean, I imagine most of your conquests have to be liquored up to forget your charm. "

Lunch was fun. I ate, I listened, I eavesdropped on Edward and Emmett's quietly spoken conversation while trying to appear disinterested. I know so freaking little, I am going to get caught out.

After lunch, I took up Lizzie's offer to look around the property and I bundled Tyler into my makeshift baby carrier bag. Lizzie suggested we cut two leg holes in the lower edge, that made sense, he was a lot more stable and secure with his legs dangling down and he snuggled into my boobs as we walked. Soon he had his thumb in his mouth and was asleep. They sleep a lot at this age, then. I unconsciously rubbed his shiny curls as we walked, such a soft little baby. I never thought I liked these things but he is special.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Who is she, Edward?" Emmett asked me.

"I have no idea. I know who she isn't."

"Victoria."

"Yeah. Victoria."

"She is that tall, cold hearted skinny bitch with the wild red hair and the mouth?"

"Yes indeed. Cold skinned like a reptile, body as hard as marble. I ought to know, I pounded into her for an entire night."

"So, is this one part of the scam?"

"I have to assume so."

"When did you realize?"

"I thought she looked wrong when I found her but I did consume a lot of Stoli that night. But she is too nice, look at her, touching that baby. Victoria doesn't touch. Not like that. And she cares about Tyler. She wants to be with him. She wouldn't be selling him to me if he was hers. Watch her eyes, she likes him. And he seems to like her too. Nobody could bond with the real Victoria. And I did use a condom, well, a lot of condoms. Victoria supplied them, and stuck holes in them I suspect."

"What are you going to do?"

"Play along. See what she is up to. Keep her here for a while."

"You going to screw her?"

"Maybe. I have screwed her before, remember. If she is Victoria, she has had the pleasure of my body already, no reason I can't go back for seconds."

"Good point, bro. Oh, by the way, your ex is after your blood."

"What the fuck does Tanya want now?"

"You, of course. 'Please tell Edward I love him. Tell him I want to try again. I need him, make him ring me at least'. You ought to kill that bitch."

"I did, in a way. I told Miss Victoria that Tanya is buried in the forest and she will be joining her if she tries anything."

"Wow, bro. Go Edward. Quite the bully. How's Lizzie going? Still addicted to Talk Lines? She been paying $5.60 per minute to listen to a taped message from Taylor Lautner?"

"I have the phone locked away. She has to ask me to let her make calls and I time her. No Chat Lines or Celebrity calls. She asked me if she could call this number." I showed him the piece of paper with the name 'Charlie' and a number on it.

"That's Forks area code. Whose Charlie?"

"I think she is passing on a message for our Victoria."

"Husband?"

"Maybe. Want to find out for me?"

"Sure. Be right back."

I stood at the window and watched the girls. The baby woke up and Fake Victoria swung him high in the air and made him chuckle. The sound reached my ears and warmed my heart. Who was she and why was my son in her care? I had watched her face when she read the letter. The disgust was obvious, the pain that flashed through her eyes when she read the price that baby was going to cost me, had rocked my heart. She was going to try and run with him, that was obvious. She didn't trust me. That made us even. I didn't trust her either. And where the fuck is Victoria because she and I have unfinished business. No way is she turning up in the future claiming this baby back. I shall call Aro and tell him the latest. I pay the man enough, he can track her down and get her real self to sign Tyler over to me.

"Charles Swan. Chief of police in Forks. Divorced. One daughter, Isabella Marie. Single. 22. Just recently graduated from NYU. Been there four years, shared a room with a Rosalie Hale who also reigns from the wonderful thriving metropolis of Forks." He smirked.

"Emmett, I have a job for you."

"What now?"

"Go to Forks. Meet this Rosalie Hale, go out with her, charm her into bed, and grill her on every detail you can about Isabella Swan."

"No problem, bro. Sounds like fun. Want photos, or what?"

"I want to know everything about her, who she dates, why she isn't working, where she lives, what she got up to at college, who her friends are, how the fuck someone like her got involved with a bitch like Victoria."

"I hear and obey. Rosalie Hale, I hope you are a looker."

"It's work, not fun."

"Sometimes they are the same thing, bro."

x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"This is the baby's room." Edward said, leading me into a large room off his bedroom, with a crib that cost more than the late lamented Beast and maybe our house as well. No bed, though. I had hoped I could sleep in the same room as Tyler, not be stuck in some guest room down on the lower floor.

"Handy, having a nursery off your bedroom" I commented.

"It was my music room. I had my piano in here. I like to compose, it helps me relax."

I am sure he needs something to relax him after he is through offing his ex's.

"Where am I sleeping?" I asked, prepared to argue if I am too far away from the baby.

"In my bed with me of course. Where else?"

Shit. Fuck. Don't say fuck, no fucking happening here.

"Edward, is that a good idea? I thought we hated each other?"

"Do you hate me, Victoria?" he asked, touching my hair, twirling a strand around his finger, pulling me closer."I am paying you a half a million dollars. Don't you think that gives me the right to have another taste of what we did the night he was conceived?"

"Nnno, I mean, I can't, I haven't. I don't want to. I don't want to risk having another baby. Too close. Bad for me." He sat frozen, staring at me in a way that made me blush crimson.

I expected him to remind me things such as condoms existed but he stood and walked to the far side of the room, his face calm but unreadable.

"You can have the bed. I will be fine on the couch" he said, shocking me.

"You have your bed. I am shorter, I can take the couch. It will mean I am closer to Tyler. If he still wakes up at night, he will want me. He doesn't know you."

Shit, he hardly knows me, poor baby. I am all he has.

Edward was staring at me, I am sure something I said gave something away. I tried to run it through my head again. His eyes were distracting me. So green. So pretty. His hair was standing on end as he ran his hands back and forth through it.

"I have made up some more formula. It's in the bar fridge here. There's a bottle warmer in his room. I am sure you know how it works."

"Um, just show me, please. They are probably all different, complicated."

He walked back into Tyler's room and poured a small amount of water into the base and places a bottle of cold formula into it and turned it on.

"You should never heat baby's formula in a microwave. It heats unevenly and alters the protein. They don't know if it matters, yet. Better safe than sorry."

"Really? So, how long do I set this thing for?"

"It's preset. Just wait and it will automatically stop."

"Oh, really? Okay then."

"Hadn't you better change him for bed?"

"Um, sure. bed, Pajamas."

"Everything he needs is in those drawers."

Right. What do babies wear to bed? Sleepysuits?

I opened the drawer and selected a little blue stretchy suit with feet in it, and an undershirt. Then I grabbed a disposable diaper and took a deep breath. I have never actually touched a diaper.

I lay the clothes on the change table and turned to Edward.

"So, do I need to give him another bath?"

"Do you usually?"

I tried to look like I knew.

"I do if he is grubby. Is he grubby?"

Edward lifted the baby out of the playpen thingey and handed him to me. I lay the baby on the change table. Edward had a hint of a smile on his face as he watched me struggle to undo and remove Tyler's suit and I may have forgotten to undo a button or two but finally he was naked except for the diaper.

"Now, undershirt." I pulled it over his head and threaded his hands and arms through the sleeves. Simple.

Diaper.

I took a deep breath and undid the tabs at the sides and luckily it was not even wet so I started to reseal it.

"Victoria, he needs changing."

"It isn't wet."

"It is wet."

He took the diaper off and held it up. It was heavy and clearly full but it looked dry on the inside bit.

"Must be a new type" I mumbled and he laughed as I struggled to put the new diaper on. Damn tabs were on the wrong place but I won and got him secured. It didn't look quite right but whatever.

"You always put them on back the front?"

"Makes no difference. He prefers them that way. It's a baby thing" I replied haughtily.

Now, this sleepysuit thing.

I pulled his hands through and stretched the back down and tried to pull his legs in. Edward silently took over and had the baby dressed in seconds and he snapped the poppers shut like an expert. Clever clogs.

I lifted up Tyler and sat in the rocker and fed him his bottle. He drank it down and reached up to touch my face. I smiled at him and pretended to bite his fingers and he laughed at me as he drank.

Maybe I shouldn't be distracting him. He put his fingers in my mouth and I kissed them.

"Beautiful baby" I babbled at him. I looked up, suddenly aware Edward was staring at me.

I felt myself blush. Shit, I am selling him to Edward, aren't I? I looked down before he saw the tears that were gathering in my eyes at the very idea any mother could sell her child. I would buy him myself if I had the money. What was half a million dollars compared to a gift like this child? I wished for the first time ever that I was rich and could outbid Edward and keep this little guy myself. I felt a traitor tear escape.

"What's wrong, Victoria? Sellers remorse?"

"Don't" I choked, handing him to Edward and bolting for the bathroom. I dry heaved into his toilet and tried to calm down. How could she sell him? He wasn't a car or a pair of shoes, he was a little person. What if he found out one day that his mother conceived him to rip off his father?

What was Edward going to tell him about his mother when he asked? That she was dead? Maybe she would be by then. Maybe I would be. I shivered and shook and felt ill.

"Victoria?" Edward knocked on the door."Are you okay?"

I couldn't answer, my throat was closed from sobbing and I felt terrible.

"Answer me please or I am coming in."

He opened the door and stood there looking at me as I crouched beside the porcelain.

"Tyler wants you to kiss him goodnight. I imagine you do that each night?"

I nodded. Of course I did.

I stood and washed out my mouth at the vanity basin and Edward silently handed me a new toothbrush and I took it and brushed my teeth.

I turned and took the baby from him and held his little warm body close to my chest and kissed the curls on top of his head. It felt good to hold him and I was meant to be his mother, I am allowed to like him. I lifted him up and kissed his cheek as I lowered him into the cot.

"Wait" said Edward, and he leaned in and kissed Tyler as well.

I covered him with the blue blanket and touched his little cheeks.

"Goodnight, Tyler. If you need me in the night, just call me. I mean, cry."

Edward took my hand and led me out of the room and sat me on his bed. He was clearly fighting with himself. What had I done or said wrong? He wanted to say something.

Abruptly he turned and walked from the room, closing the door behind himself.

I stood and saw he had left me a pair of Lizzie's pajamas so I changed and went and lay on the big black couch that was larger and more comfy than my bed at home. There were two pillows already on it and a couple of blankets that Edward must have left for me. I curled myself up and fell asleep, despite feeling confused and worried and torn between being scared or not. He didn't scare me and that scared me. He was a confessed killer and somehow it didn't matter. God, I was turning into one of those women who visit men on Death Row and fall in love with them.

The dim soft light that radiated from Tyler's room made me smile. Edward the killer had put a nightlight on for his son. I couldn't fight the feeling of contentment as my eyes fluttered and closed.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

I stood over her and watched her sleep. She was dreaming and smiling in her sleep. Such a beautiful girl, how could I have thought she could be Victoria for a single moment? I was expecting Victoria and I had paid very little attention to her that night even as I fucked her. She wasn't even a person to me, just something to fuck.

Isabella Swan had thrown me badly when I suggested I have a second taste of what Victoria and I had done the night Tyler was conceived. Amongst other things, she had said the words "I haven't" and I have never heard those words before from a woman I was intending to sleep with. She was a virgin.

I knew she was not Tyler's mother but a virgin? She cannot possibly know Victoria. What the fuck is she doing here, in my house, with my son? Protecting him, looking after him, even though she has clearly never changed him before. Why is she so concerned about a baby she must barely know? How can she feel so strongly toward him when his own mother merely sees him as a way to make money?

I have to walk away before I give into the overwhelming urge to lift her into my bed. I want to try just one thing. Something I have never done before. I want to spoon my body around hers and hold her while she sleeps.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much for the reviews, it stopped Edward sulking and kept him talking so it was worth it. Please keep it up. **

The Rage

Chapter 3

A Hunting We Will Go

Emmett scanned the room and prayed to God that the fact Rosalie Hale was working as a part time model didn't mean she was an anorexic coke addict with the body of a pre pubescent boy.

Emmett loved to fuck but he liked his ladies with nice tits and an ass he could grab onto and it worried him that he would be expected to spend time fucking some xylophone, as he called the skinny women he usually avoided. Facts were facts. Emmett was massive, built like a brick shithouse as the saying went, and his equipment was perfectly proportioned so he made a habit of never sticking anything in any woman who looked like she may be ripped apart by him.

He sat at the bar and nursed a beer. It had taken him two months to track her down and he was annoyed about that. She was never where she was meant to be. Her parents had openly said she was away on a course, studying business principles yet the course teacher had no record of her. No Rosalie Hale had booked a place on the course, no extra student had turned up. She was deceiving her parents, was it as simple as that? They clearly expected her to be an accountant, maybe she longed to do something different with her life.

Then he found a friend of hers, Lauren, working in a diner in Forks. Lauren,who was happy to talk to a handsome man about anything that kept him coming back and leaving another healthy tip. Lauren, who was speaking enviously of Rosalie's 'new life' as a model, and so he had started looking into modelling agencies, and finally he found her. Tonight Edward's nagging would finally end and Emmett would have some answers for his brother.

Scantily dressed models were assembling in the backroom and he had stood at the door and watched as they sat, staring vacantly as frantic make up artists painted their faces and energetic but plain women held out skimpy outfits and despaired when the tiniest flaw was found.

Emmett had considered just yelling out Rosalie's name and seeing if any of these robotic clones answered him, but he decided that may not fit the discreet perimeters Edward had ordered for him to act within.

The lights dimmed and ghostly pale skeletons walked up and down the catwalk and Emmett sighed. He half expected the background music to be from The Black Parade. Maybe Rosalie would be happy with a baggie of coke and snort away while she spilled the beans, rather than Emmett having to fake enjoying sex with a woman whose frame took him back to the sight of starving Africans on one of his many tours of duty in the past.

He was 32 years old, the eldest son, but as he was an adrenalin junkie, he was away more often than he was at home so it had been natural for Edward, the younger son, to take charge of the family. Carlisle was an amazing surgeon and scientist but he could not live in the real world. He gave money to any con man with a plausible story and supported several non existent orphanages in third world countries before Edward called a halt and locked him out of the family funds. Now his father couldn't even indulge in buying a new car without Edward's approval and signature. And Edward made it a rule that he had to go in person and sign any dotted line with Carlisle before releasing any money.

Edward was generous but not a fool.

Esme was the sweetest woman on earth but sadly she was too like her own mother and it was vital the liquor cabinet be securely locked. Edward had moved out as most sons do, in his early 20's but the household had fallen apart and so he had accepted the burden of his family and moved back in to the house he now owned. Carlisle had unwittingly signed it away to yet another scam artist and Edward had brutalized the man legally, through the court system, leaving him one very sorry human being. Not only had Edward managed to get the ownership of the house back, and now in his own name, but he had been awarded a massive compensation package as well, and the former scammer now worked his guts out 16 hours each day just to meet the courts ordered settlement

Naturally, Edward had hired him and made sure his work was brutally tiring , completely unsatisfying and monotonous. It didn't pay to cross Edward Cullen. He was a brilliant CEO to the point he rarely had to even attend his own company. He hired the best when it came to the upper level management, and he paid generously but complete loyalty and value for money was demanded. You fucked up and let Edward down, you were history and should start looking for a job flipping burgers because Edward would make sure nobody offering any higher form of employment would look at you.

Elizabeth suffered from as many OCD tendencies as her mother so Edward guarded his only sister like a wolf protected his pack.

So far, her addictions were mercifully harmless to what they could be. She shopped too much, she bought numerous useless items she would never open the packaging of let alone wear or use, and she was addicted to sitting in her room with the phone to her ear, chatting back to the recorded voices of any male celebrity who had a so called chat line.

"I talked to the Jonas brothers, Edward" she would excitedly inform him.

"You talked to a recording of the Jonas brothers" he would correct her.

"No, I think Joe was actually there, I said 'hello' and he said 'hello' back and he listened while I told him about my last vacation in Paris and then he said 'I enjoy overseas travel', he was there, he was talking to me."

Yes, right, she had paid God knows how much to talk to a tape that would automatically pause while the caller spoke, so she had paid several hundred dollars to fill dead air.

Locking a phone in a wall safe seemed ridiculous but what was the answer?

He had a pre programmed cellphone made in his electronics factory and now Lizzie got her fill of Justin Beibers and her latest crush, John Lennon, for God's sake, whether she thought the phone had a direct link to the afterlife he had no idea but at least it now cost him less than a standard local call to keep her happy.

His 27 years on earth had been challenging and tough and so it was probably inevitable he would stuff up somewhere along the road. His good looks had meant he always had an attractive bed partner but he had tired of meaningless sex in his early 20's and had decided to settle down with an appropriate woman. Sadly, Tanya dropped the facade she had manufactured once the ring was on her finger and she proved to be everything he hated and nothing he needed and the marriage had fallen apart soon after it started.

The massive settlement had quietened her for a while but her excesses had seen her money disappear and she longed for another bite of the cherry.

If she had any sense at all, she would have moved on and found herself a nice old sugar daddy who would have indulged her needs and overlooked her failings but no, she had spent many nights in bed with Edward Cullen before the ill fated wedding, and she knew what she lusted after. Him. In any way she could have him.

She would never give up, she had the tenacity of a pit bull and Edward was her target. He loved sex, it was his Achilles Hell, and Tanya excelled at all things sexual. He would be back. He would be begging her for another chance once he screwed his way through the pack of boring, untalented wannabees who dreamed of the easy life they imagined lay in store for the next Mrs Edward Cullen.

Victoria, now there was another massive blunder on Edward's part. He was horny and bored and had drunk way too much Stoli, his own drug of choice, and he knew he should take heed that he had inherited not only his mother's looks, but her weakness as well, so usually the odd glass of wine was all he allowed himself, with dinner.

Once he had weakened and found himself in a strange bed with an even stranger woman, he had decided to be hung as a sheep and not a lamb and had proceeded to take her in every imaginable way until exhaustion forced him to sleep.

He had woken up with a bitching hangover and a feeling of dread and remorse. He made a fatal error and threw some money her way in the hope that would 'give her closure' and had then ignored her every effort to contact him. Then Emmett had arrived home unexpectedly and informed him a certain red haired woman had given birth to a copper haired baby whom, she had confided to Emmett, was his own nephew and she desperately needed to contact Edward. Edward had rejected the claim and ordered a DNA test before he as much as read any correspondence from her, he hardly was able to recall what she even looked like, and now it had led to this.

Emmett had been massively confused when the Fake Victoria had said hello to him at the house. He knew it wasn't her but he had played along, wondering who she was and what her game may be. He threw her a curve ball and changed the way James had died and she ate it up. James had met his fate at the hands of a group of men whom he had pissed off by abusing their women. He had even made a pass at Edward's wife once upon a time, so the only surprise was, Edward was not in the pack that attacked and killed him. Edward guarded what he owned to the death.

When it came to Victoria, Edward knew he had been played and he normally would have simply had her removed from his life via the courts but the knowledge he had a child had caused him to pause and think things through. He could not let any child of his suffer at her hands and her threat to place the child in care had pushed all his buttons. No Cullen would grow up in the system. It was his biggest fear as a child, when Carlisle was locked in his lab till all hours, doing God knows what and Esme had sought comfort in a bottle, a young Edward was forever lying in his bed, shaking with fear that Social Services would learn of their benign neglect and take the children away.

He had resolved he would save the family and he had organized rosters and forced his siblings to cover for their parents lack of proper parenting, and he had pulled it off. It gave him a taste of power, and he liked it, so much, he wanted more and in no time, once college was done, he had started several companies and lived in quiet satisfaction for a year or two, married, thought he was getting somewhere important, then the crash came. A contrite but confused Carlisle was bankrupt but had no idea how and why, Esme had retreated into oblivion with her old friend,Jack, and was feeling no pain. Lizzie was in love with a pop star and had to have her phone all but surgically removed from her face, the house of cards had tumbled down the rabbit hole and only Edward could save them.

So, first he saved himself and filed for divorce, then he took up residence back in his childhood home, and his parents had immediately allowed him full control, seeing they still had no idea what to do to save themselves.

Now he was fast approaching thirty and was disappointed with life, restless, needy, and he knew he wanted more. Business challenges now failed to capture his interest for long, women all seemed vacuous and unfulfilling, he briefly pondered about allowing one of those marriage brokers who catered to millionaires to find him a suitable bride, but it seemed too calculated and cold blooded he knew whatever woman was chosen would be the same.

He hoped raising his son would be that 'more' that he sought after, but now his world had been thrown for a loop and a small but strong and strangely alluring woman had become the center of his world. She had no idea. She played with the baby, taught herself how to care for the infant by watching Edward, to whom all things seemed to come naturally, and reading every childcare book he left lying around to see how long it would take her to find and digest the information inside.

The written word seemed to be the key to education for her and she was blossoming into an excellent mother but therein lay the problem. The baby adored her and needed her, and she him, but he wasn't hers. Edward knew that now for a fact.

He had taken the toothbrush he had given her that first night and proved beyond any shadow of a doubt she was no more related to Tyler than she was to him. He slept in the middle floor guestroom and had given his entire domain upstairs to her for her own private use, using the excuse the baby needed his own space and needed her close so she had reluctantly taken over his bedroom.

He hated the fact he had to resort to veiled threats to make her determined to stay, and he had beefed up security so she couldn't leave, even if he was not there himself. She had no way of opening the sturdy and secure electronic gates that now towered over the front driveway. The entire property was now fenced, gated, electrified, and monitored at great expense to Edward, but he knew it was the only way. He had to trap his bird in a gilded cage to keep her.

She had access to anything her heart desired,via online shopping, and he laughed at the paltry bills she ran up. She was happy with the most basic clothing items for herself so he had made sure the shopping network channels only worked on the most expensive brands. When she placed an order, it went through him so he could double or triple the amount of articles she had ordered and he refused all her protests that some needed to be returned, who needed three pairs of boots?

He almost choked when she said that. Lizzie had an entire room that used to be a guestroom and was now converted to a massive boot room, shelves lined the walls inside and his sister spent many hours just trying on this week's favorite hundred pairs and then rejecting them and placing them back on their shelf.

Bella, as they now all called her, wore the same pair every day and left the other two pair unused, still in their boxes, as she was as determined to return them as Edward was to make her keep them. Then he found her Achilles heel. Vintage Doc Martens, only the originals, manufactured in England.

He monitored her internet use and read her emails before they were sent, modifying any that needed censoring. She kept in daily contact with her father, having told him she had secured a job as a Nanny, and hoped to visit him soon, some time when she could get a day off but warned him how vital her presence was in the household so it may be a while.

A woman named Alice Brandon was in contact by email several times a day and Edward enjoyed the messages back and forth between them It was in one such message he found out about Bella's weakness. Alice had boasted about finding a pair of mint condition twenty year old vintage Docs in a particularly rare floral print and Bella had showed uncharacteristic envy, so Edward had made it his job to find a similar pair and had bought them for Bella. The look on her face when she opened the package was priceless. She wanted to keep them, yet she knew she shouldn't. She fought and lost the battle that raged clearly in her head. Her mouth opened, and closed again. She could not quite bring herself to reject his gift, even though she desperately longed to.

In the end she faced him squarely and said two words.

"Thank you" and took the box to her room, where he shamelessly watched her on the cctv as she held them in her hands and worshipped them like some religious icon.

After that, Edward found and bought her another pair each week and it drove her nuts. He loved the power he had over her as she caved, again and again, rarely did she find the strength to throw the gifts back in his face, only when he had been particularly obnoxious to her did she even try.

He laughed as her line of Docs grew and she would even say Good Morning and Good Night to them each day. She had yet to let him win and actually wear any of them but she did try them on and stand in front of the mirror and sigh a lot.

He read and reread her first message to Alice.

_Ali, you will not believe this! I found a baby! A real live baby strapped in a car in a flooded creek. Can you believe it? He is the most adorable child ever and you know I have never been the slightest bit interested in infants before, well, let's face it, I still don't like them, except for Tyler. _

_He is amazing, and I think I am falling in love._

Edward read that last line again and again.

How he wished it was him she was writing about and not his son. He had no idea what sort of a spell she had cast over him but he was shaken to the bone by the intensity of his feelings for her. He covered them up well, because he knew he would never be worthy of the love of a pure hearted woman like her, but a man can dream, and dream he did. Many nights he smiled as he danced in the moonlight, Bella standing on his feet when hers tired, he would never end the dance so he carried her slight weight like a prize and an honor, and swirled her in his arms and the music was always whatever he was composing at that time and he often woke, desperate to get the notes onto paper as the part he had failed to decipher the day before was now playing clearly in his head.

He was always dressed immaculately in his dreams, in a hand made tux, and she was in various pretty dresses which sometimes changed and became more sexy as the dream progressed, leaving him calling out as he released into his pants like a young teenager.

Damn the woman, she was clearly some form of witch, sent to torment him.

She was standoffish and harsh with him and she managed to match his banter, insult for insult and it intrigued him. Women always bowed down his his presence and offered him whatever he wanted from them, and they crawled off in disappointment if he rejected their offerings. Not Isabella. She offered nothing but her biting tongue, and he wanted to take it into his own mouth and bite it back, rid it of her jibes and insults, crush her soft body in his arms and take her into his bed and worship her as she deserved, but nothing short of rohypnol would ever allow that to happen, it seemed.

She was on guard the second he entered her personal space, which appeared to be about a 20 yard radius around herself, and she flinched if he got too close. He rarely got to breathe in her sweet scent let alone accidentally brush against her softness and thrill with the charge that ran between his body and hers when they did touch. To him, it went straight to his heart and made it beat unevenly, out of rhythm. She, on the other hand, would flinch, cringe, step back and move away.

He despaired and would then fall into a barely concealed rage and it made him seem angry and cold hearted but he had to protect himself. He tried to scare her but the simple truth was, she scared the living daylights out of him. It was nothing she did or said, it was the way she made him feel, and no woman had ever made him feel like this. Tanya had been more or less an acquisition, she was attractive, presentable, well bred, finely coiffured and dressed in only the best clothing the designers had to offer. She had been an asset when he had to attend dinners and had investors to seduce and impress with his latest overseas aid programmes. They cost a shitload to fund and after they were up and running, they devoured every dollar he threw their way so he needed to bring other moneyed men into the operation as well. His life was all about giving and luring others to give as well, because no child deserved to worry where his next meal would come from. He needed to have a full belly, a roof of sorts over his head, an education to escape the bitter cycle before it held him tight and refused to free him, and Edward could make a doorway in that cycle and drawn the child out and into a new cycle of hope.

He would never forget the feelings of powerless and fear he had experienced as a child, and he wanted to help other children to have some control in their lives.

The one thing he could not control was Isabella Swan and it frustrated and angered him. Nothing seemed to work. Threats only made her hate him more, but at least they kept her here. Bribes were sneered at, she had no need of fancy clothes and diamonds, well, the one time he had given her a diamond bracelet he had been forced to endure DAYS of lectures on blood diamonds and how many miners died so rich bitches had a shiny stone to impress another rich bitch. She had literally thrown it in his face after the final rant was done.

He had never bought her jewellery again.

He bought her books, she sighed and smiled in glee when she discovered new books in his library. He didn't actually make a gift of them to her in case she rebelled and threw the at him, but he read her emails and if she mentioned a classic she missed, it would mysteriously appear that week in his library, maybe in the wrong section, but there for her eager eyes to find and enjoy.

She was an enigma to him.

He had seen women cry fake tears over a diamond bracelet as their eyes assessed it's worth, this woman saw the blood behind the stone and cared nothing for its monetary value.

She cried when she found a copy of Wuthering Heights and he had bitten his lip as he watched her on the camera, why would she cry over a story of two such hateful losers?

She cried tears of joy when his son, who she hadn't even met two months ago, babbled a word that almost sounded like a word she was trying to teach him. Dada. She seemed determined that Tyler would call him by that title and she would whisper it in the baby's ear whenever her approached them

"Tyler, here is Dada. Come on, baby, Say dada. Dada."

So far he had refused to co-operate.

She cried for an hour, the baby clasped to her chest, the day he called her 'mama'.

She was sitting outside in a rare day of gentle sunshine, playing a game of rudimentary pat a cake with Tyler, and he was sitting opposite her, grinning as she tried to keep his hands in place so she could touch them with her own, and he was enjoying the game as much as she was, frustrating as it must have been when Tyler would suddenly look away and point in wonder at a butterfly just as she seemed to be making progress. She had given up, laughing, and rolled on her back on the ground, her body shaking with glee. Tyler had clapped his hands together then squealed at her happiness as he shared her mood, and then the word had tumbled from his lips when she rolled and put her face right in front of him. He reached out a hand and patted her face and said that magic word.

"mama"

The world had stood still, and then she had jumped up and grabbed the baby, trying to meld him to her heart it seemed to Edward, and she had danced around the meadow, clutching his son, kissing his curl covered head, tears pouring from her wonderful, deep brown eyes.

Edward had never in his life felt such jealous rage and envy at another human being and it shamed him instantly that he felt that against his own infant son, but he had never been held like that, his endearments had never had that effect on a woman. He had regaled women with compliments and quotes from books and had even made a few clever lines up himself, but never had he gotten more than a flicker from their lips.

This infant had reduced this woman, the one he longed for, to a weeping mess with a single, innocent word that he probably had no idea even had a meaning.

Edward had been defeated that day, and victory had gone to his own flesh and blood and he hadn't liked the feeling one little bit.

He resolved to stop his current behaviour and try something new. He was going to befriend Isabella Swan and one day, she would dance for real in his arms, in that meadow and cry over his words. He wondered what magic words they would have to be. He knew nothing of a woman like her, he only knew the empty and vain and lustfilled moneygrabbing types.

What did one say to make the likes of Isabella Swan cry with happiness?

The only ones he could think of stabbed into his heart.

"You are free to go, and you may take Tyler with you."

He would never say that to her, but he knew in his heart, they were the words she most wanted to hear from his lips.

x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

Emmett yawned and leaned back against the bar top. The bar tender offered another beer and Emmett decided it may be the only thing he would get to enjoy tonight so he accepted the cool glass and drank it down, just as the last set began. He choked when the voluptuous woman of his dreams materialized on the catwalk. Holy shit. He knew her well, she wandered in to his most intimate dreams and did all sorts of wonderful things to many parts of his anatomy but he had always assumed she was simply a composite of all the best bits of actresses and models and beauty queens he had admired over the years, a complete product of his imagination. Thus seeing her walk and turn and walk away and turn, and come back, rivetted him to the chair.

She was wearing a dress his brain had also invented, though in his dream, he had torn it to shreds and tossed it to the floor and taken the angel into his arms and worshipped her, many times, over and over.

The designer had walked onto the stage and was waffling on about her collection. Emmett only caught her last words but they were what he needed to hear.  
"...to thank all the wonderful models who make my clothes look so amazing, especially our newest find, Rosalie Hale. Thank you all for coming."

"Thank me later, and I certainly hope I will be coming" murmured Emmett, abandoning his beer and walking to the front of the stage. He ignored the designer and stared instead at the angel

"You. Me. Later." he mouthed and leaned back against the wall, hands casually in pockets, heart thumping loudly but luckily too much else was going on so it went unheard by anyone but himself.

Fuck.

He hoped Rosalie was a reluctant talker and he had to bang every single word about Isabella Swan out of her. He hoped she had a lot to tell him, but s-l-o-w-l-y. He hoped she needed wining and dining beforehand and that he would get to parade around with this vision who came to life, on his arm.

She barely looked his way but he knew she was hooked. She gave it away with a mere flicker of her eyes when she glanced his way, trying to fake disinterest but those blue orbs were sparkling in a way they had not been earlier and Emmett felt a stirring in his loins.

She would be his before the night was done.

The models dressed and joined the guests and Emmett stayed put, making her come to him. She walked from man to man, champagne glass in hand, sipping now and again, faking interest and flirting with buyers but she was slowly gravitating into his orbit and he sat there, watched and waited. He ignored the many pretty girls who glanced his way or stopped by his table. He saw only the golden haired beauty, still wearing the barely there red dress.

She gave up in the end and sat down in the chair opposite, at his table.

Neither spoke at first. She helped herself to one of his cigarettes and he leaned over to light it for her. She inhaled, then blew the smoke across his face, like a caress. He smiled his half smile and tilted his head to the side, his own blue eyes sparkling back at hers.

"They let me keep this" she said, indicating the dress.

"Nobody else could make it look like you do." he answered, speaking from the heart and forgetting he was on a mission for Edward.

She narrowed her eyes, assessing his sincerity, surprised to find she believed it was honest and true.

"Rose Hale" she said.

"Emmett" he replied.

"First or last?" she asked.

"I have a feeling I am too late to be your first but I will gladly be your last."

She smiled, liking his answer.

"Far too late."

"I don't think they are competition, seeing none of them are here."

"None of whom?" she said in a throaty voice.

"See, you have forgotten them already." he replied, moving his feet so they barely grazed her red painted toes.

"Can you hear that?" he asked.

"What?" she replied, drawing the sweet nicotine down inside her.

"The beautiful music we are going to make together tonight."

He reached over and took the cigarette from her, drew in a single mouthful and stubbed it out.

"You and I are giving them up. We will never smoke again."

"Why?" she asked, idly.

"Because we have to stay here as long as we can, once we taste each other there will be no sweeter flavor, nothing to compare."

"Okay" she said, nodding her agreement.

Emmett stood and moved her chair back as she stood.

"My car is this way."

"My apartment is just down the road." she replied.

"Good" he said.

He opened the door and she stepped outside in front of him, forgetting her coat and handbag as they lay unwanted in the changerooms.

He saw her shiver in the cold night air and removed his suit coat, placing it on her shouldres, swamping her.

Her chest was heaving slightly and she pulled the coat tighter and breathed in his scent, openly.

He liked that.

He opened the car door and she slid inside and he grinned as he shut the door.

He knew what he was here for but he also knew the subject of Miss Isabella Swan would not be what was raised tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I dont own twilight blah blah, Please dont get snarky when Jake turns up, I think I made it clear in C1 he was a big part of Bella's life and you cant make a choice if there arent two things to choose between. And I actually finally saw Jake as a contender in Eclipse, he always seemed too young to me in Twi and NM. I even bought a Jake Barbie doll, to stand beside my Barbie Bella and Edward..note Bella fits in Lingerie Barbie's clothes, maybe she would have gotten some from Edward if she dressed like that!**

The Rage

Chapter 4

Game Over

Yesterday I mentioned to Alice that I wished I had beaten her to that ebay auction for the vintage purple with black rose goth print Docs and even mentioned the auction number. The reason I did that is, I suspect Edward is somehow reading my mail. I don't know how. He gave me permission to use his computer when he left it in his room and moved down into one of his own guest rooms.

I have never opened any of his files or read a single thing of his, I merely set up a gmail account and emailed Alice. She opened an email account when she first met Jasper so I know her address by heart, . Charlie has his work address and so I email him there. The first draft of the first email I sent him, I wrote every detail of what happened, starting with the truck being stopped by the floodwaters and when I typed the bit about Edward telling me about Tanya and what he did to her, I felt funny.

I didn't want Charlie to know. I deleted the message and started again.

_Dear Dad, Guess what, I met some friends of Alice's mom at the party and they offered me a live in job working as Nanny, I accepted it because even though I know I spent four years at college, I still don't know if I am heading where want to career wise. I need some time to think and working in Newtons with Mike will only make me make a rash decision and leave town completely, so I figured I would be a Nanny for a few months and make up my mind in peace with no pressure, about what I will do next._

_I have my own rooms, a bedroom, bathroom, sitting room, library and the nursery and playroom are all on this floor and so I have space to be by myself and privacy and it is really nice here. The couple's names are Esme and Carlisle Cullen, he is a doctor. Tyler is their grandson._

_They have 3 grown kids and their daughter Lizzie is my age and still lives here at home so I even get to have a girl to chat to when Tyler is asleep. Email me back to this address and I will keep in touch. Love Bella._

A few small lies, a few omissions.

So this is a test. That particular pair of Docs are mega rare and if I get a pair as a present, I will know he read the email.

When Alice was a teen, her cousin Travis used to go home after school with her and wait there until his Mom finished work. He read Alice's diary and spread her secrets around at school so rather than call him out on it, she started writing how she had found out definite signs that a guy was gay and listed every habit Travis had...always putting the milk in his coffee before the sugar, walking on the lines on the sidewalk, chewing 2 flavors of gum at once, parting his hair on the right, favoring blue over every other color...he became panicked and refused to wear blue, part his hair, drink coffee or chew gum. It was her subtle revenge.

So I mentioned to Alice that Edward reminded me of Travis.

Her reply was "Is he gay?" meaning 'is he reading this?'

"Yes, I believe so" I replied.

The effect was immediate. I never got my goth Docs but Edward was clearly perturbed.

I was playing with Tyler and he came outside, looking pale and torturing his hair endlessly.

"Bella, I had a lot of girlfriends before Victoria..um, you."

"You were never my boyfriend" I retorted.

"No, I guess not. I was married..to Tanya you know. For years. Well, for two years. But we were a couple for years. I had a lot of girlfriends before her. And after her."

I couldn't help myself.

"I have heard gay men in denial tend to sleep around a lot."

"I am not in denial" he answered, angrily.

"Well good, it's always better when the truth is out there."

"I am not gay!" he all but screamed and stomped inside.

I think he stopped reading after that. I watched what I said regardless and kept our messages short and in code. Ali and I had codes for all occasions.

Ali announced the date of her wedding and I was thrilled for her. I have to have left by then or at least be in a position where Edward trusts me enough to let me attend the wedding. I wonder if he will let me take Tyler to it because I would love to have Ali meet him but I guess, apart from anything else, it would be too impractical. I am bridesmaid, I cannot look after a baby as well.

I have to attend several dress fittings for the wonderful salmon dress and so I have to approach Edward and ask him if he can arrange some way of me going to Ali's.

I am not sure how to do this. I will come back. I would never desert Tyler and the security measures mean I can never run with him. I don't know that it would be in Tyler's favor anyway, to do that.

Edward clearly loves the baby and spends hours reading baby books with Tyler on his lap, pointing out the animals in the simple stories. Tyler adores his father in return. I have no fear now that Edward would harm the baby.

One day he and Carlisle took Tyler for a pediatric check up. Edward seemed torn about whether he should ask me to go as well, but I was happy to stay here and spend the day with Lizzie. She was becoming my friend and I liked her. Her addictions and obsessions were strange and maybe quite serious but Edward was clearly doing his best for her and he took her to her therapist twice a week.

It was a hot day, rare for this region and we changed into two of Lizzie's many bathing suits and spent the afternoon swimming in the outdoor pool which was rarely used. She was an excellent swimmer so we competed, I was fast but had a debatable style, she was elegant and somewhat slower, so I won mostly. I envied her grace as she dove of the board into the water. I was more your jumping in off the side type.

There was a sudden session of screaming and cursing and gate shaking and she and I ran around the front of the house to investigate. A woman was standing outside the gate, bashing on it with an umbrella, screaming.

"Edward, get out here you prick."

Ah, must be one of his exes. Maybe we should calm her down before he got home or she may end up a neighbor.

"Stop yelling, he isn't here" said Lizzie.

We both walked up to the gate and the woman screamed at Lizzie, clearly they knew each other.

"Who is this, his latest fuckbuddy?"

"Don't say things like that, Tanya" said Lizzie.

I stood still as a rock.

Tanya?

Edward's Tanya?

The dead Tanya?

She was very loud and vocal for a corpse.

Tanya got into her car once she realized we were not going to let her in to wait and she sped off , threatening to return later.

I turned to Lizzie.

"That was Edward's ex wife?"

"Yes, she is a bitch. I was so glad when he divorced her."

"Did he date any other Tanya's?"

"No, but he dated a lot of bitches."

I mulled this over. So, Tanya was very much alive.

Interesting.

"Please don't tell Edward she was here. He has been in a good mood mostly and I don't want him going back to being nasty all the time. She has that effect on him."

"I won't say a word." I promised. No way would I tell him I met Tanya. I laughed a little at the news Edward had been in a good mood, he must be a real bear when he isn't if his mood is better at the moment. How do they live with him? He is up one minute, moody and depressed the next. He often stands several feet away and looks like he is gathering his courage to speak, then he backs off or turns away.

I don't get him at all. Men.

Moody bastards.

Who needs them.

Esme came out and sat by the pool. She is so attractive but she looks haunted. Lizzie loves her mother and it is a shame Esme is ill. I suspect she has an alcohol dependency but it's none of my business. I like her, she can be witty and funny when the men are not around but she looks tired and weak and she lays on the sun lounge and soaks up some vitamin D.

Lizzie sets up a net across the center of the pool and we play pool volley ball and we are both squealing and jumping up out of the water and enjoying ourselves when I turn to grab the ball she hit past me and notice Edward has returned and is watching us. He flushes when he sees I have caught him and I wonder why.

Its only when I go to my room to change I realize Lizzie's bathing suit really doesn't fit me much at all. My rack may be smaller than Victoria's but it's bigger than Lizzie's. And it's no wonder Tanya assumed I was a bimbo.

I showered and changed and went to check on a sleeping Tyler. Edward is sitting beside the crib, watching his son sleep, so I left silently and went downstairs.

I often cook dinner, it's fun in this amazing kitchen. It's a master chefs idea of Heaven and I get lost just looking at the equipment and appliances. Oh to be the master of this kitchen. Mistress. Whatever.

I am chopping and grating and have a food processor going when Edward sidles in and offers to help so I set him up browning the meat and together we assemble a meal for the family. Emmett is coming to dinner and bringing a friend. Edward is strangely nervous about it. He is hard to read and understand. I have mainly given up trying.

"Thank you for cooking dinner" he says as the lasagna and the egg and bacon quiche bake and the vegetable risotto smells delicious. Garlic bread goes in at the last minute and I hear voices in the hallway. Edward is so nervous I figure either Emmett is dating one of his exes, and pray it's not Tanya, or else maybe Victoria herself is making an appearance so I am completely unprepared to walk into the sitting room and find Rose standing beside Emmett, looking amazing as always.

"Bella!" she squeals and we are hugging and laughing while the brothers stand and watch. Emmett looks relaxed and happy, Edward looks like a scared little boy.

Whatever.

"What are you doing here, girlfriend?" I ask.

"I am on a date" she grins."With Emmett."

I laugh then it hits me.

Oh.

Okay.

The charade is over.

We are no longer pretending I am Victoria.

Am I meant to leave tonight when Emmett takes Rose home?

I excuse myself and check on dinner, tears falling before I can blink them away.

Edward is standing behind me.

"You know I am not his mother. I know that."

"I know he wouldn't be here if you hadn't saved him."

"As if I would leave him to drown."

"Victoria did" he replied.

"No" I deny, even though I have no idea why she left him in that car.

Dinner would be a tense affair except Esme and Carlisle have no idea anything is wrong and Lizzie is telling Rose stories about Emmett when he was younger and nobody expects me to talk so I keep busy serving everyone and rush up stairs as soon as the meal is over to attend to a crying Tyler, whose schedule is all out of whack today, so I give him a bath and heat a bottle of formula. I trust Edward has fed him food today, he seems happy with just his bottle so I let him snuggle down on my lap and sing to him until he falls asleep. I don't want to put him into the crib if this is the last time I get to hold him. Edward is standing at the door, his hands clenched at his sides.

"I will go with Rose if that's what you want." I say, not wanting to mean it, not wanting him to accept.

"You don't have to go."

"Don't I? Why did Emmett bring Rose here then?"

"I think because it's time we all laid our cards on the table."

"Do your parents know I am not Victoria?"

"They know you are Bella and you love my son. I think they have figured out I would never have dated a woman like you."

I blush at his words and he comes to my side.

"That's a compliment. I have never dated a nice, decent woman in my life. I have only dated women who want me for what I can give them. You are unique. You have never asked me for anything"

"Can I ask you for something now?"

"Go ahead"

He looks apprehensive.

"Can I stay? Can I be Tyler's Nanny?"

"Why did you tell your Father you already were? Why didn't you ask him to come and rescue you?"

"I was never in need of rescuing. You don't scare me, you know."

"I could have murdered you and hid your body in the forest."

"Like you did Tanya's."

He had the grace to blush.

"She was here today, looking for you."

"That bitch. I hope she wasn't rude to you but I know she would have been."

"She thinks I am your fuckbuddy."

"I should be so lucky.' he murmured, I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it.

I stood up to put Tyler in his crib and Edward took him from me and laid him down and put his blue blanket over him.

"I would love you to stay and be his Nanny. We...he loves you. I will add you to the payroll tomorrow. I owe you a little backpay."

"Don't worry about it" I said, brightly. I was staying.

"He never wakes at night now. You can take your bedroom back and I will move into the guestroom." I suggested.

"Whatever you think is best" he replied.

I went downstairs a lot happier, I was Bella Swan and I was staying with my Tyler.

Lizzie had made banana splits for everyone for dessert and so I joined in with the banter, happy everything was out in the open.

"So, Bella Swan, you are the fulltime nanny now?" said Emmett with a grin.

"Yep. I guess I am."

"Nobody who ever met Victoria when they were sober would ever mistake you for her, you know. She is a cold hearted bitch. Well, she would be, if she had a heart, that is."

"She gave us all Tyler so she can't be all bad" I said innocently.

"I shall collect you this Friday to go for our fitting of the fish dresses. After lunch, okay?" said Rose.

"Sure." I said, glancing at Edward.

He smiled and nodded.

"Fish dresses?" asked Emmett.

"Bella and I are to be bridesmaids for our mutual friend Alice, and we have the privilege of wearing dresses the becoming hue of dead salmon. We will look hideous, but that is probably part of the Pixie's plan, make sure nobody is looking at us, and not her."

"It is a problem, when her friend is as gorgeous as you, Rose. It's her day, you don't need to hog the limelight just because you are the most beautiful one there." I added."At least she could let me wear a decent color, nobody will be looking at me anyway."

Edward was frowning and looking intently at me.

"You really don't see yourself clearly, do you?"

"She never has. Natural beauty, so hard to compete against." said Rose, oddly.

"What do you mean? Generic girl next door. I am pretty clear about that."

He shook his head and I wondered what they were on about. Rose is the beauty. I am the thorn beside her.

I dismissed the thought. I was so happy to be staying with Tyler a bit longer. I suppose he won't need a Nanny forever but maybe I can stretch it out a while yet. Lizzie never does much, she will probably take over once he is older and more mobile. I suppose they are easier to mind once they walk. I am going to enjoy every day I have left with him.

"We need to have some fun together, do you get free time any evenings? I want to hang with you again, I miss our college days. It's too weird, going from sharing a room for four years to nothing."

"Bella is free to go out whenever she wants and her friends are welcome to visit any time." said Edward. He seemed perfectly sincere in his offer.

"Jake's back and looking for you. He got some great test scores, that boy is going to do well in life. That accelerated course was well worth his while. What a brain he has. Charlie is as proud as Billy right now. I can't believe Jacob Black may end up our local GP. Can you imagine how many coughs and colds Jess and Lauren will have if Jake is their doctor?"

I laughed out loud.

"Chest colds, anything they can invent so they need him to examine their racks. That pair are so lame and transparent. And how funny, after dismissing him all his young life, now he is a doctor, things are different. I bet they will fight each other to the death to compete to be Mrs Jacob Black."

"We both know who will get that title."

She winked at me and grinned. Jake and I had been parted by necessity, not choice, the last few years. We spent every day of any holiday break together, I flew to him, he flew to me. I couldn't wait to see him and see if we could still be us. He is four years older than me but never made me feel unworthy of his company as we grew up. He always looked out for me and we agreed to delay dating until the madness of his intense education was over. And now it was.

After Emmett and Rose leave, we go up to bed and I thank Edward for letting me stay.

"I don't want you to go. Did you really think I did?"

"I just assumed once it was out that I was not his mother, I had no place here."

"You will always be welcome here, Bella."

I looked surprised.

"You saved my son's life" he added hastily.

I felt a little let down that it was the only reason he wanted me here but I don't know why. I crawled into his mammoth bed for the last time and decided to be up early to pack my few clothes and clean this room and do the swap.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

I moved back in to my bedroom with mixed feelings. I like my own space and I missed it and found the guest room too small and closed in and cramped. But it meant Bella would be on a lower floor and I wanted her up here with me. My mind was in constant turmoil. I have to talk to Emmett and ask him how one goes about getting a girl to fall in love with you. I have no idea what to do. I have never chased a woman in my life. I always chose from the ones that chased me, made my selection and took what they offered and moved on when it got...complicated. When they wanted me to cuddle them after sex, or sleep over the whole night or take them to dinner or once, one woman asked me to come meet her family. I was gone two minutes later, dressing faster than humanly possible, vaguely pleading a crisis at work and busy time of the year for CEO'ing, and a dying grandmother probably. I avoided her calls and breathed a sigh of relief when she gave up.

This is the first time I have been attracted to a woman in this foreign way, I want to wait for her at the end of the aisle, I want to put my babies inside her, I want to lie beside her in my bed and hold her close and never let her go. I want to kiss her in my meadow and buy her flowers and send her a card on Valentines Day and massage her feet and wash her hair and hold her hand. I want to tattoo her name on my body and trace my name where she has mine on hers. I want people to look at us and know we are a couple and will be together forever.

I know I have to start small, I guess proposing is out until she at least kisses me? I mean, I would propose today if I thought she would do anything but run screaming to the hills.

I can now see why it was pure insanity to marry Tanya. I went about it like I was buying a show pony or a new car. I cared very little for her but I liked that men noticed her on my arm and envied me. I liked that she looked good and spoke well and knew her place. Of course, I came down to earth with a thump when we were married and she stopped trying and just wanted to travel and play games and sleep around. I didn't expect her to be faithful, she never offered to be, in fact she made it clear she had other lovers but I assumed she would be discrete like she had been before the wedding, but no. She made me look a fool and I ended it, to her shock and surprise.

She felt I acted unfairly and hastily and maybe I had seeing she hadn't done anything I hadn't known about, but I knew I had made an error in judgement and being the type of man who likes cleaning up his mistakes, I simply had the divorce started without even discussing it with her. I packed up, moved back and solved my parents current crisis and took over so my dear father could exist in the bubble of scientific discovery and medicine, he could be finding a cure for cancer, he just never remembers to pay his bills or question if some scammer is on the level. His brain is off with the other great brains, just not suited to mortgages and payments due.

My mother needed a short stay in a 'rest home' and came back dried out, ready to fight the addiction, my sister simply needed pulling into line and being given rules and restrictions and now she is getting professional help, I can see a time in the future when I will be able to move on with my own personal life and create a family of my own. I have the ingredients, a woman I love, a son ready made and myself a willing and loving husband to be, so all I need is Isabella Swan to want what I want and I can book the church. It seems simple but I have no idea how to court a woman. Does she want me to pursue her? Does she even like me?

In the past, the women who liked me came up and whispered what they had to offer in my ear and I accepted or rejected. I can't see Bella doing that. This Jacob Black person seems to be a contender for her love. That makes him my enemy.

I know she loves my son, maybe she will marry me just to be his legal mother? I must call Aro and find out what the hell is stopping him from locating Victoria and getting her signed up, paid off and tidied away.

I like a neat and tidy house.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Edward, you cannot ask her to marry you by offering your son as a bribe. Forget it."

"But she loves him and I know she wants to be his mother."

"I don't think she wants that at any cost."

"But she gets me as well, and I will be a loyal and loving husband."

"I don't think Bella even knows you are interested in her. How about you ask her out on a date? Esme and Lizzie can watch the baby, if you go to dinner and a movie, he will be asleep in bed anyway."

"Bella hasn't been to dinner or a movie since she came here."

"Has anyone asked her to?"

"No, she is in my house all day, she doesn't see anyone but us."

"Then how do you know she wouldn't like a break? Just ask her."

"What do I say?"

"You say'Bella, would you like to go out to dinner with me and to see a movie afterwards.' Then you say what night, what movie and maybe what restaurant or ask her if she likes Chinese food or whatever type of cuisine you have in mind. Something like 'I thought we could go to Santino's on Short street then see the new Tom Cruise movie' ."

"Does she like Tom Cruise?"

"She will soon tell you that. She may answer 'I would love to go to dinner but I prefer Chez Bella's and I want to see the new Brad Pitt movie actually' then you go book both those things. You can do this, Edward. I have been taking girls on dates since I was 15, you are 27. It's time you started. Didn't you ever date Tanya?"

"I took her to functions, I didn't want to spend time with her unless it was for sex or related to my business."

"Yet you married her. I don't understand how that brain of yours thinks."

"She seemed like an asset at the time."

"An asset. Did you love her?"

"Of course not, Emmett. It would be difficult or impossible to love Tanya, don't you think?"

"But you love Bella? You are not doing this just to avoid paying her to be Tyler's Nanny?"

"Of course I love her and no, I will keep paying her if she wants."

"I don't think you need to pay your wife to look after your child."

"Fine. Then I will give her an allowance."

"I wouldn't mention that yet. Let's wait and see if she dates you first."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"I don't know. I know she dated a bit at Forks and college and I am trying to find out more from Rose about Jacob Black. It seems Bella has spent a lot of her life with him in it. As friends but maybe more. I don't know."

"Is he her boyfriend?"

"I don't think so. Did she email him at all?"

"I don't read her emails."

"Good. That is a step in the right direction. Girls don't like you reading their stuff. Just give her plenty of choice and if she chooses you, it means more. Understand? If she dates other men as well and still chooses you in the end, it will be a sweet victory. Like me and Rose. She has dated a lot of men, like maybe more men than I have dated women but she has chosen to date me exclusively so it's a big deal, right?"

"So, I encourage Bella to date other men but to choose me."

"Okay, yeah, basically. She will date other men if she wants anyway, you know. You can't control her"

I huffed and paced the floor.

I can't control her. I want to control her. Maybe I can control him. I need to know everything about Jacob Black and find out his intentions. Find out what he can offer her, and see how it stacks up against what I can.

Emmett has already looked into it somewhat. His education was paid for my the community, on the understanding he paid them back by agreeing to be the local doctor for a minimum of five years so I can't even offer him some amazing job package to go to NY or LA. He was raised at La Push and is a Native American. I wonder how attractive he is. I wonder if Bella prefers native Americans? I wonder if she pictures her future with him, and a couple of little black haired children?

Does she love Tyler more than her dream children? What will he be to her if she marries Jacob Black, will she want to stay in touch and see him still? I know Tyler was never part of her plans, it was a happy accident she found him and saved his life.

I fear that at the moment, Tyler is my only asset because I know Bella would never see my wealth as a reason to choose me over anyone else. I have never met a woman so unimpressed by money.

Emmett left and I sat and thought about everything he said. I have to make myself a real contender in her eyes and I have no idea how to go about it.

I walked along the hallway, looking into my rooms, the library, that can't be changed, the sitting room already is crowded, with my grand piano now in it, there is nowhere up here to fit in a bedroom for Bella and I want her living up here. I want her feeling like one of us, part of my little family.

The next floor down means she is beside Lizzie and will make her disconnected with me even more, it will be like she lives in Switzerland, neutral territory, a cross between a guest and the hired help. I don't want her seeing herself like merely that. She is so much more.

Lizzie wanders upstairs and I wonder if I can get her to help me with Bella.

"How has she settled in? Does she like the room?"

"She said it is four times the size of her bedroom at Charlie's. And she loves having her own bathroom. She said much as she loves your room, she felt guilty about you lending it to her and she is more comfortable taking the guest room. I like her being in the bedroom next to mine. Maybe I will get some sleep now and not be woken up like I was when you slept there. 'Oh Bella, yes, yes'. It sounded like a porn movie."

"How would you know what a porn movie sounds like?" I growled. It was hardly my fault my mind conjured up dreams of Bella and I in intimate positions, I am used to a full sex life and now nothing? I feel incredibly frustrated and even more so because seeking pleasure elsewhere is not an option. I considered getting myself a 'fuckbuddy' as everyone so crudely calls it, but I want her body, not some faceless stranger. It is hardly fair. She has changed my life completely, now my head is full of her, isn't that enough? Do my dreams also have to be invaded? Does she have to rule and ruin my sex life as well? It appears so. I want to control her but she is controlling me.

And she isn't even aware or trying. What would it be like if she was?

I am so fucked and not in a good way.


	5. Chapter 5

**First, yes this will be a Bella and Edward story. Second, it may take a while, and I can't keep writing the same thing over and over so if you want virgin Bella saving herself for Edward, who is no virgin remember, read something else because I need to go places I have never written before or stop writing. If I end up the only one reading this, so be it. I have to give Jake a turn, I owe him. I am usually so dismissive of his character. I have NOT changed Teams, I will always be Team Edward, but Taylor Lautner really pulled that whole contender thing off in Eclipse, for me anyway.**

The Rage

Chapter 5

Freedom and Fast Cars

"Edward, seriously?"

"You need a car, I have several, I want you to take it. Consider it a perk of the job."

He is giving me a car? Or is it just mine while I work here as the Nanny? That would make more sense.

There is already a babyseat installed so Tyler and I have wheels now and the open road beckons. Our first trip out is to visit my father and introduce him to my little charge.

I feel a little nervous as we approach Cobain Crossing but it is as small and smooth as it had always been in the past, a mere creek. It's hard to believe it was once promoted to river status.

Edward is going into his office today and Lizzie is off at a friends, and Esme is doing better and has a group of ladies coming around so it is the perfect day for me to go see my Dad and assure him in person I am happy and safe and not being forced to stay in the house. Charlie's last few emails have sounded impatient and questioning, like he doesn't trust what I have written.

I spent half the night up baking in that kitchen and I left the ladies plenty of tasty treats, mini quiches, chocolate cake, little pastry cases with various fillings, asparagus and cheese, steak and bacon, vegetarian, cottage cheese and chives.

I have a container packed full for Charlie as I know he will have missed my cooking as much as he missed me. And a frozen portion of lasagna leftover from the other night.

He sounded gruff as always on the phone and promised to clear the whole morning for my visit.

Jake's VW Rabbit is parked in the driveway and my heart warms up. I have missed him so much.

He is at my door, all but ripping it off the car as soon as I park and I am swept in the air and swung about like some lightweight doll in his arms.

"Bells. Finally."

"Jacob!" I squeal. It has been a while, months. As always, he is bare chested. I forget in between visits just how big he is now. He grew overnight, one day a scrawny teen then suddenly his physique changed and he started to appeal to me in a whole different way. Its been years yet my mind still forgets those abs and that six pack, somehow. Maybe for the thrill of discovery each time.

I kissed his cheek and he placed me on the ground and held me at arms length, looking me over and smiling.

"You have color, a tan. I have never seen you with a tan, Paleface."

"You always have your own built in tan, it takes no effort for you, Indian Chief."

Tyler calls to make his presence known and Jake frowns and looks into the backseat.

"You promised you would wait for me. What have you been up to?"

"I am his Nanny, Jake" I said, slapping his arm.

I handed over the containers of baked goods and unstrapped Tyler and grabbed his bag of necessities.

Charlie was standing at the door and he came and took the bag and shook hands with Tyler.

"So, this is who kept you away from home all these months. Watch out, Jake, this little tyke here is your competition. She even spends the nights with him."

"Hilarious, Charlie and I don't, actually. I have moved down to the floor below, his father looks after him at night if he needs to."

"His father?" questions Charlie, his eyes narrowing as he examines my face.  
"I thought you lived with the grandparents and aunt?"

"Edward lives there too, maybe I forgot to mention that."

"Why would that be, Bella? Is there something going on between you two?"

I laugh at the very idea.

"I am not his type. Relax, dad. Edward is a perfect gentleman."

And a grizzly bear who missed his nap. And the sweetest man on earth when he wants to be.

Jake is soon wrapped around Tyler's little finger and he lays on the floor, taking up most of the room. I had forgotten how small Charlie's house was. Or maybe it is just how large Edward's is.

I opened the bag and placed some toys on the floor and Jake is soon playing with them more than Tyler.

"So, Jake, I hope now you are a fully fledged doctor, you will be getting a proper man's haircut" said Charlie gruffly.

Jake looked at me. His hair is incredible and I love it. Long, thick, straight and jet shiny black. Irreplaceable.

"I would have had it cut off years ago but Bella likes it long."

"I do" I confess."But you have to do whatever is best. If your patients want your hair all short and boring, I guess I will just have to cry over it's loss."

Jake is at my side in a minute.

"I would never do anything to make you cry, you know that."

"Good, keep it long then. You look hell sexy with a ponytail or you could just pull the sides back, like this."

I grabbed the front long tresses and pulled them off his face and held them at the back of his head.

"Very..masculine" gruffed Charlie, sarcastically.

I kissed Jake on the lips, chastely. Something was stirring deep inside and I kissed him again, slightly longer.

Mmm.

"Are we eating or are you two making out?" demanded Charlie, but he was happy to see us together again. He missed Jake as much as I did, he was like a son to him.

I made coffee and placed the cakes and savories on plates and we ate and drank and chatted, Tyler on my lap, trying to fit an entire mini quiche in his mouth.

I open his homemade meat and vegetable mash and start feeding it to him. He eats it all and returns to the quiche.

Jake pushed his thigh against my leg and I looked into his eyes and saw something there that was new, and exciting.

Maybe it had been worth the wait. I suddenly felt glad none of the losers I had dated at college had come to anything. This was how it was always meant to be, me and Jake. We could be so good together.

Charlie fell asleep after eating when he went to catch a score on the flatscreen and then he woke with a start when his watch shrieked .

"Got to go in, have to cover a shift for Paul. Will you be here when I finish?"

"No, dad, I have to get Tyler back in time for his dinner and bath but I have left you your dinner in the fridge."

"Thanks, Bells" he said, kissing the top of my head.

After he showed Tyler the lights and siren in the cruiser, I carried the sleepy baby upstairs and lay him in the middle of Charlie's bed and surrounded him with pillows. He had fallen asleep drinking his bottle so it seemed safe to leave him here.

Jake pulled me into my bedroom and we lay on my bed.

"Did you wait for me, Bells?" he asked, his hands caressing my back and sides.

"Of course. Did you wait for me?"

"You know I did. I promised, didn't I?"

I smiled at his handsome face and he leaned in for a very different kind of kiss to the ones downstairs. His tongue gently pushed in and explored inside my mouth and I sucked it gently.

He tasted familiar and good and like I remembered.

His hand slid up inside my top and traced patterns over the lace of my bra.

I grinned. Okay, we are not teenagers any more. I unclipped my bra and pulled it off with my top and lay back on the bed.

"Nice, Bells. Very nice."

See, some people think my rack is just fine.

Why am I even thinking about Edward? That is so inappropriate.

Jake's hands rubbed over my breasts and ignited things between my legs and I squirmed in his arms.

"I don't want our first time to be here like this, I want to take you to dinner and dance with you and kiss your lips and take you to my place and keep you all night long."

"Then stop talking like that because it is not helping" I warned him.

"We can do other stuff, remember?"

His hand grabbed at the button on my jeans and I helped him open the zip and slide the denim down my legs and off onto the floor. My white sensible panties were not what I would have worn had I known Jake was going to be here today. I would have put up with the discomfort of a thong for him.

His hands hovered over the fabric so I bucked my hips at him and he slid his hand inside, under the sensible cotton. I moaned at his touch and his fingers sought my folds and stroked then up and down.

I growled and pulled the panties off and grabbed at his jeans.

Jake had them off in a flash and his boxers hit the floor and released my old friend, his erection.

I grasped it tightly and he closed his eyes and breathed in deep.

"God, I missed all of you" I whispered as his fingers returned more frantically now, stroking and seeking my sex and he rubbed some fire into my eager clit.

I had missed this, in between visits nobody else had never touched me here. A couple of boys had put their hands over my clothes and I even had sessions of dry humping but this was always Jake's territory alone, since we first touched each other when I was fourteen. I had never wanted another boy to touch me this way and it felt good knowing they never had.

"You are so tight, so wet. Shit Bella, I want you."

I moaned against his chest. I wanted him too. Was it really wrong because it sure felt right as his fingers ignited me further.

He hovered above me and I directed his erection up and down inside my folds and we both hissed at the feeling. His fingers were inside me, working me into a frenzy and I pulled them out and encouraged him to replace them with his penis.

"Condom" he muttered.

Shit, thank God one of us was thinking.

"I don't have any." I answered. Why would I?

"Neither do I" he said in an anguished tone."I will stay outside. Do you trust me?"

"Of course" I replied, I knew Jake would always do what was best for me.

He stroked his penis along my folds, from clit to sex and back and I opened my legs wider and shut my eyes. It felt so good even though I wanted more than this.

"Bella, I need you to come soon because this feels so good, I am not going to last long, baby."

I grinned and directed him to my clit and he stayed at work there, the tip of his hardness causing the most pleasurable friction, and soon I was gasping and thrusting my body as close as possible as the tidal wave hit me. I found myself trying to lure him inside me, I wanted to come with my body around his hardness. He pulled back and growled quietly in my ear.  
"Jake, oh Jake" I moaned as my body shook in fever of my orgasm and I felt him release on my stomach.

He supported himself above me with one arm, and we grinned at each other.

"That was close, too close, you naughty girl. What were you thinking? You are lucky I have such mad skills and kept out of you then."

"I will never doubt your mad skills again" I answered."Though I wish you hadn't kept out, I wanted to feel you inside me."

"Believe me, Bella, I want to be inside you. We need to be equipped next time. I knew I should have been a scout. They are always prepared."

He rolled and lay beside me and pulled me close, handing me Kleenex from the box beside my bed.

I cleaned his seed up and thrust the wad of paper handkerchiefs into the pocket of my jeans. No point leaving any evidence for my father to find.

Jake leaned over and caught my lips with his and I moved mine against him. It only reignited my inner thighs and I rolled against his side and put my upper leg over his body.

He grabbed my thigh and hitched it up higher, my sex touching his side and making me rock and want more.

"You greedy little thing, it has been too long."

He eased his way down the bed until his head was between my thighs and he started kissing my sex, then his tongue came out to play and caressed my very core, making me squeal in delight.

"God Jake, I see you have learned some new tricks."

I felt him smile against me and he thrust his tongue along me and made my clit swell like crazy and my body hummed beneath his mouth.

The explosion was softer and more gradual yet lasted longer and felt more delicious. He kept his mouth on me , softly licking as I rode it out, his tongue pressing harder each time the waves started to wane and he brought them back again and again until I thought I would die of pleasure.

"You taste incredible" he said as he slid up to my side and kissed me deeply.

"Do you like the taste of yourself?"

"Mmm" I murmured, he was so hot and sexy, I wanted whatever he offered me. I wanted more.

"So, you really saved yourself for me?" I asked.

"I did. I admit, I may have fingered a few girls and played with some other boobies but none were as good and soft and pretty as yours."

My boobs appreciated the compliments.

"And nobody got inside you before me?"

"No even any fingers. I kept that area a Jake Only Zone."

"I love that you did that for me."

"I love that you will reward me later."

"What nights do you get off with this job? We need to start dating. Seriously. We have kept this on the back burner long enough. I want a real relationship with you. It's time our lives began properly."

"I will ask Edward but I think any night is probably okay. He is always home anyway. And his parents live there too, and so does his sister, Lizzie."

"I will call you later tonight . Can you get a definite schedule so we can plan our dates?"

"I am sure it won't be a problem. Any nights you can't keep free for me?"

"Once I start at the hospital, it will be different but that's not for another three weeks, so I am all yours any time you want me until then. What's the name of these people anyway?"

"Cullen. Esme and Carlisle but I work for Edward, their second son. He is Tyler's dad."

"Carlisle Cullen the doctor? There can't be another man with that name in this area. He is about to be my new boss. He took the teaching position at Forks Hospital. He starts this week." I didn't know Carlisle was about to start working again. I knew he had taken a break. Maybe poor Edward would get to have a life of his own soon. He must get sick of being the parents to his own parents and sister. Emmett seemed to have escaped free and clear but who could blame him?

Edward should do the same, force Carlisle and Esme to parent Lizzie. She was old enough to stand on her own two feet anyway.

Jake and I took a shower and ran out Charlie's hot water when we got carried away and were too involved with hands and fingers to realize how long we had been in there until a sudden icy blast slapped us straight back to the present.

"Shit shit shit" laughed Jake, wrapping me in a big fluffy towel and kissing me to warm me up again.

"Get a towel on yourself" I chastised him and we ran for my room and pulled on our clothes.

"Bella, clearly it is our time at last. Will you be my girlfriend? Officially?"

"Of course. We always knew our time would come. I don't regret waiting for you."

"I love that. I would have waited forever, you know. I was prepared to have to fight some palefaced weakling to reclaim you for myself."

"Not even the weaklings tried to steal me away" I laughed.

"I have something for you. I hope you don't think I am rushing you."

He reached into his pocket and slid a thin silver ring onto the fourth finger of my left hand.

"No diamond, I know better than that. Just a Japanese riverstone, see. Not trying to force you to get engaged though that will come. This is a promise ring. It just shows my intentions. I promise you are not just a distraction, you can expect the whole deal in time, when we are ready. I promise you will be my first. I promise to love you forever. I promise to always come back for you when we are parted."

I smiled and touched the ring with my fingers. It felt right.

"I wish I had one for you. I promise to be your first. I promise to always love you and always wait for you to come back to me."

He slipped it off my finger and showed me the engraving inside.

JakeAndBellaAndJakeAndBella around the entire inside of the ring. Never ending.

I peeled an apple and stewed it and after it cooled I added some baby custard and fed Tyler who was half hearted at best until he tasted the sweetness, then he devoured the lot. Jake made coffee for us and we sat in companionable silence as Tyler drank some formula from a cup.

"He is one cool kid" said Jake.

"Maybe we will have a cool kid of our own, one day" I suggested.

"Maybe we will have more than one. Seriously Bells, do you want kids? How many?"

"I never thought I did before I found Tyler."

"Found Tyler?"

"Long story. I think he has changed my mind."

"Well done, Champ. I always thought I would have to beg and plead and withhold sex" he whispered the last two words,"until you caved."

"Honeymoon baby then" I joked.

"You seriously think we could wait until the honeymoon?"

"Good point. We will probably have three kids by then."

"Seriously Bella, I want to get engaged soon and I don't want to wait forever for the wedding. Okay?"

"Okay. We have waited a long time already . Just let us spend some time reconnecting."

"I like reconnecting."

"I meant, out of the bedroom."

"So did I."

"Sure you did."

I ran my fingers through his long silky hair and scratched his head as he leaned into me.

Tyler touched Jake's face and Jake let him put his fingers into his mouth and he chewed on them enthusiastically and made Tyler laugh. He will be a great Dad and maybe looking after Tyler has been a really good thing for me in many ways. I now know, not only that I can look after a baby, but that I want to.

Jake carried Tyler to the car and strapped him into his seat and I gathered up all our stuff and put the leftovers in the fridge so Charlie would have something to snack on when he got home. I dashed up stairs to check the bed was innocently remade and all was tidy and neat and I opened the drawer of the bedside cabinet to toss the Kleenex box in, and stopped suddenly. I reached in the drawer and took out the small box.

12 Ribbed Condoms, For Her Pleasure.

I blushed. Clearly Jake had not bought these or Her Pleasure would have been quite more intense. That only left one person.

Charlie.

He wanted us to have sex?

How very Charlie like of him. No spoken word, just a box of condoms giving us the green light.

Maybe the message was, I know you two will do it anyway so be safe.

I shut the drawer and ran downstairs.

"We really need to snoop more. Look what Charlie left us in my bedside drawer."

I tossed the box to Jake.

He frowned and struck his forehead with one hand.

"I wish I had found these. He couldn't have left them on the bed?"

"You know Charlie, out of sight, out of mind."

Jake opened the box and stashed a couple of foil packets in his pocket and then pushed a couple into my bag.

"Always be prepared is our motto now, we shall learn from the scouts."

"I had better get back. Lock up for me?"

He kissed me thoroughly and stood back.

"Call me or I will call you."

"Oh, I don't have your number. I have a new phone."

I handed over the cellphone Edward had given me this morning.

Jake handed it back and I laughed at his name. Alpha Male.

I waved until the curve in the road took the sight of him from me, and sang as I drove back to Edward's house. My life is going pretty much as I wanted it to. A job I enjoy, friends, family and now Jake and I are officially a couple. What more could I want?

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X

I paced the floor again, pausing to look and see if she was at the gate yet. It's been like, hours. How much did she and her father have to say to each other? I went into the office, as usual everything was working like the well oiled machine it is, and I was not needed after I checked the accounts and signed a few papers. I pay these people to keep everything running perfectly and they never let me down. If they did, they wouldn't be here.

I have had the company of only our cleaner for the last two hours. Lizzie is on a date, much as I fear how that will turn out. Esme had her group here and has gone to a coffee shop with them and I did have a word in the ear of the main ringleader and remind her, coffee is as strong as Esme can tolerate.

My father is in Forks Hospital arranging his new office and getting to know the staff who front the new area it will be for him. He won't be down in the basements or in the OR's, he is teaching the new staff, and to my surprise, the new doctor about to be under my father's wing is Jacob Black, so that will be interesting.

Finally the sound of the gates automatically opening and I am beside her door as she stops the car. She is beautiful. Her face is shining with happiness and there is a glow about her that wasn't there before. I wish I could be the one to put that glow there.

The ring.

The ring.

The ring.

My entire vision is centered on the fourth finger of her left hand.

Maybe her father gave it to her? Sure, fathers give their daughters rings.

I just don't think daughters wear those rings on that finger.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

"Yes, okay, Tyler, bedtime."

"It's only 5pm. It's not his bedtime yet. Edward?"

"I am fine."

It came out harsher than I meant it to. The ring. I got the baby out and tried to concentrate on giving him the attention he deserved and to stop looking at the ring.

Bella looked at me worriedly.

"Edward, I hate to ask. You haven't been drinking, have you? It's okay, I can take him."

"No, I haven't been drinking" I barked at her and marched inside. Though I have a feeling I may be drinking later tonight, to erase the image of that ring out of my mind.

Esme arrived home, dropped off by her friends, just as Bella returned to the car to lock it for the night so she walked in with my Mom, who of course, saw the ring.

"Bella, are you engaged? Did Edward..."

I cringe in embarrassment. For her. For me.

Bella stops still and looks stunned.

"Esme, my boyfriend Jacob gave me this. It's a promise ring. We made promises before he went off to med school and we both kept them and now he is back, we want to make things official. It's like the step before the engagement ring. We promise to be true to one another. It 's a public declaration we want the same things and are on the same page."

Wonderful.

Just peachy.

Isn't the world just a wonderful place?

I am sure if I look outside there are unicorns sliding down rainbows and newborn puppies smiling and the clouds are made of candyfloss.

I carry my son to the kitchen and look for food for him. I bet she was too busy with her wonderful boyfriend to even feed my son. He is probably starving. Maybe he has rickets.

I peel a banana and offer it to him but he turns his face away.

Clearly she doesn't give him enough fruit.

She probably feeds him junk food.

I bet he knows what a quarter pounder is.

"Edward, I did feed him. He had his lunch and he had some fruit for afternoon tea and he may not be hungry yet. And what the heck are rickets?"

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

I lay in my vast cold and empty bed and glared at the ceiling.

I had a plan and my plans are always well thought out and sensible and the best for everyone involved.

So why is she ignoring my plan? Okay, she doesn't know I have a plan but still.

A promise ring?

Please.

Are they in grade school?

What kind of fully grown man gives his woman a promise ring?

What's wrong with a proper engagement ring? Too cheap to buy a diamond?

I cringe as I remember the blood diamond lecture.

What type of woman cares more about the miners than the end product? She is strange, different, too deep, too snarky, she wears cheap clothes. And looks beautiful even so. She has beautiful eyes. She is soft and warm and she knows how to love.

I roll over, even this conversation is going the wrong way.

I left it too late. I know that now. I want it to be yesterday, last week, the day we met.

I want to start again and be nice to her and not tell her I killed Tanya.

I fall asleep and dream I drove up and found her with my son whom she risked her life to save and I saved her from certain death instead and she is grateful and falls instantly in love with me.

No, I shake my head. There's no such thing as love at first sight. It took me days, weeks...days to fall in love with her.

I'm not in love with her. I just think I am because I never loved anyone else before. No, still in love.

That's better. She is swimming in my pool and she has that tiny bikini on again, almost on, it is wet and see thru and hardly covers her at all and her soft breasts are hanging out and I can taste them and she is moaning, so loudly, I must be good, she can't help herself, she is moaning louder, and she makes me come and it is so good.

My eyes open and I reach for her but she isn't there and my pants feel sticky and I know she just made me come again.

Damn woman.

I get out of bed and get into the shower and grab my erection which is back already and pound into my fist like I should pound into her. Waking me up, making me come in my pants like a schoolboy.

Damn woman.

Bella, Bella, my head chants, my hand brings me to the brink and she is there on the floor, at my feet, yes, she takes me in her mouth and I pound in and mouthfuck her and do it hard, not caring if its too much for her to handle and I call her name as I release down her throat and she swallows it up.

My hand hangs limply at my side and I feel ashamed I even wanted to abuse her like that.

This rage is killing me.

"Edward?" She taps on my bathroom door and I thank God I shut it.

Her voice startles me.

"Are you okay? Did you call me?"

"No, Bella, it's fine."

"I was just checking on Tyler. He woke up, didn't you hear him?"

"No, I was..in the shower."

"He's asleep, again. Good night."

"Good night Bella."

At least this has made my dick limp and I maybe can get some sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**TRUST ME, have I ever let you down? Well, I kill their babies sometimes but I have never left E&B apart, now have I?My aim here is to try and write a longer story, you know I lose interest fast, this is my 20 chapter attempt, even if it drives me, and all of you, nuts. So, just be patient gentle readers, and feel Edward suffer, and give poor Jake the chance to have his way with Bella just this once!**

The Rage

Chapter 6

Let's Be Friends

I have a feeling Emmett will never answer the phone when it shows my number again. I complained in his ear for hours last night and told him how things just weren't happening like they should be. It was obvious to anyone, Bella would be perfect for me, she was the ideal mother for Tyler, she liked my kitchen, what further proof do you need?

At breakfast the next day she asked me if she could have a regular set time off whatever evenings I wouldn't be needing her. I almost told her if she couldn't work evenings then she was no longer needed but I could never send her away. She will marry Jacob Black and leave us soon enough.

We have agreed she can have four evenings off per week.

She wants to wait to nominate which days they will be until Jake starts at the hospital then we can make a firm schedule. It's not like she ever has anything to do here evenings anyway. We usually just listen to music or she reads or we occasionally watch tv, she is addicted to Lost and is both looking forward to and fearing its finale.

I have never watched it but Lizzie has never missed a single episode so they both speak in almost a foreign language as they discuss Lock who is not really Lock and talk about a baby and a possum skin and black mist and I think it sounds insane but I go along with it and try and make out any sense of a story.

Rose is coming tomorrow to take Bella for her dress fitting so they plan to make a night of it and she has plans with Jacob Black on Saturday night.

"Are you and Jake exclusive?" I ask, my heart in my mouth.

"I suppose so. I haven't dated since I got back from college anyway, it's not like I want to date anyone else."

Yay for me.

"What about Jake?Does he want to date other women?"

"No, we have waited all this time to be together, Edward. We didn't want to have a long distance relationship and all the worry and jealousy and such, we decided we would wait until he was finished and I was graduated out of college and then we would date so it's not a casual thing. It's our life plan to be together. I worried he would find someone else while he was away but he only dated casually and never slept with anyone so we have kept to our promises, to be each others first."

I felt like I had missed out on something special. My first had been an encounter with an older girl when I was fifteen and there were no feelings or promises involved, just some fumbling and she showed me what to do and I just did it and never saw her again. My sex life pretty much followed the same road for the next few years, quick encounters to relieve the stress, no kissing or cuddling, just fucking. In fact, I refused the kissing and cuddling if it was on offer. I wasn't looking for a relationship, just a release.

Then I decided it was all pretty pointless, especially when I ended up fucking a girl I had apparently fucked on two other occasions yet I had no recall of her. She knew when and where, she remembered me, I didn't even remember the parties she said we hooked up at.

I knew then it had to stop.

I looked at all the women in my life and decided Tanya was the best asset and look how that worked out. I have never valued any girl I have been with and certainly never loved them. I am assuming I love Bella because she fills my head day and night, she makes me regret my past indiscretions, she makes me wish I had a clean slate, if I did I would be speaking up and competing with Jacob Black for her.

I have realized he is a better match for her than I am so I will never speak up but I will wait and see if things work out and be there for her if they don't.

I guess I do love her seeing I want what is best for her, even if it destroys my plan.

Tonight I have the pleasure of her company and I look forward to it. I want to just talk to her and learn more about her without either of us getting annoyed and snarky.

Tyler cries a lot while eating his dinner and Bella puts her finger in his mouth and declares he is teething. He is hot and grumpy and restless.

"Just like Edward." says Lizzie."You can tell he is your kid tonight. All that whinging and complaining."

Am I really like that? Everyone seems to think I am like a bear with a sore head. I resolve to be better, nicer. Hold on to my temper and be pleasant.

Bella and I bathe him together and she gives him some baby paracetamol and we sit in the nursery and take turns trying to soothe him.

We sit in the rocking chair for over an hour and he flails about, twisting and turning and trying to escape the pain and discomfort.

We take turns to pace the floor with him on our chests, rubbing his back, and he wails in our ears.

He falls into a restless slumber then wakes and cries and rubs his eyes and he is beyond tired but can't stop the crying and Bella lays him face down across her lap and rubs his back and he tires of trying to hold his head up and finally falls asleep.

I lift him slowly, scared to wake him or drop him in my exhaustion and place him in the crib.

Bella has been rocking him for hours and she is almost dead on her feet so I lead her to my bed and we both collapse fully clothed and I pull the comforter over us and get one of my wishes, a night with Bella in my arms. She seeks me out in her sleep and lays with her back against my chest so I curl my body around hers and hold her close and listen to her heart beat as she sleeps.

She starts to mumble and laugh in her sleep and I find myself wishing I could be Jake because the way she says his name tears into my chest but then, just as I am ready to get out of my bed and leave her there alone, she says my name and I feel a little hope.

"Edward. My Edward."

I lightly nuzzle her neck.

"My Bella" I whisper and stay as close as I can to her and just be with her.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Edward, can you.. oops, sorry"

Lizzie is standing at my door and she smiles and waves and ducks back out and pulls the door closed behind her.

What was that about?

My head is pounding from lack of sleep and I go to roll over and there she is, still curled up in my bed. I inch over and lay behind her again and cuddle up to her while she has no idea what is going on. I get another hour and eleven minutes before she wakes up so as soon as her breathing changes, I feign sleep and she sits up and I open my eyes.

"Bella. Good morning. That was a rough night."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep in your bed."

"It wasn't planned, we just collapsed here when he finally went to sleep."

"How is he today?" she asks, and moves away from me.

"I am not game to disturb him. Not a sound so far."

She frowns and gets out of bed and goes into his nursery and feels his forehead without waking him.

"His cheeks are really red but he isn't hot" she says when she returns.

"Thanks for your help, you were wonderful." I tell her.

"Hey, it's what you pay me the big bucks for."

"I truly appreciate it. I couldn't begin to cope with him without your help" I tell her honestly.

She sits on the edge of my bed and I feel my body come aware of her closeness.

"I feel odd. I have never spent a night in bed with a man. Even though we are just friends, it feels weird."

I am sorry she feels that way but to tell the truth, I don't think I ever spent a whole night in bed with a woman before either. Certainly not Tanya, we had separate rooms.

"Sorry, I should have slept on the couch. I wasn't capable of clear thought by the time we came to bed."

"I am blaming myself, not you. I must have forgotten this isn't my room anymore."

I know full well I deliberately led her here and put her in my bed but I will never admit that.

"I should go to my own room." She yawns and I pull her down beside me.

"Just sleep, we aren't doing anything wrong."

She rolls her front to me and slips back into slumber so I cover her up again against the cold and I lay there and just watch her sleep.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

Everything seems to happen at once. Emmett knocks on my door and opens it and tells Rose its okay to come in so they both are standing beside my bed.I have to wonder at his logic. I have a woman in my bed, and she is a friend of Rose's so he gives her the all clear to come into my bedroom. What would have it taken to make it not okay to bring her in? Us having sex? Somehow I doubt even that would have been a no go for Emmett.

Tyler starts to cry and sounds really miserable. Bella wakes up and jumps guiltily out of my bed, going in to Tyler. Emmett raises his eyebrows and looks at me and Rose just looks confused.

"Bella slept with you?" Rose asks.

"Bella slept in my bed. We were up most of the night with Tyler, he is teething."

"Good cover" says Emmett.

"Open your eyes, we are both fully dressed. Nothing went on here, don't judge others by your own behaviour."

"I wasn't, I was judging you by your own."

I blushed like a girl and threw the blankets back, going in to help Bella with my wailing son.

"I don't think I should go to Alice's. He doesn't seem well."

Selfishly I want to agree and keep her here but he is my son and one day we are going to have to learn to cope without her.

"You go and have a shower. I will look after him. But thanks." I take Tyler and kiss Bella on the top of her head as she stands there undecided by what is the right thing to do. I can always count on her to do the right thing.

I feel suddenly ashamed for taking her into my bed last night, now she feels bad about it and it wasn't her fault.

"Okay, I will go for the fitting but I am coming right back afterwards. Emmett will have to take Rose out tonight. We may be in for another bad night. Try and grab some sleep today. If he sleeps at all, go to bed and try and catch up yourself."

I agree to sleep and she leaves us, kissing Tyler on his red cheek and then she absentmindedly kisses my cheek and I freeze then turn away as her eyes widen when she realizes what she did.

"I should change him" I say, to break any tension and she nods and leaves the room.

I touch my hand to my cheek as if to imprint her kiss into my skin.

Bella kissed me.

X~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"You two looked cosy" says Rose as we drive along in her car. I decided against taking mine as I was simply too sleepy to drive safely. Rose had agreed to bring me home soon after the fitting but I needed coffee and food before that.

"What? Who?"

"You and Edward. I imagine last night was a dream come true for him."

"Edward dreams of having his son cry half the night?"

"Edward dreams of having you in his bed."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I sleep with Emmett, you know."

"That's not a shock." I answer her.

"I sleep with Emmett, in his bed."

"Good for you" I reply. Why would I care?

"I overhear phone conversations between Emmett and his brother, who is desperate to know how he can make you fall in love with him."

I sit there in shock.

"Rose, are you serious?"

"Yep!"

"Edward wants me to fall in love with him?"

"You got it. Don't tell me you had no idea."

"I had no idea."

"Well, Edward has never been in love before and he doesn't know how to handle it. He wants you but he knows you want Jake."

"Rose"

"Yeah"

"I am really tired. Tell me this again when I am awake."

"Okay Bella."

I lean against the headrest and pretend to sleep.

After a while, Rose calls me on it and I reluctantly open my eyes.

"So, what's up? Did that throw you for a loop?"

"Yes, it did actually."

"Why?"

"Rose, I have spent years waiting to get with Jake and now it can happen and you are telling me I have another option? This is a life changing decision."

"Oh, not good. Sorry. I shouldn't have told you."

"No, I am glad you did but suddenly things are not so cut and dried. I always saw Jacob as my future."

"He still can be. He is a good guy, Bella. He waited for you and didn't screw around like certain men we could mention, even while he spent eight years around fellow students, all as horny as hell, all knowing they were in that limbo between being a teenager and being a real adult with all the responsibilities, it's like the Last Chance Resort. They come out of there knowing they will settle down and have careers and marry, but while they are there they can screw anyone and have some fun without consequences. I mean, I did, I chose to have sex with any man I ever wanted and I don't regret it, it meant nothing. It was fun, irresponsible fun.

And Emmett was the same, fortunately. What we did doesn't diminish anything because we both did the same thing. But so did Edward. He admits he slept with a hell of a lot of women in his past and he doesn't even remember them. He says they were all meaningless but will it bother you in the future? What if women approach you sometime, when you are pregnant or something, and tell you they and their friends all screwed your husband? Will you care? I know you, Bella. You value things like virginity. Edward can't offer you that. Jake can."

"I know that. I am thinking the way I feel I should not have accepted Jake's promise ring. I meant everything I said at the time but I had not even thought of Edward being an option."

"And now you are?"

"I don't know. It's such a new idea."

"But you are intruiged at it."

"I have no idea. Gah! Why is life so complicated."

"It doesn't have to be at all. You can pretend I never told you. You can go back and quit your job and go to Jake and do what you always planned. You can forget Edward and Tyler exist."

"Don't do that. Don't add Tyler into this, you know I love him."

"Yes, but he isn't yours. How much do you like Edward for himself, not for being Tyler's dad? What if Victoria takes him far away and you never see him again? Does that diminish the attraction of Edward?"

"I don't know. I like Edward and he makes me feel safe though how that ever happened when I thought he was a killer for God's sake, I will never know. I have always wanted Jake and he has never done anything to deserve me even thinking of another man. It bothers me, I admit it. I wish I was sitting here saying sincerely 'why would I care that Edward wants me because I don't want him'."

"But you can't say that."

"I can't."

"What are you going to do?"

"I am going to talk to them both and see if what you say is true. It's not that I doubt you, I just wonder, did Edward only see me as attractive when he found out about Jake? Is it just his pack leader mentality trying to keep me in the pack?"

"I can tell you, he was going to make a move on you before he knew what Jake was to you and before Jake was back. He is scared and has never liked a girl before. He has always been with useful girls, girls he can have sex with, girls like Tanya who he married for the same reason I paid $10,000 for my favorite purse, because it looks good on my arm. He has never had feelings before and it's fucking with his head. He doesn't know what to do because he doesn't know what you would want him to do. He will sit there and never say a word if I tell Emmett that's what you want."

"Really? Then it seems like he doesn't like me that much."

"It seems to me, he loves you enough to not make waves in your life. Your happiness is his goal. If he can't be what you want and need, then he doesn't want to be an option for you."

"Well this is just wonderful. I am so confused."

"I say date them both. You can spend years making up your mind."

"By dating them both, do you mean, sleep with them both as well?"

"That would be your call. I would. To be honest, sex is a big part of my life and I would never agree to marry a man I haven't slept with. Sleeping with two men is hardly going to make you a slut."

"Sleeping with two men at the same time would make me feel that way. If I date them both and both couples want to progress to sex, then I will be sleeping with Edward and sleeping with Jake, I can't see any way that is okay."

"You do realize I said date them both? It's you who immediately decided that meant sex with them, do you think about sleeping with Edward?"

"I only ever thought about it in that vague sort of 'I wonder what it would be like to sleep with him' way. Now you are making me consider sleeping with him."

"Sorry for making you want a sex life, little virgin."

"Leave me alone."

"Of course, with all that experience, Edward would be pretty damn good in the sack. I am just saying. If he is anything like Emmett..."

"Be quiet. Going to my happy place now."

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

When we got back, I couldn't get away from Rose fast enough, she had challenged and taunted me all the way home and I felt like a cheater and a slut and I was still a virgin.

Edward had cooked dinner and so we all ate and them Emmett and Rose left. Tyler had been upset all afternoon but fell asleep before I got back. Esme and Carlisle were going to a dinner at the hospital and taking Lizzie with them. Edward and I would be home alone.

After cleaning up and putting the dishwasher on, we sat down in the upstairs sitting room so as to not disturb the baby and Edward turned to face me.

"I am guessing Emmett told Rose and Rose told you."

"How did you know?"

"I can read you like a book, Bella. The looks you have been giving me, the panic in your eyes. We can just not have this conversation and pretend nothing is happening if you prefer."

"Oh I would prefer that but it has to be said, doesn't it?"

"Okay. I am in love with you. I will never pressure you to respond in any way."

"Thank you. Why?"

"Why? Because you already have a life planned with Jake and I honestly think he is better for you than I am. I have been with a lot of women, I have lived a selfish life, never considering anyone but myself. I married Tanya because it suited me and I divorced her because I changed my mind. I got a woman pregnant and didn't even know what she looked like enough to say you weren't her yet you are she are poles apart. I used threats to keep you here when I decided I wanted you to stay. I had fences built to keep you in, I read your emails, I watched you on cameras in the house, I invaded your privacy at every turn. I am not worthy of you in way, shape or form therefore I am not putting myself up as an option because it would be wrong for you if you chose me."

"I actually meant why do you love me, but okay."

"Why do I love you? Because you have a pure heart and a beautiful soul and you care about people you will never meet, and you won't wear diamonds and you don't own any clothing with a brand name and you rarely wear make up, and you promised Jake you would wait for him and you kept that promise, and you risked your life to save a strangers child, and you stayed in the house with a self confessed murderer to protect that child, and you didn't even tell Charlie about me. And you have no idea how beautiful you are and you have made me want to be a better person and you made me feel love for the first time in my life and you showed me how precious my son is. And Tyler... you have filled a gap in a baby's life and loved him even though you know you will have to let him go one day..do you need any more reasons because we could be here a while and you look like you need to sleep."

"What do you want from me?"

"Everything. Your heart, your smile, your soul, your body, your lips, I want your eyes to sparkle and shine when you see me, I want your heart to beat faster and louder when I touch you, I want to hold you forever and I want...you..to..love..me."

Edward put his head in his hands and sat there for a while and I wished I had taken option one and not started the conversation.

"Edward, maybe I had better go."

"You are tired. I can look after Tyler tonight. Go to bed."

"I meant, maybe I should leave."

"Please don't. Tyler needs you. He loves you Bella. I don't know anything about how it was with Victoria, he was dressed well and he was obviously well fed and looked after, she must have had some feelings for him so presumedly he had some for her and she is gone and he really shouldn't have to lose you until he is old enough to understand why. When he starts school,maybe. We can explain all the time you are his Nanny and when he is old enough, we can explain how Nanny's move on and then he won't have his heart broken like he would if you went now.

I won't bother you, I will stay out of your way. I will do evening shift with Tyler every night so you can be with Jake. You can stay and still have your life, Bella. We can be friends. I would love to have you in any way I could so being your friend would be wonderful. If you ever got to the point where you were free and happy with me like you are with Rose, that would be amazing. I mean it.

Me loving you is my burden, not yours. I want you to forget it. Go be with Jake, he is the man who deserves you."

"Thank you, Edward."

I walked towards him and hugged him around the waist and he put his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head and we just stood there for a while.

Everything he said was true, he and I were too imbalanced to be happy together, and we both knew it.

Jake was always the one meant for me and I will keep my promises and marry Jacob Black. Because that's how things are meant to be.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x


	7. Chapter 7

**Seriously, I think my little group of readers must be the pick of the bunch here at fanfic, I was terrified to even look at the reviews for the last 2 chapters , I expected them to be all the same, short and to the point, like "Die Bitch". I am humbled that you trust me.**

The Rage

Chapter 7

Affirmation

"I must say I am excited about this teaching position. That new doctor is brilliant, he will have a bright future." commented my father as he drank his coffee.

Tyler had slept through the night and I felt a lot more human today. My conversation with Bella had strangely freed me and everything looked brighter now I knew where to file everything in my head. Bella is my friend. Bella loves Jake. I love Bella but it's not important, it needs to be a patient kind of love with no expectations. I don't deserve her and he does, and that is the way it will be. So long as he treats her well and with respect, there will be no problems. If he doesn't, I will kill him. It's that simple.

"I thought Jacob looks like a good match for Bella" said my mother. "They are very alike."

I want to meet him, and see for myself.

"I thought he was hot" added Lizzie and I growled and gave her one of my looks.

"Oh back off, Edward. I know he is taken. He talked about Bella as much as he talked about medicine. It was boring as hell. I just meant, he is a delicious piece of eye candy. Anyone can look, it's not a crime, it's free and fun and non fattening. But you wouldn't know what fun is. Sorry, I forgot. You should have grabbed Bella for yourself before he came back,"

Thank you Lizzie, hindsight is always 20/20.

"Why wasn't Bella there with him, anyway?" she asked, looking at Carlisle.

"It was just a dinner for the staff to meet and get to know each other but I always take Esme, they know that. And you can't be trusted home alone. I thought Bella was going out with her movie star friend."

"Rose is a model, Dad, not a movie star. You never get anything right" Lizzie huffed. "I still don't see why I had to get dragged along. Edward was home."

"Edward is Tyler's father, not yours. You are our responsibility. Edward has to have some life of his own, he isn't your babysitter."

"I am almost 21 years old, I don't need a babysitter."

"Lizzie, when you start to act like your age, we will let you do whatever you want, with our blessing. But you have a lot of ground to make up and throwing tantrums is not a sign you are maturing."

"You only take Mom so you can make sure she doesn't get trashed."

"Lizzie, that is enough. Show both your mother and I some respect in our own home."

"You mean Edward's home. He owns it now" she muttered darkly.

"Good morning everyone. Look who is in a great mood today and guess what, he has his first tooth!"

Bella walked in, as proud of Tyler and his tooth as she would be of her own child. I loved that about her.

Tyler grinned cheekily and he did look a lot better. Another crisis over. How many more before the rest of his teeth come through? I had hidden my alarm and worry when he was ill, scared it would be something horrible, some disease or bad gene. God knows I let him be conceived in a very risky maternal gene pool.

"Dada" he babbled and held his arms out to me, making Bella's eyes tear up instantly.

"Good boy! That is your Dada. I knew you could do it."

She handed my son to my willing hands and went to make his breakfast.

"What a clever boy" gushed Esme.

"Big deal. He has been calling Bella 'Mama' for weeks. He likes her better than he likes Edward. Who could blame him?"

"Lizzie, what is wrong with you today?" demanded Carlisle.

"Bella is going to marry Jacob Black and none of you even care. She is part of this family, not his. I wanted her to be my sister. She is the only person who has ever seen me as a human being and not just a bunch of obsessions and defects. Edward isn't even trying to stop her. I hate you all."

She stood up from the table and ran from the room.

Embarrassed silence followed.

"Your office is nice, bigger than I expected. I could add some personal touches, maybe some cushions and a framed family photo" said Esme, clearly keen to change the subject.

"I think you are doing the right thing, Edward. She is just a girl, 22 years old, she has no life experience. It would be wrong to interfere and change her path. Jake is a decent man, he can look after her." Carlisle refused to be distracted.

"I just wish you two had met before..." Esme said, her voice full of regret.

Before I screwed up my life and became a manwhore and a fool.

"That was hardly likely to happen, Mother. She is five years younger than me. She was a ten year old kid when I started my downward spiral to Hell."

"That's right. It's better this way" confirmed my father, looking at me intently.

"She has always been part of the Black family. It sounds like she and Jake were always going to end up married and I think they were very sensible to wait and not try a long distance relationship. And college is for having fun, they shouldn't have been tied down during that stage of their lives." my Mom added to the conversation.

Yeah, all in all, they did everything right. I envy them that.

"Okay, who wants oatmeal?' asked Bella, coming back into the dining room, mercifully unaware of the whole dramatic Lizzie episode.

I put Tyler in his high chair and strapped him in.

Bella fed him his breakfast and then gave him a bowl of small pieces of cut up fruit and he fed himself in a precise and neat manner unlike most babies his age, grasping each piece between his thumb and forefinger, never dropping any or playing with his food. Great, he is going to be as uptight and anal as me. Wonderful genes I inflicted him with. I hope Victoria has some decent genes amongst her obviously flawed ones.

Bell ate her own breakfast and asked us all what plans we had for today, Saturday. Her first date night with Jake.

"What do you want to do?" I asked her.

"Well, Tyler has had a rough few days and now he is better, and the sun is shining, I thought I would take him to the beach at La Push. Jake and his friends hang out there all the time and Tyler likes Jake. You should come with us, Edward. Have some fun."

Why not? The beach will be rather crowded with Jake there but I have to meet him some time and maybe a day like this is ideal. I can simply sit back and observe and make my own judgements of whether he is really good enough for Bella.

I almost snort, nobody could ever be truly good enough for her but I will reserve judgement.

"Lizzie should come,too. Jake has some really nice friends."

We already know Lizzie likes Native Americans, maybe Jake will have one decent friend who can distract my sister for a while and get her away from her room and her phone for a day.

I went into my sister's room to have a word with her about behaving and not embarrassing Bella today at the beach.

"I know you love her, Lizzie, she is so easy to love."

"Then why don't you fight for her?"

"Because it wouldn't be right. Bella loves Jacob and I am past redemption. I love her enough to want what is best for her, understand? This is the life she deserves, the life she wants, with Jacob but we can be part of her life if we play our cards right. Surely you can see how much she loves Tyler. She will stay as his Nanny for years yet if none of us pressure her to be more than just his Nanny. Now, I want her in my life and if you do too, you will back off and accept we can only be her friends, nothing more. She is like a member of our family, kiddo, we already have a place in her heart. That's really lucky. Let's keep her here with us and not make her have to go because she can't be what we want her to be, okay? Isn't a few years of a happy life with her better than never seeing her again?"

"Yes, but I want her .."

"Hey, you think I don't? I want her more than I have ever wanted anyone else ever."

"But you are giving up and letting Jake have her."

"And if he ever stuffs up, I will be there for her, honey. Believe me. I will be watching him. He gets one chance. Now, if you love her, let her go."

"Okay Edward. Sorry."

I kissed the top of her head and hugged her close.

Bella wants to drive us all so I agree and hope her clumsiness is restricted to walking. She proves to be an excellent driver and I tell her so.

"Edward, I grew up in Forks. My dad left me with Billy Black on the Res from when I first started school, every holidays when he had to work. Jake taught me to drive when I was twelve."

"Where was your mother?' I asked, hoping I wasn't opening the door to some tragedy she didn't want to remember.

"Mom left us when I was four. She went looking for herself, backpacking all over the world. We lost touch for years at a time but she always came back eventually. Then last year she remarried. Phil is nice, closer to my age than hers but whatever. I think age is just a number, he is good for her."

Good to know.

"You are so lucky" whined Lizzie from the backseat beside Tyler. "I have never been allowed to have any freedom, I still get treated like I am six years old."

"Keep whinging and tantrum throwing and that won't change" I answered grimly. Some days I fear I will be watching out for Lizzie longer than I will be for Tyler.

I liked Jake on sight. The look in his eyes when he saw Bella mirrored the feelings inside me every time I saw her. He stepped over to the car and opened her door and scooped her out into his arms, ignoring everyone else in the world and seeing only her. I knew how that was, and I was proud of him for it.

He leaned in and kissed her lips in a chaste but telling way. It was a promise, this is just a little taste of how I want to kiss you later.

I felt like a Peeping Tom.

"God, he is so hot. You never stood a chance" said Lizzie, quietly for once, thank the gods.

Jake placed Bella down on her feet and smiled at her then turned to greet us. I got out of the car and held out my hand to him and he shook it firmly.

"Edward Cullen. Pleased to meet you."

"Jake Black. Thanks for hiring my girl."

"No problem. I kind of owed her after she saved my son and all."

"Yes, she is like that. Though when she told me the story, I kind of was glad I didn't have to see it. She has trouble standing and walking a straight line, it's lucky she could do the rescuing from a tree. Trees are her second home, she is a regular monkeyman."

Bella grinned and slapped her tiny hand against his massive arm. I felt like the Before shot in those old vintage magazine ads where the bully got to kick sand in my face then Jake was the After shot who got to beat the crap out of the bully after using the weights and becoming an Arnold Schwarzenegger clone.

He could clearly protect her from any threat.

Lizzie unstrapped Tyler and walked up to us and Tyler grinned and his eyes shone with recognition.

"Jacob, this is my sister Lizzie"

"Dada" Tyler said, reaching his arms out to Jacob.

"No, Tyler, no" cried Bella, distressed at his meaningless mistake.

"Edward is Dada. This is Jakey. You can say that, Jakey."

"Bella, it's okay, he is a baby." I assured her.

"It's your name, he should only call you Dada" she insisted, way too upset.

"Bells, Rebecca's kids called every man on the Res Dada, you know that. It just means 'male' to a baby that age. He isn't disrespecting his father."

"Did they? I never noticed" she admitted, looking at Jake.

"That would be because you never even liked kids before this little tyke. Sound right?"

She relaxed and laughed.

"That sounds like me."

Jake introduced us to his friends and Lizzie was instantly smitten with a slim but well muscled boy named Embry and I smiled to myself. He was as far from a movie star or pop singer as you could get, just a normal boy with average looks and a smile that dazzled my sister.

I sat on a blanket and tried to prevent Tyler from ingesting sand while Bella and Lizzie jumped in the waves and squealed at the coldness and attracted every male on the beach.

"Hey bro" Emmett sat down beside me and Rose threw me a wave as she ran down to be with the girls.

"What are you doing here?' I asked him.

"Bella sent Rose a text. Rose lives in Forks, you know."

I had forgotten.

"And you were coincidentally with her when she got it."

"I never leave her side, if I can help it. Thank God for trust funds or I would have to work for a living."

Emmett had volunteered to hand over his trust fund money when Carlisle was in deep shit but I felt it would be better for him to hold on to it, it wasn't like it would hurt my bank balance to bail them out.

"So, you are being noble and doing the decent thing?"

"Emmett, I don't think I was ever a contender, to tell you the truth. I am glad she knows, even though I thought I was speaking to you in confidence, but no harm done. I just need her to know, if things ever get bad and she wants to leave him, she knows there will always be somewhere for her to go."

"And you have taken a vow of celibacy and will live like a monk until that day comes."

"I don't know that I have a choice. I just can't see myself meaninglessly fucking for fun and recreation ever again. She is the only woman I want to make love to."

"Shit little brother, I think you just grew up."

We both grinned and laughed at the situation.

How ironic I finally chose to do the right thing at the one time I would so desperately prefer to do the wrong thing more than ever before.

If I had led a more decent life and never broken any rules, this would be the rule I broke. This would be the one time I wanted something badly enough to accept the consequences.

"I am sorry, you know, Edward. I finally get what you must be going through because Rose has taken my life and shaken and stirred it and handed it back to me mangled and completely changed. I can't tell where she ends and where I begin. All I can think about is my Rosie and what I can do to make her happy. I don't care about anyone or anything else. The world has tipped on it's axis and the sun has been replaced by Rose and I just became the moon and gravitate with her, around her, keeping her safe. And I know you would have bet everything you own on never hearing those words from this mouth. I just don't understand how you can sit here and watch her with him and not run up that path to the clifftop and throw yourself off because if Rosie ever leaves me, look for my body on those rocks down below."

"Emmett" I managed to murmur, unable to breathe "If I thought there was no hope and I would never be with her, I would have done it already but as weird as this sounds, when I touch her, even just brush past her, her body sends me this message that she is mine, and I am clearly hers and I have to hang on to that basic faith. Why would I get that if we are never going to be together? It must be just a matter of time. I can wait. Because there is no other choice."

"You have changed, bro. The old Edward would have beat the crap out of him and locked her in the dungeon."

"Have you seen the size of him, Emmett? Seriously. Any beating would end badly, for me."

"I could take him on. Him and his whole pack. I would do it for you, bro."

"And what would it achieve? She would hate me and never forgive me."

"So, what is the plan? You always have a plan, tell me."

"My plan is to not have any plan at all, and just let her go. It's funny how everyone expects me to fight for her, she was never mine to begin with. If she had been, if we had spent a single night together, I would be fighting until my heart stopped beating."

"You did have one night with her Edward, even if it wasn't how you mean."

"I know, Emmett. The best night of my life bar none."

Emmett and I sat with Tyler and watched Bella and Jake interact in front of us, he grabbed her and threw her effortlessly over his shoulder and ran the length of the beach with her slapping uselessly at him, squealing in mock terror and rage, laughing so much when he did put her down she stumbled and fell to the ground and he dropped beside her and rolled her little body close to his own and circled her in his massive arms and kissed the tears of laughter off her face.

He was perfect for her..

To think I thought I envied Tyler and his connection with Bella. It was nothing compared to having to see her with Jacob.

My chest felt like several large chunks were missing from it, and I wrapped my arms around myself lest my innards fell out onto the blanket.

"Easy bro" murmured Emmett, feeling my pain as it radiated out from my body, just as the love Jake had for her radiated out from his.

"I never knew a heart could literally break, Emmett, it feels so bad. Take me home, please."

He didn't say a word, just gathered up my son and we walked to Bella's car and he waved Rose up and she ran to us.

"I need to take Edward home, Tyler's a bit unwell. You will have to drive Bella and Lizzie home later and pick me up there."

"Can I do anything? Is it his teeth again?"

"Yeah. Just go, I will see you later."

"Okay. What a shame, it's such a beautiful day."

It was?

I tried to keep my face averted from Rose because I knew I had tears streaking down my cheeks and I feared I had turned into a girl. She caught me out and stood still, her eyes wide with shock.

"Rose? Go tell Bella." Emmett said.

"Yeah" she answered, distracted and thoughtful.

I lowered me eyes to escape her all knowing gaze.

Emmett strapped Tyler in seeing my hands had become useless it seemed, and he fastened my seat belt as well and drove us home in silence. I saw Bella stand and turn at the sound of the car but Rose was almost to her and they spoke and that was my last sight of her.

Esme took Tyler without a word once she saw my face, I must be an open book, and I went straight to my piano and punished it for the next hour as I pounded on it's keys showing no mercy. It didn't help and I knew the only thing that could. As I unlocked the liquor cabinet, I realized what a prick I had been to my mother, keeping her from the only source of comfort she knew.

The Stoli would ease my pain and I stumbled to my bedroom and locked the rest of the world out and sunk onto the floor, leaning my back against the door.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

Blackness, precious blackness, blessed blackness.

"Edward, open this door."

My father sounded like...a father, as he pounded on the wooden door that kept him out and me in.

"Do you think we should call an ambulance?He may have alcoholic poisoning, they will have to pump his stomach. He took a whole, unopened bottle of Stoli. It's missing. I was just checking and it's gone."

My mother may not be able to get to her booze supply but she does check the cupboard through the glass several times a day to make sure her friends are still there, even if she can't visit with them. I should have known she would soon discover what I had taken.I wondered what she had helped herself to when she found the door unexpectedly open. No doubt Jack was hidden somewhere for later consumption.

"Edward, unless you want this door smashed in by Emergency Services, unlock it now."

I gave in and rolled off my bed, unlocking the door and standing back.

"Are you okay? How much did you drink? Where's the bottle?"

I flicked my hand toward the table in the center of the room, where the untouched alcohol mocked me.

"You didn't open it, son?"

"No, it called my name and I ignored it."

"Well done, Edward. I am proud of you."

"Edward, how did you do that?" my mother begged.

"It's not the answer it promises to be, Mother. Sometimes you have to stand on your own two feet and find a way to cope without Jack's help."

I know it's not that simple for her, she has been alive a whole thirty six years longer than I have, and has resorted to alcohol since she was abused as an fifteen year old child. Carlisle has done everything, therapy has never helped. Only Jack Daniel's has ever given my mother a few days of peace.

I had avoided it like it was the only alcohol that could harm me but Stoli proved that wrong, it had helped me fuck up time and again. It had helped me knock up Victoria and made marrying Tanya bearable.

But it couldn't help me now and I knew that. It's false promises were cheap and baseless, it was just trying to lure me back into it's grasp.

I was stronger than that.

It almost had me but visions of myself on a life support machine with a dead liver and Bella at my bedside, crying and promising she and Jake would raise Tyler when I was gone, had shaken me back and I had refused the seduction of the bottle.

Wrong vision, I want the other one, the one where she and I raise Tyler together.

I felt ashamed for breaking down in front of Emmett but he just sat beside me and apologized for not keeping an eye out, he had asumed I had simply come to my room to curl up and sulk and host my own pity party, he had not known I had come via the liquor cabinet.

I had decided many times to remove alcohol from the house but Esme's therapist said she had to face it and resist it everyday, though keeping a deadbolt on the door made sure she could never cave and help herself anyway. I know he is the better educated man of the two of us but it made sense to me, lock it away, give restraint a helping hand.

Maybe she needs a new therapist.

"Where's Tyler?" I asked, ashamed I had dropped the ball in so many ways today.

"Edward, he is fine. He is asleep in Bella's bedroom."

By locking my door before I fell asleep, I had kept them locked out of Tyler's nursery as well.

"By himself? He might roll off her bed!"

"Bella insisted on Rose bringing her home soon after you left. She got here just as you went to your bedroom. She is asleep on her bed with him."

"What's the time? She has a date with Jake tonight."

"I think she thought this was a little more important, Edward."

"No, she has to go. I can mind Tyler, I promised she could have evenings free to do what she wanted."

"Then let her choose, stop trying to control her. If she wanted to go out that badly, she could have asked Lizzie or Esme to mind him. She didn't."

Carisle picked up the bottle of vodka and I shook my head and took it from him, I would return it myself. I was surprised to find the cabinet shut, the lock automatically engaged. I left it open in my misguided bout of pity for my mother's pain.

"Carlisle? Did you shut this?"

"What do you mean, it's always shut."

"Was Esme alone when she discover the Stoli missing?"

"Yes, she became very agitated and panicky, worrying about you."

"I'm ashamed to admit this, Dad but I left the cabinet open. Do you think she closed it?"

"Is anything missing?"

I looked over, the other five bottles I restricted the household quantity of liquor to were there, still unopened. Not even moved out of their places. Jack Daniels had not been touched. I shook my head.

"Edward, you know what this means?'

"I do. She put me first, above her habit. She resisted."

Carlisle smiled and we indulged in a one armed man hug. It was a day for celebrations, despite my fall.

I went down to Bella's bedroom and opened the door.

Tyler was wrapped in a sleeping Bella's arms, safe and sound but he awoke and grinned his new toothy grin at he and reached his arms up.

"Dada"

"Now you get it right, kiddo."

Bella stirred and woke up as I eased my son from her iron grip, she was not letting him go even in her sleep.

"Shh, it's okay, I am taking him."

She relaxed her hold on him and he slid easily from her grasp.

Bella rolled away from me and I pulled the comforter over her and shut her door as I walked out.

Rose was sitting in the sitting room with Lizzie and she surprised me by standing and wrapping her arms around me when I stood beside her.

"You know what, despte everything, I think I am changing Teams. I think maybe Team Edward is the better team."

"Why do you say that?"

"I have never, ever, in my whole life, seen that look on any humans face before. If you love her that intensely, does anything else really matter? Go take her some place where your past can't catch up with you and touch her. Edward, all I know is what I see for myself, and your love is more than human. She could never get that from Jake or anyone else."

"Look at the whole picture, Rose. Jake can offer her a much better life than I can."

"Rubbish. You are talking rubbish. We both know money is not an issue with Bella, but have you thought of the joy it could bring her to do good things with your money? Have you even told her about your charities, because I don't think you can have. She would be bending my ear with how amazing and generous you are 24/7 if she knew. Let her see the whole Edward Cullen, you have shown her the bad bits, doesn't she deserve to know the good bits? Does she know you saved your family? You can't change the past, but you have changed yourself, can anyone ask for more than that? How can she make an informed choice based on half the facts?"

"The only fact Bella needs to listen to is what her heart tells her."

"Fine. Let her go. Let Jake have her. Where's Emmett? I have said all I can to you, I want dinner."

I like Rose. You always know where you stand with her.

Bella came out and sat beside me on the couch while I held a sleeping Tyler on my lap. He had enjoyed his bath and eaten his dinner and finished his bottle then started grizzling for 'mama' so I had held him and read his books to him until he settled and fell asleep. His warm little body felt so good, vulnerable, trusting. I carried him to his crib after she kissed his face gently and said goodnight to him.

Bella picked up a couple of colorful baby board books and flicked through them.

"He loves his stories, doesn't he?"

"I think you have managed to instill a love of reading into him already"I answered. I somehow doubt Victoria ever read herself, let alone had read to Tyler.

"I'm sorry you missed your date tonight."

"What happened at the beach? Why did you leave?"

"I'm sorry about that. It was a little harder than I thought. I will get used to it.I didn't mean to spoil everyone's day. And night."

"I think maybe I used you as an excuse tonight."

"Why?"

"Jake and I are about to..seal the deal. It just seems a big step, I know I want to, I just.."

"Aren't you ready?"

"I'm very ready for the sex part. I just have had some odd feelings these last few days. Like maybe I am not as committed to Jake as he is to me. It worries me."

"I think most relationships are like that, from what I have seen and heard. I have never actually been in one so no personal experience. I think sometimes one partner feels stronger than the other then it changes, depending on what circumstances they are going through at the time."

"Like what?"

"I have a good friend from back in my school days. Marcus was dating Heidi from Junior year onwards, he was not that keen on being tied down to one girl at first but he got used to it, they were together all through college and got married after we graduated. Heidi did all the arrangements and she kept the two of them together even when things went stale or Marc got bored, then she got pregnant and it changed. Suddenly, she was absorbed in the pregnancy and he was completely besotted with her. He couldn't believe she would sacrifice her figure and let her body, that she was so proud of and obsessed with, get stretched and marked and fatter, just to have their child. He has adored her ever since."

"Do you wish you had been with Victoria when she was carrying Tyler? Even if you didn't know her that well, it would have been amazing to know your son was growing inside her."

"Bella, I didn't know her at all. I didn't even remember what she looked like. Vaguely I remembered red hair."

"And a large rack."

"Oh yeah, the hard fake rack. I was thrown when you had nice, natural boobs, I will admit."

"Are you sorry you weren't with her during the pregnancy?"

"I am sorry I didn't put him in a nicer woman, then I would have liked to be there while he grew. I could never have spent nine months with her, nine hours was my limit."

"Nine hours?"

Shit, shit, shit.

"Um, I was with her one night." Shit, I had spent an entire night with a woman, and it figured it would be with the one I liked the least.

"You had sex for nine hours? I didn't know that was possible."

"No, I was asleep some of that time."

Embarrassed much, Edward? I really don't want to discuss details of my sex life with her.

"Is that normal? Will Jake expect us to do it for hours?"

"I would think everyone's different and I am sure making love is a lot different to having sex. Once again, no experience, just guessing. I'm sure when there is meaning in the act and love between the couple, how long it took would not matter. Maybe you will want to do it for hours, just to feel the connection."

I know if I were making love to her, nine hours would be no where near enough.

"Edward, that makes me feel sad for you. Have you never had feelings for any of the women you slept with?"

"Never."

"Why did you sleep with them, then?"

"Because, after I had sex the first time, I liked it and I wanted to do it often. You may have noticed, we are a family full of addictive personalities."

"I can't imagine having sex without love."

"I hope you never experience it, it leaves you feeling very alone and empty."

"If it left you feeling like that, why didn't you stop?"

"I did eventually, but I never knew there was an alternative. I didn't know I could ever feel anything for any woman. I know it is hard for you to understand because you have always had feelings for Jake. I have never loved anyone before. It changes everything. It gives meaning to your life and every part of it. I am enjoying sitting here talking to you more than anything I ever have ever done, almost, just because it's you I am with. I would choose to stay here and talk to you over getting some award or being with any famous person you can mention, or going to a symphony or travelling to Paris, for instance."

"Wow"

"Yeah, wow."

"Almost?"

"Almost what?"

"You said you enjoyed talking to me more than anything you have ever done, almost."

I said that? Was nothing sacred? Trust her to pick it up.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Sure. I guess sex.."

"It had nothing to do with sex."

"Then what? Being with Tyler?"

"I wish I was as noble as you credit me. I love Tyler and appreciate every minute I spend with him but I wasn't thinking of him."

"Edward, just tell me."

"The night you spent in my bed was the most wonderful night of my life. You said my name. In your sleep."

She blushed madly.

"Oh no, I know I sleep talk. I should never sleep near anyone else. Rose and Alice used to make fun of me after I sleptover at theirs. I guess I never shut up."

"It made my heart sing."

"Edward" she cried, torn by my admittance.

"You called me your Edward."

She was crying openly and I grabbed her by the upper arms and made her face me.

"Stop crying. This is my burden, I have told you that. Don't cry for me, I love you. I never knew what love was. I am so glad and grateful I met you. I had never felt anything but duty and a vague affection for my mother and my sister. I have felt things since I met you that I didn't believe existed before. You have expanded my emotions unbelievably. Even today, when I felt like I couldn't cope, I felt alive and real. You have changed me from the inside out. I am not me any more and I love you for that. I hated the old me, Bella."

She blinked rapidly and I pulled her mouth to mine and kissed her trembling lips, and it was Heaven and I didn't even care it was wrong. Nothing that felt like this could be wrong, not possible. She responded with her own lips, and her hands grabbed my head and her fingers wove through my hair and she tugged me closer, and my heart felt like it was flying out of my body.

We finally broke apart and I froze, waiting for the slap or for her to run, or scream.

She looked at me and leaned in and grazed my lips with her own and I threw my arms around her and pulled her to me, and kissed her with all the love and passion I felt for her. She was on my lap and she hitched her leg around my thigh and I grabbed it and held it, crushing her body against my own. I wanted us to meld together and become one person.

Her hands were rubbing my back, my neck, my hair, she tugged my hair and ground herself into me, her lips crushing mine and I could barely breathe but it didn't matter, better to die with her than live without her. I wanted this minute to last forver.

She pulled back at last and gasped in air loudly.

Then she stood and walked to the door, her hand touching her swollen lips.

She turned and looked at me and she reached one hand out toward me and I took it and followed her to Paradise.

**What's that? You want details? Leave a review and Edward might tell you where Paradise is and how to get there.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the fast reviews, nineteen just like that!. Thanks to Mick and Johnno, our film critics at work who gave me the official Summit Remember Me Tshirt yesterday. I know it was only because they didn't want it, but I sure did!**

The Rage

Chapter 8

Paradise

I let Bella lead the way but I watched her closely, looking for any hesitation in her steps, any sign she was wavering or changing her mind. She dropped my hand when we reached my bed and she reaching up and pulled her dress over her head and threw it on the floor, so I pulled my tshirt off. She kept my gaze as she undid and discarded her bra then pulled her panties down her legs, openly, no hint of shyness. She knew what she was doing, I had no doubt of that.

Once we were both naked, I stepped closer and placed my hand on her neck, lightly cupping her head and pulled her to my lips, still letting her choose our next move, stop, run, cry, she chose none of the above. She grasped my body and pulled me down onto the bed so we sat side by side as our lips frantically played together, searching and seeking something.

I could stop, if I had to.

My hands roamed her soft skin and it was almost too much, my head was swimming and floating and no way was it still connected to my body.

I felt those soft breasts that I had admired from afar and almost swooned to find they were as soft as I had imagined. I had never touched a breast free of implants since I was a teenager.

The difference between the natural and the unnatural was a chasm wide enough to drop a country in.

They sat in my hands, exactly fitting, and I broke away from her lips to kiss her nipples softly and gently ran my hands up and down her back.

She was tiny but in no way childlike. She had a woman's body, wider at the hips, rounded at the backside, softly swelling at the chest.

I kept a loose connection between us so she could simply stand up and leave. Her eyes acknowledged that she knew that but she wanted to stay so I moved one hand between her thighs and she parted them for me, holding my gaze, never faltering.

Her sex was wet and tight and magical, no man had even been inside her, was I going to have the honor of being her first?

If I did, I would never ask for another thing. It would be enough to feed my soul forever.

"Tell me to stop and I will." I said quietly as my fingers explored inside her warmth, finding her g spot, curling and teasing it.

"Don't stop" she sighed.

"Bella, I need to know what we are doing. When to stop."

"Don't stop" she repeated.

"I want to make love to you. Is that what you want?"

"I want you to be my first" she said softly.

I pulled back and faced her.

"This is a major thing. You can't take it back. If we do this, you won't be a virgin. You won't be able to keep your promise to Jacob."

"Make love to me, Edward. Tonight, just let it be me and you, nobody else. Just for tonight."

Okay, she is offering me tonight, but not forever.

Is it enough?

Do I want to make love knowing she will go back to him?

My heart was racing out of control.

We kissed again and I lay her onto her back on the bed.

"Are you on contraception?"

"Yes."

"Do you want me to use a condom?"

"Why would I?"

"I am clean. I have been tested since.. last time."

"Okay, then no."

"I won't have the strength to stop soon."

"Good" she said and her legs opened as I stroked her thighs.

I slid down and tasted her and she tasted like Heaven.

I licked her along her folds and she moaned like in my dreams and I smiled. Maybe they were premonitions.

I wanted to make her come by my tongue alone so I circled her clit then when she was shaky and edgy and desperate for more, I flattened my tongue and massaged her nub harder until she shook and cried out my name.

I immediately moved over her and pushed myself inside in one stroke, while she was still pulsing with pleasure.

I have never taken a virgin before so I had no idea if the bandaid principle applied but my own desperation to be surrounded by her won. No condom, my first time feeling all there was to feel.

Paradise.

I grabbed her backside and held on tight, pulling her as close as I could and just waiting for her to relax so I could start the dance of passion and love with her. Her walls were gripping me and I could feel the seeping blood coating me.

It was a religious experience, I felt closer to God than ever before.

I silently thanked Him for her, and her body, and my love for her, because I knew how truly blessed I was in that moment.

She started to breathe again and I pulled out a little then pushed back in, again, and she relaxed a little more each time until I was able to establish a rhythm and relax myself, I knew it would be amazing but words were inadequate.

Her blood made it easier and I loved that she had coated me, and it made me feel like I was part of her, she was part of me, we were one.

I almost got lost in the moment and forgot what to do, this was new to me too.

Sex but with meaning, with feelings, with the woman I love.

I gently touched one breast then the other and nuzzled her neck, speaking softly, declaring my love over and over, moving inside her, never wanting it to end.

Whenever I felt my belly tighten, I slowed down, I don't want this to be over.

Maybe she will be sore, I don't know. I moved as gently as I could until she grabbed my backside and urged me faster, and I grinned at her eagerness.

"Bella, Bella," I chanted."You are mine. I love you."

"I think I love you, too" she answered, and I smiled. So Bella, no outright declarations until she was 100% sure.

I moved faster and harder at her urging and felt the beginnings of the end.

"Are you coming? Can you come with me, baby?"

She bit her lower lip and I reached for her clit and stroked it until she shook and gripped my walls then I let go and filled her with my love.

I didn't want to leave her body so I lay beside her, gently rolling her to me, keeping us joined, my arms cradling her body.

I watched her face, looking for guilt and regret and not finding either.

"I know what you are thinking but I can't regret it, it was what I wanted."

"Why?"

"Because nobody else is ever going to love me as much as you do. I had to give myself to the right person, no matter what I promised. I know I will feel bad about lying to Jake but it had to be you. I didn't lie when I made the promise"

"I know you didn't. Do you love me a little?"

"I love you a lot."

"Then you did the right thing."

"I know, but I still betrayed my Jake."

I stiffened at her use of the pronoun.

"Your Jake?"

"He is my Jake, Edward, you know that."

"Do you love him?"

"I always have."

"Do you love him still?"

"Yes."

"Do you love me more?"

"Of course I love you more or I wouldn't be here, I would be in his bed."

Logical.

We slept a little and I felt myself shrink and leave her body and she rolled away and stood up, and my eyes snapped open as she gasped and collapsed beside the bed.

"Bella!"

I was beside her in an instance.

She was breathing but so pale. I really didn't want to have to call Carlisle but she wasn't coming around.

I threw on my clothes and pulled the covers up over the bloody sheets and lifted her onto the bed, covering her with the comforter.

"Bella. Bella. Wake up."

Nothing.

"Carlisle"

I opened my door and yelled for my father, who heard the tension in my voice and was there in minutes.

"Bella fainted. I think."

"What happened?" He took her wrist and felt her pulse.

"We made love. She seemed fine. We fell asleep, I felt her get up, and I opened my eyes and she dropped like a stone."

"Edward, Bella has a condition called vasovagal syncope which means she faints at the sight of blood. She will come around soon, just don't let her sit or stand up immediately and she will be fine.I am assuming you took her virginity and she bled without realizing then saw the blood?"

"I guess so, there is blood on the sheets."

"Her pulse is getting stronger, she will come around in a minute."

"Dad, how does she manage during her cycle?"

"She is on a Pill with no break, no bleeding. It's all we can do for her."

"Is that a good idea?"

"It's the best we can do. If she fainted every time she attended to her needs in a normal cycle, she would spend half the week on the floor and the danger is, she could hit her head going down. Her fertility may be compromised, we don't know, but for now, I trust you used a condom?"

"No, she didn't want me to."

"Edward, you are 27, not 17. In fact, you were more responsible back then. I can't believe you didn't want to protect Bella. This type of Pill is not 100% and you have a chequered history let us say."

"I have been tested regularly, and I have never not used a condom before in my life."

"So, you lost your virginity in a way as well?" he smirked.

"Definitely. I made love for the first time tonight, Carlisle."

"Congratulations. Now you know what you were missing all this time."

"Definitely."

"What about Jake?"

"I think she intends going back to him. I think it is a one time thing, sadly."

"You agreed to that?"

"Carlisle, I would agree to anything to make love to her."

"They take over our hearts and our minds and our bodies, there's no doubt about it."

Bella's eyes fluttered open.

"Lie still, Bella."

She looked confused then paled when she remembered.

"Shut you eyes and let Esme wash your body and you will be fine. Turn the shower on, Edward. I will get Esme to help Bella."

"I will do it, Dad. Thanks."

Carlisle left and I led a sightless Bella to the shower and helped her in. The blood was streaked down her inner thighs and washed away quickly and I made certain there was not a spot left on her, me or in the shower, then I told her it was okay now.

She opened her eyes and clung to me.

"Sorry, I didn't think. Of course there would be...red stuff."

"You feel okay?"

"Fine physically, sick as hell mentally."

"What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong. Jake did nothing wrong and now all I want is to be with you and never leave. You must have known making love would do this to me, why didn't you warn me?"

"How would I know, Bella? I never took a virgin before. I never loved a woman I slept with. It never made me feel connected to them."

"How did it make you feel?"

"Horny before hand, bored and eager to leave afterwards."

"Do you feel that way now?"

"No! I feel like I need to keep you forever. I told you, feelings change everything. I can now see why it is worth waiting for the one you fall in love with to come along before having sex. It's in a different universe."

"What I am going to do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"Stay. Be yours."

"Then stay."

"What about Jake?"

"You will have to tell him. You have to. I can come with you, or not, whatever you want."

"Okay. I will go to dinner with him tomorrow night, we delayed it after..."

" after I spoiled the day at the beach for everyone."

"You sure had an effect on Rose. She was firmly in favor of Jake until she saw your face. She told me I would be insane to choose Jake over you after what she saw."

"Is that why you stayed home ?"

"Partly. I knew I would be giving my virginity away. I just didn't know to whom."

"Why did you choose me?"

"When you kissed me, I felt something more than I ever felt with Jake. With him, first it was friendship then the thrill of my first crush. Then I know lust came into it. When you kissed me, it seemed to be all about love. So I kissed you back and it had some lust but not out of control lust, more love sprinkled with desire. It was a heads up that you were the one, I believe."

"I am the one. I will never do anything to hurt you."

"I hope I never hurt you. I wish I never had to hurt Jake either.

"Don't panic or rush into anything. You know I love you and if you need time, to think, if you need to talk to Jacob before you decide anything, you should do that. I have had a lot more time and experience than you. Don't make a rash decision while you feel overwhelmed. You will choose the right thing for yourself, if you just listen to your heart."

"God, my heart is torn in two. You have the bigger half but Jake is still in there, too. I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't be, sweet girl. None of this was planned, and I know you already had a life plan in mind. Now you need time to decide whether you will stick with it or consider other alternatives. I love you enough to stand back and give you some space. I want you to choose me, never doubt that, but the thing is, I want you to choose, not feel obligated. You gave me a gift nobody else ever offered and I never wanted until I met you.

I will treasure that in my heart. Emmett once said, if you chose me over Jake it would be a true victory, if you were making a well thought out rational choice. You need to decide but I will not rush you, Bella, or push you. It's all up to you now. I am here, I will always be here. Go, explore your options, if you come back to me I will know you are really mine."

I kissed her lips gently and made no attempt to deepen it.

Bella left my room and I stripped the bed and folded the stains inside the bundle so she would not see it if I walked past her on my way to the washer.

A lot of stain removal spray later, the linens were washing and I made myself a coffee and sat at the table.

I had said some pretty words and I meant them but it didn't stop my heart beating erratically, knowing I may have let go of the best thing to ever happen to me.

It was her choice, and she had to weigh everything up, and make the right decision for herself and her future.

She may not choose me, I know that.

I rinsed the mug and placed it in the dishwasher and fetched clean sheets to make up my bed. Black. If I had known, I would have used the black sheets from the start and saved her seeing the stains but neither of us knew where tonight would lead.

I changed the blankets and comforter in case there were any specks of blood, not knowing how acute her problem was, and put them on to wash while the sheets dried in the dryer.

As I turned out my light and slid into bed, my head spun with emotions, so much had happened today.

It had been both the worst and best of days but at least it had brought things to a head. Now I was even more desperate for her to choose me, but maybe now I was in with a chance. She knew what I could offer her, and she would weigh up everything and either choose him or come back to me.

Time would tell.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

Confusion, joy, happiness, guilt, but no regret came with me into my bed that night. I had made one major decision and it had been the right one. How did I know? I have been on the Pill since puberty, yet I let the lack of a condom stop Jake and I from consummating things that day at Charlie's. I told myself I was just being sensible and cautious, as I knew it was not 100% safe to make love without a condom as well. How come that didn't stop me with Edward? I wanted him inside me and I wanted him bare, with nothing between us. I still had the condoms Charlie bought and Jake put in my bag, if Edward had none, I could have used my own.

But I didn't.

I welcomed him inside me knowing there was a chance he would impregnate me and I didn't care.

I guess it means I would like a child with him under any circumstances, and I know he would marry me in a second whether I was pregnant or not, it would never be a case of him feeling obligated. He would be as happy as I was if we conceived. He missed out on Tyler's pregnancy, I know he would bask in the glory of our own.

With Jake, was it different? Yes. I had tried to make Jake come inside me, maybe in the heat of passion I could convince myself I loved Jake but was it more just a basic need for sex with him? I know I don't want a child with him yet, maybe one day if we do end up together, it will happen but no, for now that would not be a choice I would make.

I have grown up thinking, knowing, Jake and I were meant to be, we both saved ourselves, one of us has failed now but maybe it was necessary for me to be tested, and see how willing I had been to fail the test. I had felt such a connection to Edward, it just seemed right giving my virginity to him.

Do I want forever with him?

I think so.

Until I can say, I know so, I will step back and consider everything properly like he said.

I can't help feeling a little rejected that he even wants me to take my time, I guess I expected him to get down on one knee and propose the second we were through doing it.

Which would have been tricky with me being unconscious and all.

How very typical that I have to have a doctor on hand the first time I have sex. It's such a me thing.

"How was it for you, Bella?"

"Well, the doctor gave me the all clear so it was good."

For the first time in my life, I find myself having to think about blood and how I will cope if we do decide to have a baby one day. I will have to come off the Pill and allow my body to readjust and if my fertility is unaffected by the massive doses of hormones I take to keep my periods away, then there will be some months where I will bleed and have to cope.

If my Mom had been there during my puberty, maybe she and I could have worked out a routine where I managed with my eyes shut, to change my tampons and flush before I opened my eyes. Having only Charlie, there was no way to even try, he would have died of embarrassment as would I have, if he had had to watch me and be there in case I fainted. There had never been any choice, the doctor had immediately decided the only solutions were hysterectomy, which he wouldn't do on a fifteenyear old, or continuous hormones so that's what we went with.

I never felt different or missed going through the normal monthly cycle bit, Rose and Alice moaned enough to make me sure I was lucky to be avoiding the whole thing.

Sleep finally came and my dreams were all about a copper haired baby which was nothing new, I dreamed about Tyler a lot, mainly about me being his real mother. Me suddenly remembering I used to be Victoria then I changed into Bella but he was mine.

I smiled as he rested in my arms. He looks smaller and younger, maybe a newborn. Why am I dreaming of him as a newborn? I didn't lay eyes on him until he was seven months old. Maybe I am imagining his early days?

'Mama".

I turned in my dream towards the voice. Tyler was walking towards me in stumbling steps but the baby was still in my arms. So it wasn't Tyler? Who was it, then? I gazed down at the emerald green eyes and realized the baby was dressed in pink.

I gasped as I woke up, was this a sign? Was I going to choose Edward, and become Tyler's real mom and have a sister for him?

I lay there contemplating how the dream made me feel.

Warm.

Happy**.**

Content.

Hmm, all things I will have to factor into my decision. How hilarious is it, that I, Bella Swan, have a choice? Two options? All my cold and empty years at college where nobody came knocking at my door, only the occasional 'date' if you could call it that when I spoke to some guy at a party and we made out a little, kissing, hands exploring over my bra and panties. Few of them ever tried to go further. They had been as casual to me as I was to them, just a bit if fun to break the monotony of studying and working part time to pay my way.

Now I had two real options.

I guess its the old bus syndrome. None for ages then two come along at once.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

I was sitting beside the creek at the bottom of the property, mulling over my dilemma in my head. Tyler was asleep in his crib, lunch had been eaten and the kitchen cleaned, Edward was keeping his word and giving me space, in fact, he had gone into his mysterious office to make one of his infrequent visits, so I felt free to just sit and think.

Lizzie is missing but missing is the wrong word, she has snuck off to the Res to see Embry. I am sure Jake is perturbed that she makes the effort to go there yet I don't.

I know I should be calling Jake and inviting him over to spend some time together. He has left me a few texts and voicemail messages, but I am not ready to face him yet. I don't know what to say to him.

"Oh Jake, remember how we waited all these years and now you are back and we can be together, well, I kind of slept with Edward instead, you cool with that?"

"Bella! Bella Swan. What are you doing down here all by your lonesome?"

Alice skipped towards me and I felt my face split with a smile.

"No, Alice, tell me you haven't started making house calls to fit the salmon dress on me?"

"Bella, I am warning you. I have no idea what you and Rose find some unattractive about those dresses. Salmon is in the in color for bridesmaids. Many celebrity weddings have just that color. And it suits you both."

"Don't lie. We know you want us to look hideous."

"Well, I guess I should have chosen some plain girls to stand up for me and not Barbie and Aphrodite."

I snorted. She was so cute when she was funny.

"Is Jasper here?"

"Yes, but he is taken, Swan, surely you don't want a third gorgeous man to choose from?"

"Alice! So, you know all as usual."

"I wish I did. Bella, are you mad? Have you stood back and looked at Edward Cullen? If it wasn't for me being engaged and all, I would be racing him off and you would not find us for a month. He would have a Vitamin D deficiency because I would not let him near sunlight, I would chain him to my bed."

"Very funny Alice. I am fully aware of his looks, believe me. But it's not as easy as you think, you know Jake and I always intended to follow our Life Plan and get married. And now it can finally happen. I don't even know what I am doing, getting involved with Edward."

"Bella, do you remember when Jasper came to Forks High? What happened to the Life Plan then? If I hadnt grabbed Jasper, you would have. Be honest, Jake has always been your Plan B and theres nothing wrong with a Plan B so long as you don't mistake it for Plan A. Surely you would rather choose your life partner with passion and feelings, not some old expectation of your parents and his. You were never in love with Jake, it was always going to be a marriage of convenience.

And don't forget who you moaned to every time your dates proved to be losers, why did you care? Why did you even date if you were saving yourself for Jake?

Sure, you never went any further than dry humping, but wasn't that more because you never met anyone you wanted to do more with? I really never saw any evidence of you choosing to stay pure, it was simply lack of opportunity. You have an amazing opportunity here, to be with the man of your dreams forever. Dont blow it over some stupid agreement you made when you were a 12 year old child."

I had never looked at it that way before.

We walked into the house and I was surprised to find Edward back home and he and Jasper were in an intense conversation. I wondered if it was in Jasper's capacity of being a psychologist or if they were just two men bonding? The conversation looked serious and they barely glanced up when we entered the room. I was used to going unnoticed but Alice bristled and her mouth was in a thin, hard line as we sat in the kitchen and I handed her a coffee.

"I would hurry up and make my mind up because plenty of hot chicks must be chasing after his fine ass. Didn't you learn anything from me? Grab first, think about it at your leisure, if you decide you made the wrong choice just back out then. He won't be on the market long, I can't see why he even is now.

Shit, beautiful, rich, owns several businesses, has the most amazing classic car collection, owns this mansion and apartments around the world. Sorry, I forgot, Bella hates money. Well, how about gorgeous, the biggest philanthropist in the country, has the cutest kid of all time that changed Miss I Hate Kids mind about being a mother."

"Philanthropist?"

Alice paused as Tyler wailed through the baby monitor and we walked upstairs to his nursery.

"Oh how precious. His photos don't do him justice. I like this one, though."

She indicated a new frame on the wall and I carried my wet soggy charge over to look at it. It was a photo Lizzie took of Edward and I playing with Tyler on a rug in the meadow outside.

I hadn't seen it before.

"You look like a family" she added.

We did.

I stripped off Tyler and Alice selected his next outfit and I hurriedly dressed him in his mini brand named clothes, shaking my head. He can't even read, he has no idea he is fashionably dressed. The square rubber brand label on his hoodie is something new to suck on with his achy gums.

We went back downstairs and Alice strapped him in his high chair so I could spoon natural yogurt and stewed fruit into his eager mouth. He grabbed the cold spoon and sucked it against his inflamed gums.

"Now, what were we saying? Why are you even hesitating? Even Rose is on his side and she used to be Jake's publicity agent and head of his fan club. For her to favor Edward is a big deal, girl.

How was the sex?"

"Alice, is there no place you won't go? We had sex, once. How did you find out so fast?"

"You no longer have your virgin aura. You have your 'please sir, I want some more' aura now. So, I assume, great in the sack...another bonus."

"Alice, he has been with a lot of women. I fear the imbalance will stop us being equals."

"Oh go out and screw every man in town then. Anyway, why would it matter how many women he has been with? How many men have I slept with, Bella. That's right,one. The One. You don't honestly think Jasper was a virgin when I bagged him? He had been around a lot for a boy his age, but with his looks and being in his band and all, how could he resist the fangirls and their offerings?"

"It doesn't matter to you that you were not his first?"

"It matters to me that I am his last. That's the important one. If Edward still catted around town I would say maybe he isn't the one for you but Rose and Emmett say he has taken to wearing a chastity belt since he met you. Though evidently he gave you the key."

She smirked her cheeky grin at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

Edward and Carlisle set up the barbecue grill and Esme and Alice talked as they prepared side dishes in the kitchen. I played with Tyler and talked to Jasper. It had been ages since it was just him and I, and I missed our chats. I used to talk to him for hours while we sat outside in a cafe in the Mall while Alice tried on every outfit in the city when we went on our shopping sprees. She would shop for me too, I just gave her whatever money I had saved and she would buy me several Alice approved articles of clothing. I am sure she contributed to their actual cost but it made her happy and she demanded she choose what I wear when we went out together so it was worth it.

"I have to say, I like your new boyfriend, Bella. Much more suited than Jake."

"You think so? By the way, I don't think boyfriend is the right term."

"No, I can see it's much deeper and more connected than that."

"I meant, he hasn't asked me to be his anything."

"You already are. Don't kid yourself."

"I don't know if I can be everything he needs."

"Bella, you are what he needs. He has spent his life looking after everyone else. He heads his family and does whatever they need him to. He needs someone to look after him, to put his needs first, to simply be there for him and love him unconditionally. Can you do that?"

"I already do" I admitted, for the first time, to anyone, myself included.

"So what's the problem? You seem to like this little guy, so it's not the whole instant motherhood holding you back."

"It's Jake, of course."

"Ah, yes, the arranged marriage."

"It wasn't arranged."

"Wasn't it? What would you call it? Who started it?"

"I guess it was Billy and Charlie's idea. They always said they would enjoy sharing grandchildren when Jake and I grew up and got married."

"So, you are afraid of letting Jake down, or your father and Billy?"

"All three."

"You hate letting people down but at some point, you have to weigh things up."

"Oh, I am."

"But are they the things you should be weighing up? How about you compare what they want with what you want and need? Does that make the scales easier to see? Which side is up, which is down?"

"If I choose Jake, the scales will be even. What they want will balance with what I choose."

"Okay, so imagine you have chosen Jake. How do you feel?'

"Empty, I guess, a little... but glad I made my dad happy, and Jake and Billy."

"Okay, now imagine you chose Edward. How do you feel?"

My mouth lifted in a smile.

"So, what does that tell you?"

"Choose Edward."

"Good girl. It's not that hard, don't over think things."

"But what about Jake?"

"Do you really think Jake would thank you for choosing him when you love Edward? I don't think so."

"I guess not."

"Look at it this way. You are freeing him to make his own choices now, without having to restrict himself to stay within the terms of your agreement. It is never terribly safe to tie down a man who has not explored his options, sowed his wild oats, if you prefer. At some point he will feel cheated and become curious about what he missed out on. Then he will come to me and I will try to make him accept his lot or tell him to move on. It's always safer to be a man's ice cream flavor of choice when he has tried and rejected the other flavors, sweetie. It's just the way men are."

"So you agree with Alice..it's being the last that counts, not the first?"

"The first is fine and dandy, but the first is followed by the second etc. Women often remember their firsts in a romanticized way, not necessarily a true and accurate way, hey, where is he now if you two were so perfect together? Men often can't even recall their first girl. Sure, they recall their first time but ask them for a name and a description of her and you will probably get to hear how large her breasts were, nothing more. It's when a man meets the one he wants to be with and freely decides she is his last, that you know you have him for life."

I thanked Jasper and asked him to hold Tyler for a few minutes then I went into my bedroom and changed into the first pair of Docs Edward had given me and walked outside, hoping he would know what it meant.


	9. Chapter 9

The Rage

Chapter 9

Bella was always in my line of vision no matter what so I saw her leave Tyler with Jasper and walk inside and my body was on alert, waiting for her to return. When she did, something was different and I studied her closely as she walked towards me. I smiled when I saw the boots on her feet and met her half way across the expanse of grass. I hope this means what I think it does.

She is wearing my shoes, she loved them yet she resisted wearing them before, so now something has changed.

She leaned in and kissed me and held out one foot for inspection.

"Do you think I can wear these to our wedding?"

"Of course you can. We just need to find a dress they suit. When are we getting married?"

"I thought after we dated for a while and got engaged and all the usual stuff."

"Okay, I will book a church and we can have our first date later tonight."

"No, I have to see Jacob tonight. You know that."

I had almost forgotten he existed, his whole threat to me disappeared when I saw the shoes. She had chosen me.

"Do you want me to come with you because I will?"

"No, I think maybe as this is my last Jake and Bella outing, I need to go alone. But I won't stay out late."

Tyler went from one set of arms to the next and seemed to enjoy the attention but he crashed quickly after he had eaten his dinner so Bella and I left the gathering to bathe him and get him into bed.

I sat on her bed afterwards and watched her get dressed up for her date with Jake. She chose to wear a pair of dark wash jeans and I sat there, conflicted. Jeans are good, better than a dress, dresses have too much access. But her skinny jeans mold to her backside and show off her figure. I walk to her closet and look through the few outfits she has bought since she came here with nothing. Some of Lizzie's jeans are a little loose on her so I hold up a pair that look particularly unattractive on Bella, seeing she has to roll up the cuffs and wear a belt with them. Lizzie thinks Boyfriend jeans are attractive, why I have no idea. They sag at the backside, fit nowhere, hang from the hips like a potato sack. I have no idea why Bella still has them when now she owns a few pairs of her own jeans that fit her.

"These are good" I suggest and she bites her lip and looks questioningly at me.

"Those look like I am wearing my mother's jeans. No, make that my father's.I have to give them back to Lizzie, I only kept them for emergencies."

Well, if this isn't an emergency, what the fuck is?

She is wearing a purple lace bra and I look at it and wonder if it will feel Jake's hands over it tonight? Or under it? Inside it? Will it end up on the floor? Will Bella give Jake the consolation prize of a grope or maybe even a goodbye fuck?

I try to hide my panic and fear.

She will do the right thing as she sees it.

Fuck.

She all but accepted his marriage proposal, what is the consolation prize for losing out on a girl who was going to marry you, when she gives you the flick?

A night?

A whole fucking night of farewell and sorry and let's move on after tonight?

A goodbye that might change into a 'what the fuck was I thinking, let's go tell him the bad news, I changed my mind.'

I feel so insecure in her love as yet. I know she was still deciding between us as little as an hour ago.

Fuck.

She can't go, she has to call him instead. Perfectly acceptable.

"Why don't you just ring him and save yourself the grief?" I suggest.

"Edward, I have to treat him right at some point, I have already wronged him big time. Don't you think he deserves a face to face rejection? He has been my best friend all my life, I am not treating him like some guy I met in a bar and changed my mind about in the cold light of day."

She has covered the bra with a midnight blue blouse and her skin looks amazing, like cream, with a gentle blush of pink on her cheeks as she gets annoyed with me.

I can handle annoyed, I can talk her down, sweet talk her into submission, maybe even into my bed. That's a far better plan.

I will call Jake myself, tell him he lost and to fuck off and leave my Bella alone.

"Are you worried?" I asked her as she sat and brushed out her hair. She has to tie it up, away from his fingers, there will be no fingers but mine threading through these tresses.

"I'm not worried I made the wrong choice. I am a little scared to tell Jake though. He sacrificed for me, I let him down."

"You can't have it both ways, either you choose me and let him down or.."

I didn't even finish the words, I didn't want to say or hear them.

"I know I chose the right man. And that will get me through tonight."

She puts on a bare amount of makeup. Is that good? Maybe makeup means no kissing and making out at all, in case it gets messed up? Maybe she should wear more? Should I get Alice up here to cake it on her and provide an armor between him and her?

She finally stands in front of the long line of Doc Marten boots and chooses to wear the purple pair with bright red ladybugs on them. My shoes. I bought them all for her. She is wearing my shoes and I know it means she is taking a little of me with her on this 'date'.

I haven't given her the purple with black roses gothic pair she wanted the day she inferred I was gay. I almost ignored her obvious hint then I found a pair and knew I had to buy them for her, no matter what, but I find myself unable to give them to her in case she associates them with my rage that day.

Once she was ready, we returned to where my parents sat alongside the fire, with Rose and Alice discussing the wedding and Jasper and Emmett trying not to look too bored when asked about carnations versus orchids for men's buttonholes.

I couldn't wait for my turn to be bored about my wedding plans, though I have a feeling I will be a lot more enthusiastic than the average groom.

Bella said goodnight to everyone and I walked her to his car when he pulled up.

"Edward, how are you, good to see you again."

I could not match his enthusiasm and I actually felt sorry for him and his date expectations tonight. Bella had the ring he gave her in her purse and he didn't appear to notice it's absence from her hand.

Should I grab her and hold her tight and kiss her senseless in front of him? Show him it's over. Show him who she belongs to now? While I am considering this, Bella throws me one of her 'don't you fucking even think of it, Cullen' looks, so clearly I almost cringe.

I quickly walk closer and kiss the top of her head, innocently, chastely.

I waved them off and returned to the fire and sat silently, wishing time would go faster. I didn't like her out with him. I trusted Jake would not hurt her in any way but I did worry how Bella would react if he cried or begged her not to leave him.

"Want to do something, Edward? To make the time go faster?"

I grinned ruefully at the boys and we went down the basement and racked up the balls for a game of pool.

Emmett beat me then Jasper beat me, then Emmett beat Jasper while I tried to watch a movie but had no idea of the plot. Some fucker is trying to touch what isn't his and I hiss at the screen. Beat his ass, man, go show him not to mess with what's yours. Teach him a lesson, annihilate him, kill the bastard.

The girls came down and I found myself in the enviable position of having two attractive females trying to assure me all would be well and offering me comforting touches.

I wanted to pace or hit something, it was taking forever. How long does it take to say "I chose Edward, take me home now please.".

Damn woman is too polite.

Emmett, the lucky brother who can handle alcohol and never feels the need to drink to excess, had a few beers and I wished I could trust myself to join him and Jasper and restrict my intake to just a few harmless beers but the amount of tension I was feeling made it very clear tonight was not a night to test my limits and restraint.

By nine o'clock, I was convinced Bella had changed her mind and had chosen Jake.

By ten p.m. I was convinced they had eloped.

I gave up and went to bed at 11 pm and lay in the dark, wondering how Tyler and I would live without her, not even a chance to say goodbye.

Maybe they had been in an accident, maybe she was lying beside the road bleeding out.

I was about to go find her when my door opened and I felt her small warm body slip into my bed and seek me out.

Her hands were cold and so I grabbed her to me and kissed them gently.

"How was it?"

"Can we not talk about it tonight? Please."

That bad, then.

I held her tight and her head rested on my chest and I detected the echo of a sob in her breathing. He had better not have hurt hurt her. I had a feeling she had hurt him and then cried for his pain. I was the lucky one. I got to keep her.

I stroked her back and let her be.

She will tell me in time.

We drift off together and I hold her as close as possible and her anguished cry wakes me.

"I did chose right, I did."

Tears are pouring from her closed eyelids so I roll her on top of me and rub her back and let her tears pour onto my tshirt, soaking it.

She wakes and chokes as she tries to control herself.

"Maybe if it hurts this bad you made the wrong choice" I whisper, against my will.

"I know who I can't live without and it's not Jacob. If I had chosen him, I could have never seen you and Tyler again. It would have hurt too much. I can still see Jake, one day. We will be friends again" she says determinedly.

"I'm sorry it is hurting you this much" I tell her and I mean it, in many ways.

I am sorry she feels enough for him to hurt, I am sorry she is hurting because I never want to see her cry...

"Did he take it...well?"

"What do you think? He had no idea I was even considering not going through with the plan we made, until last night."

"He must hate me so much."

"No, he doesn't, he said he can see why I had my head turned, he can see what a handsome man you are and how you can offer me more than he can."

Smart bastard. Trying to make her think she chose me for my looks and money because he has to fight for her any way he can.

"He wants to come over and spend some time with us, just to assure himself you will be good for me. I agreed, is that okay?"

"Of course. It's fine."

Fine, as long as he is ready to see me display my love for her in front of him in every possible way. I will not be chastely kissing the top of her head again. I will show him what it is like when a man owns the woman he loves.

I need to make sure she knows she is mine so I nuzzle her neck and whisper in her ear and make her whole body shiver.

What does she like best? I want to do everything possible with her in time but for now, it has to be sweet and romantic and play on her heart.

Two can play his game.

I have the home advantage.

"Bella, baby, I want to make you feel good" I murmur and feel her melt in my arms.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

I feel different again today, I can control whatever doubts had tried to creep inside my head. I love Edward, it's that simple. If I have chosen wrongly, then I guess I will have to pay the price.

Jake had been so understanding once he got over the shock.

We had driven straight towards the restaurant and I had wondered when to reveal the change in plans, before we order? After we eat?

Jake opened the car door and I wished I had hurried and let myself out.

He kissed my cheek and leaned in close.

"I have some much better condoms than the ones Charlie bought. Wafer thin so you can barely feel them. It will feel like I am wearing nothing at all."

Shit.

This is not the way I wanted the conversation to begin.

How does he know the way condoms feel anyway?

"Jake, we need to talk. Should we just go somewhere?"

"You don't want to eat first? Bella, I have always dreamed of wining and dining you first and dancing with you to build up the anticipation first. Tonight will be so good, baby. Even if it is your first time, I will make it good for you. I know I will have to go in slowly but it will only hurt for a little while then it will be all good, baby."

"Jake, you seem to know exactly what it is like the first time for a woman. Are you sure you have no experience?"

"Bells, don't think about it. I have done some stuff, I told you that. I have never come inside a girl, that is true."

"You told me you were a virgin who never had sex with a girl" I reminded him sharply.

"Not properly. I always withdrew before...I have never finished inside a girl and that's the bit that counts. I always used condoms and I always pulled out so I would not complete the entire act.I was always very aware of my promise to you, Bella."

Okay, maybe his confession will make mine easier, I don't understand why I am even getting pissy at him. I have had a man come inside me, and without a condom.

We walked back to his car and sat inside.

"Jake, things have changed for me since we were last together and I can't keep your ring."

I opened my purse and handed the little silver band to him.

"Why not, Bells? I meant every word I said. I will marry you, I never completed the act with a girl. Don't let what I did do come between us, please. I love you. Hell, if I didn't, I would have fucked those girls properly."

"Maybe you should have."

"What?"

"I did wait, Jake and I did keep my promise to you while we were apart and hell, I even intended to go ahead with the plan until this week."

"What happened to change your mind, Bells? You are scaring me."

"I slept with Edward."

"You gave your virginity to the pretty boy?"

"I gave my virginity to Edward. I chose him over you. I'm sorry."

"You regret it? It was just the once? We can get over this, Bells. I was not as pure as I made you think, if you can forgive me, I can forgive you. Let's go to dinner and start over, clean slate."

"I chose Edward. I want to be with him."

"No, you don't. It's quite normal to think you do because you gave yourself to him. The first girl I was inside, I barely knew her name but I had all these thoughts and feelings and ideas and I really thought we would be something, but it fades, Bells. By the next few times, I realized it was the sex I was in love with, not the girl. It will be that way for you too. Now let's eat."

He opened my door again and pulled me into his arms.

"I forgive you, Bells. I can't say I am 100% surprised, Cullen is good looking as hell and he has so much more than I have. Who wouldn't be impressed by his big house and fancy car and all the charity work he does. I bet that's what hooked you in, isn't it? He told you about his foundation for homeless kids and his overseas orphanages and his feed the hungry campaign he nags his rich friends into supporting. I knew he would realize diamonds were not the way to your heart, but casually mentioning what he spends his profits on would impress you no end. He makes Bob Geldoff look selfish. No wonder you fell for him."

"What are you talking about? Alice said something about him being a philanthropist but we never got back to the subject."

"Really? He didn't pull the 'I am such a wonderful giver, I am saving the world one kid at a time' spiel? I have a new respect for him now. That card would have gotten him into your pants the day you met him."

"I don't think anything would have gotten him into my pants that day, actually. He could have been the Red Cross itself and I would have just seen him as a nasty bully."

"Really? I need more details. He didn't try it on with you?"

"No, he mistook me for someone else, someone he had issues with."

"Why did you get in his car, then?"

"Jake, I was semi-naked, stranded, The Beast and my mobile phone had been washed down the river, I had a baby with no dry clothes for him, or food, and the crossing was flooded. His house is actually the closest one to the causeway and it's miles away, much further than I could have walked with the baby before nightfall. What were the chances anyone would approach from his side and rescue us? What should I have done?"

"Why were you semi-naked?"

"My clothes got wrecked on the trees and climbing out of the cab of The Beast. Shredded. And they were filthy. I had a sweater and a spare pair of undies, that was it, so that was what I was wearing."

"Why did you have a spare pair of undies?"

"Alice's rule."

"Bella, sometimes I think you didn't try so hard to save yourself."

"I never got put to the test until last night and I failed, Jake. You are right though. I guess I didn't. When it came to the crunch, the first man I ever felt true love for had me at Hello, as they say."

"True love? You love him? I thought you said you were sorry."

"I am sorry I didn't tell you before hand, I should have broken off our agreement before I went to his bed.I am not sorry in any way, shape or form that I love him and I allowed him to show his love for me."

"Bella, get in the car."

I searched his face for a sign he was angry or out of control but he simply looked grim and determined so I got in and he sped off.

"Charlie's house? What are we doing here?"

"Charlie and Billy are waiting for us. They were going to have a toast, in celebration of our engagement. I was going to do the whole down on one knee thing tonight, after desert, in the restaurant, Bells. I wanted their blessing before we consummated our love. Which I guess was never real, to you anyway."

"I guess it wasn't" I snarked, knowing it was true but still feeling defensive. What Edward and I had was a whole lot more than anything Jake and I had shared between us.

I stalked into the house and stood before my father and Jake's and dared them to belittle my choice.

"I am officially Edward Cullen's..(what? girlfriend? plaything? sexbuddy? We had yet to label ourselves but these three didnt need to know that) fiancée. We are getting married."

I may have overstated things a little but Edward had played along when I asked if I could wear my floral Docs to our wedding.

"Really. This is the same Edward Cullen you swore you had no interest in, and he had none in you?" asked my father.

"It was true, at the time." I retorted.

"Well, you went very quickly from not interested to engaged."

"Dad, sometimes you just know."

"How can you know already? What do you know about him? His past? He has a child, does he have a wife? Or does he just get random women pregnant at parties or whatever? Where is Tyler's mother?"

"He is divorced."

"From Tyler's mother? Already? That kid is what, eleven months old?"

"Not from Tyler's mother, from his wife, Tanya. Tyler's mother is Victoria. Edward thought I was her the day..."

Shit shit shit.

Mouth filter, where the fuck are you?

My Dad stood up and walked to stand directly in front of me.

"You are planning to marry a divorced man who got a woman pregnant without looking at her? Or is this Victoria your doppleganger?"

"She looks nothing like me" I admit.

"So he got her pregnant in the dark? Snuck up behind her, never saw her face? Spent three minutes with her?"

I can hardly tell him Edward actually spent nine hours, an entire night, in bed with her, seeing he could not have spared much time looking at her face. He remembered her rack well. None of this would put him in a better light so I wisely shut up, and simply stood my ground.

I sincerely wished I had never heard these details and they hurt my heart just thinking about them and my father picked up on it straight away.

"Well, Isabella, you know best. If a man who whores around and makes women pregnant yet makes no effort to form a family after the conception, and has a divorce in his past, is a better match for you than the man who has loved you all his life and saved himself all through college and med school for you, so be it. You are the best judge of these two men. You choose, but you remember, you marry this Edward and you have already seen how he treats women so don't be all surprised if he screws around and has other little Tylers, and divorces you. You are going into this with your eyes wide open. You know what he has done and what he is like.

Jake, you have only known your entire life. He has never let you down. He has always looked out for you, and put you first ahead of himself. He has loved you since you were fourteen years old. He is here, with a new career which he studied and worked hard to get, he has the entire community behind him, and he has done nothing but make Billy and I proud. But no, Bella, don't be sensible and choose the good man, the best choice. Go risk your heart on the womanizer, by all means. Who knows, maybe Jake will still be here when Edward breaks your heart and you come running home to me. But then, I don't think he will be, or should be. He has waited long enough. He should get out there and find himself a woman who will appreciate and love him. And see him for the special man he is."

"I'm 22 years old, Dad, I can make up my own mind."

"Of course you can, I just said that, didn't I? I said it was your choice. You should choose, no matter how wrong that choice turns out to be, go ahead. Choose."

I looked at Jake and Billy. Billy looks like I have offended him, like I chose an ancient enemy over his son. His mouth is in a grim flat line and his eyes sparkle with anger.

"I know of this Edward Cullen. He is a bad person, Bella. He has been seen with many different women at his charity events, never the same one twice. And his wife was very outspoken to the press when he filed for divorce. He did not even tell her, he simply divorced her while she was away."

"How could that happen?" said Jake, jumping in."She must have signed papers."

"Men as rich as him have ways of avoiding the rules we mere mortals have to follow. He is a cold one with no feelings, he has never shown affection for any human being. I pity his son."

"He loves Tyler, don't you dare say he doesn't. He would do anything for his son. You don't know Edward, you only know what the media says. Have you ever met him, talked to him? He is a loving person."

Jake walked to my side and held out his hand. I ignored it and stood before them all, my arms crossed across my chest.

I am so sick of men who think they know what is best for me. I will decide. I am an intelligent human being, a woman who knows her own mind, the next person who tries to make decisions for me better run.

Jake leaned in closely.

"I'm sorry, Bells, I shouldn't have brought you here."

"Yeah, who would have thought I would meet such hate and resistance in my own house? Take me home, please."

"I will take Billy home" said Charlie. Billy made a point of removing the bottle of champagne from the ice bucket and drying it off.

"I shall keep this for an occasion when my son announces he is marrying a woman worthy of his love." he said with very little emotion. I knew I had broken his and Charlie's hearts, they had spent years waiting for the Bella/Jake wedding.

Jake walked with me to his car. He paused when he sat inside, undoing the thin chain around his neck and sliding our promise ring onto it, placed it back around his throat. Then he handed me a small velvet box.

"I know you don't want it, but just tell me how close I came to getting the ring right."

I grimaced and raised my eyebrows. Really? He wants me to give him points for choosing the right engagement ring?

I opened it seeing he seemed so eager and my heart skipped a beat. It was quite simply perfect.

An intricately woven band of interlocked hearts, with tiny flecks of colored stones. I knew Jake had designed this and had it made and my tears fell without my permission.

"Please wear it, consider it a friendship ring."

I could hardly refuse, or throw it back in his face.

He took it from me and held my hand out, slipping it onto the third finger on my right hand. It looked wonderful.

"Jake..I can't..Edward.."

"Please Bells. He gets you. At least wear this, we have a friendship. Get it? You were always my friend, that won't change no matter what happens between Edward and you. This ring is about us and a lifetime of fun and love. Not the type of love you have for him. A friendship ring is no threat, surely."

"I guess not." It is beautiful and I would hate to see it on someone else's hand in the future. Yes, I am that selfish. It reminds me of all the days Jake and I spent together, watching the rainbows above the water at La Push beach over the years.

The tiny colored chips are the colors of the rainbow, I know he put a lot of thought into it's design.

"Can I visit? I need to see for myself he is right for you. I don't think his past is a threat, what's past is past, we all made mistakes. I just need to know he will do the best he can for you from now on. Okay, Bells?"

He drives me home, and we talk about his new career, and his patients, not by name, just funny anecdotes.

"I guess I can cut my hair now." he says with resignation as he pulls up at the Cullen's house.

"I guess you can. I will miss it."

"Will you miss me?"

"I will, but we are being friends, right? I have the ring and all. It's like a contract, you have to be my friend if I wear the ring."

Jake looked at me seriously and cupped my face in his hands.

"I will always be your friend. I will always look out for you. If you ever need me in any way, you come to me or call and I will come to you. I respect that you made your choice and you didn't choose me. I will always be sorry about that because you and I, we have always been right and we could have been more. We could have been awesome. I will always, always love you. No matter who you marry, and I am pretty sure we know who that will be, and no matter if I marry, or not, you will always have part of my heart, Bella. I would always choose you, if it ever comes to that, you know. Now go and be with your man and I will see you both tomorrow."

He kissed my lips but with restraint, just a kiss. Just a kiss to show he loves me despite what I did, and that he will be there if I need him.

I kissed him back, a kiss of thanks, and friendship and goodbye to our plan.

It was so cold, I ran inside, kicking off my shoes, and threw my jeans and blouse off and went straight to Edward's bed. He had been so good, no texts, no calls, I had half expected frantic calls, telling me Tyler was ill and I had to come home, then he would discover Tyler was just teething. Or a call saying Tyler wouldn't sleep without me, so I am pleased Edward behaved and gave me the space I needed to do what had to be done.

I am not proud of myself at all.

I played with Jake's heart and should have ended every dream and wish he had first, before I turned to Edward. I am a terrible person.

Edward folded me into his arms and let me be after a few words and I fell asleep, my brain just wanted tonight to end.

When I woke up crying, I was not even sure who I was crying for. Jake? Charlie? Billy? Edward? Maybe myself. I may have made a huge mistake, I don't know. Time will tell.

Hearing Charlie talk about Edward's past failings scares me. On paper, sure, Dad is right, he sounds like a massive risk. He has changed, I made the right choice. I did. I chose with my heart, not my brain. Jasper told me to put my happiness first, ahead of everything else.

Edward will make me happy.

His hands reach out and he strokes my breasts and nuzzles my neck and makes me forget and just be.

He wants to make me feel good. He wants me to be happy. I have given him my heart and I have to trust he will protect it and treat it well. What else can I do?

His lips make promises and his body connects with mine again and I give my all freely to him.


	10. Chapter 10

The Rage

Chapter 10

I Will Always Love You

Watching Bella sleeping,after we made love again, I wondered when she would want to talk about last night and I have concluded she is still choosing me, seeing she came to my bed and let me make love to her.

Her hands are so small compared to my own, and I take her right hand in mine and look at the pretty ring on her hand. It is new, and I suppose it is from Jacob, who else? Who else gives the girl I love with all my heart pretty rings? Who else wants her to wear his things so she is constantly reminded of him? I understand, I know how I feel when she wears my shoes. But a ring? I have to up my game and get her a ring, a proper ring, an engagement ring. What would she like, seeing diamonds are out?

The colored stones glint in the early morning light and I have a feeling it will be very hard to top this ring. It is very 'Bella", pretty, unpretentious, no stones that risked or cost lives, beautiful in a completely secret and understated way. He has nailed it perfectly, damn him.

Bella's eyes are open and she is watching me look at his gift. Cautious, almost fearfully.

"It's very pretty, very you" I tell her.

"Jake designed it himself. We have always admired the colors of the rainbows at the beach. We used to sit out in the rain just to see them before they disappeared.

It's just a friendship ring."

"It's lovely. It suits you."

"So, I can wear it? It's okay ? "

"Bella, what you wear is entirely up to you. I would not presume to tell you what you can or can't put on your own body. As long as you put me on your body sometimes...often...I have no problem with it. "

I nibbled her earlobe.

She laughed and snuggled closer.

"Do you want to tell me what happened ? "

"Things were not so bad then Jake took me to Charlie's. I mean, I get it, he and Billy had our lives planned for so long, they just were not prepared for me standing up and choosing someone else. It was a shock but I just wish it had been different, you know ?

My Dad knows we are together, and he knows I want to spend my future with you but he also knows you are divorced, and that you fathered Tyler outside of a relationship. I'm sorry, I am afraid my Dad will never give his blessing to us. It won't have any effect on us. If he refuses to come to our wedding, I think Jake would give me away."

"Really? You fear your own father won't come to our wedding? And Jake would do that for us? "

I am surprised on both counts.

"Charlie can be stubborn."

I have to laugh, it is obviously a dominant gene then.

"So, is he going to pull his service revolver on me when we meet? Should I wear a flak vest? "

"You think you are joking, Edward. He seriously has problems with me choosing you. And with me not choosing Jake. I think Jake actually handled it better than Billy or Charlie."

"What does that tell you? "

"I don't know. I know my dad is just looking out for me. He still sees me as his little girl. With Renee gone from when I was just a little kid, it has always been his job alone to protect me and now he is finding it hard to accept I don't need protecting. Not from you. I trust you, Edward. Like Jake said, we all make mistakes, and most men have a past, I could have chosen the safe path and gone with Jake but he wasn't what I wanted. I know you come with baggage and I accept that. Life will be a challenge but we will win. "

I love her confidence in me, and I will never betray her trust.

"We are amazing together. We can show them all. Wait until we have been married 35 years and they all have to eat their words. I love you, Bella, I love that you trust me and chose me and I will try my best to be what you need. I need you to guide me and point out when I do something wrong, I mean, I know the obvious things I have to avoid, alcohol, women in dark rooms, but I fear I may be rubbish at being your boyfriend. I have never been anyone's boyfriend before. I desperately want to do it right and not stuff up. "

"I will help you but don't forget, I have never been in a proper relationship either so don't expect miracles from me either. "

"I already have my miracle. You are my miracle, Bella. You walked into my life and changed everything."

"You changed everything for me, too. We will be okay, Edward, I know we can do this. We just need to put each other first and ahead of ourselves, that seems to be the key to success."

"Well, putting my own needs first has always led to my biggest failures, so you must be right. I want to be everyting you need, baby. I want to be perfect, for you. "

"You are, Edward. Things were never like this with Jake and I. And speaking of Jake, I need to get up and shower before he gets here. I smell like sex."

"Maybe you should stay just like that then. Let him know I have claimed you."

"Edward, he knows. Now stop with the Alpha Male crap and get up."

I grabbed her and threw her over my shoulder and slapped her backside as I headed for the shower, and didn't put her down until we were soaking wet and I wanted to wash her hair. Despite the strange cut my sister had done, and the black dye, she has beautiful hair and I want it to be like it should be, with no chemical colors in it. Her roots are soft brown with mahogany.

I am finished first and so I leave her to rinsing her hair yet again and dry myself and quickly throw on some jeans and a tshirt.

While she dresses, I find my sister, who is at home for once.

"Is there any way of taking all that stupid black shit out of Bella's hair? I want it like it should be, all natural, and pretty."

"I guess I could strip it back. Does she want me to, or is this just Edward wanting everything his own perfect way as usual? "

I growl at her. Okay, I may not have asked Bella. Yet. I will.

Bella is quite happy to let Lizzie strip the color out so I go and attend to Tyler and get him up and dressed for the day and make his breakfast. He is happy today, a little tired still maybe, but he eats his cereal and gnaws on his toast and I get an entire egg inside him, by choosing my moments and avoiding the soggy toast.

"Duce, duce" he chants so I hand him his feeding cup of freshly squeezed juice and he drinks it down, smiling at me around the cup.

"Mama" he demands, when he is finished and looks around for Bella.

"We are so lucky, Tyler. She chose us, we get to keep her" I tell him as I wash his face and hands and lift him out.

I am sure he would be as grateful as I am if he knew how close we came to losing her.

So, Charlie hates me already. That will make things really difficult. I can't blame him, I would not want my daughter choosing me. I would definitely be Team Jacob if it came to the crunch so I can hardly resent him feeling as I would feel myself. How do I make up some ground with him ?

Alice and Jasper appear from the guestroom and Alice takes Tyler while Jasper and I and Emmett, still sleepy but happy seeing Rose slept over with him, make breakfast for the adults. Bella looks amazingly beautiful with her hair stripped back to it's natural color and after breakfast, watching her playing outside with the sun sending flashes of mahogany through it, I am glad I asked the girls to do this. Bella needs no false colors or make up, her skin is perfect and like the skin all those products promise to provide the illusion of. She needs no illusions, she is beautiful. I compare her to Rose, and Alice and Lizzie even. They are all very attractive and all know how to cleverly enhance their looks with make up and fancy hair cuts and well cut clothing from top designers. Yet, Bella outshines them all, with her basic outfit and her terrible haircut and her wonderful smile that shows her at her best. I love a smiling Bella and I will do all I can to have her this way as often as possible.

The men announce we are going to the beach to swim and fish while the women are off on a shopping trip. I smile in sympathy at my Bella, she hates shopping and prefers to order online with no trying on and parading in front of mirrors and having her clothes critiqued by anyone else.

"I am taking Tyler and will use your son at every opportunity to avoid fashion parades. Don't even argue with me, he is all mine today. "

"As if I would argue with you, my love. Take him with my best wishes. I hope he can save you from Hurricane Alice. I thought Jake was coming over? "

"He called. He needs a little time. He is going to spend the day with Charlie and Billy and try and calm them down. He is on our side, Edward, despite everything."

"I'm glad he is still being a friend to you, love."

Esme is going too, so it would be interesting to be a bystander and see my Mom fight for custody with Bella, when they both try to use my son as an escape hatch to hide from the shopaholics.

The beach is almost deserted but I quickly recognize the man in the plaid flannel shirt with Jacob and the older version of Jacob, beside them in a wheelchair.

So, this is Charlie Swan.

I can see Bella in him. Their coloring is much the same, his eyes flash with anger as I approach so I figure he knows who I am, too.

"I thought I should formally introduce myself, I am Edward Cullen."

I hold my hand out to him but am prepared to have it ignored or even pushed away, but after a very long minute, he accepts it.

"Edward. Charlie Swan, call me Charlie."

"I was wondering if we could have a private word ?"

He sighs loudly and hands his rod over to Jacob, who nods at me but his face is a grimace of pain and I feel the grave responsibility of having shaken his world and stolen his girl. I did a terrible thing to him and he did nothing to deserve it.

I don't want to let the thought he may well be better for her than I am, re enter my brain, especially not now.

Charlie walks with me, keeping a gap between us and I know I am fighting for my life, here.

Bella is my life now and without her I would curl up and die in the soggy green forest, and become a shadow of myself.

"Firstly, I want you to know it took me by complete surprise when I fell in love with your daughter.

I certainly didn't plan to and I didn't see it coming. She came into my life and everything that happened before her just lost all meaning, not that much of my life ever had meaning before her. As you know, I have made some massive mistakes, I married the wrong woman for the wrong reason and I divorced her in a calculated and cruel way. All I can offer is, Tanya didn't care for me at all, she only misses being a Cullen and having access to my money so please don't think she suffered in any other way."

"I admit, Edward, I had no respect or sympathy for her when she trashed your name in the press and when she aired your dirty laundry on television, I actually felt sorry for you. At least my wife left me quietly and let me keep my dignity and privacy. "

I appreciate any credit he is allowing me so I nod at him, and continue.

"I also have had a life long battle with alcohol. I can avoid it but I can't control it, but it can control me, and I have made some massive blunders with it aiding and abetting me. I spent time with many women I shouldn't have, and I am truly ashamed to have to admit that. I cannot entirely regret the night I spent with Victoria because it gave me my son, just as Bella gave him to me when she saved his life. I have struggled to become a better man so I can father him as he deserves to be fathered, and your daughter has taught me how to love, Charlie. I never knew love before she came along. Now I can freely embrace and love my child, and I love your daughter with all my heart. She is wonderful, exquisite, unique. I never even knew woman like her existed, or I would have been seeking someone like her much earlier instead of wasting my youth on behaving selfishly and living only for brief moments of pleasure. All I knew was how to take, I never knew how good it could be to want to give myself to someone. I am the luckiest man in the world that she chose me."

"Edward, I will deny this until my dying breath, but before I married Renee, I went away to the Police Academy and I too lived a selfish life, seeking gratification from many women that I did not love nor did they love me. It seemed like enough at the time, just harmless fun. My years there were just studying, learning and relaxing with too much booze and too many broads and it took coming back to Forks and finding Renee still interested in me, to make me see the errors of my ways. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and proposed to her and never looked at another woman, so I do believe what you are saying. A woman can change a man, no matter how low he has sunk and how irredeemable he may appear."

I had a feeling he was referring to me, not him, in that last bit.

"The difference is, I didn't leave anyone pregnant. I took responsibility for my actions and made darn sure no woman would be turning up, knocking on my door with some stray child in her arms."

"I hear you, Charlie, and I did use protection, in fact, before Bella, I had never had sex with any woman without using condoms. Unfortunately I may have been set up from the start by Victoria, seeing she provided them that night and clearly they had been tampered with. It was my own fault, I should have provided my own that I knew were safe. I don't think she specifically targeted me, I believe she had a plan and was just there looking for a suitable candidate to carry it out on. I stupidly fell into her web and I have paid the price. But that being said, there would be no Tyler and thus no meeting with Bella, had that night not gone down as it did. I hold my hand up to making many mistakes, and I am doing all I can to improve myself, and prove myself worthy of your daughter. Don't get me wrong, I know I can never be truly worthy, all I can offer is my best effort, and I will never look at another woman while your daughter is in my life."

"You had sex with my daughter without using condoms?"

Shit. Fuck. Thank you brain filter. Please enjoy your holiday because clearly your presence is not missed.

"We would like to have a child together. My father tells me the circumstances of Bella's condition means it will be all but impossible for her to take a break off contraception to conceive, so we are more or less counting on the fact her Pill is not 100% safe, to achieve a pregnancy sometime in the future. It will take time and may never happen, but we live in hope. I do intend marrying her, Charlie. I will wait a respectible amount of time so she isn't engaged to Jake one minute and then to me. Our engagement will be a personal thing between just Bella and I, until six months or so down the track, then we will announce it to the world, but I can assure you, I will marry Bella. Nothing can stop that happening and I hope in time, you will see your way clear to attend our wedding and give your daughter away. She thinks you will never approve of me, and that's okay, I understand. All I can do to prove myself is to be there for her and be the best boyfriend, fiance, and husband I can possibly be. I will marry her, no matter what. She accepts you may never bless our union, and it saddens her but she won't let that stop us. I respect your stand, Charlie, because Jake is the better man. But Bella chose me and so I accept that I am what she wants."

"That girl has always been stubborn as a mule, I don't know where she gets it from. I will judge you with a clean slate from today, Edward, so every dirty mark on that slate will be down to you, your doing, from this day onward. I will stand up and hand my daughter to you if there are no dirty marks by the time the wedding comes around. I am trusting you with her, Edward. Please don't let me down. "

"I will do my best sir. I never want to let either of you down. Thank you for talking to me today. I appreciate it. "

"Look after her, son. She is my only child, don't forget that. And I have a gun."

"I am well aware of that, Charlie. "

"Good. Just keep it in mind when you fall into the grasp of your next drink and we should be okay. Right?"

"Yes sir. "

I said goodbye and walked back to Jasper and Emmett.

"Show me the bullet holes, Edward " snarked my brother.

"None so far, Emmett, and I am determined to keep it that way. "

"It was the right thing to do, Edward. I tust you didn't try to deny or defend your errors?"

"No, Jasper, I held my hand up and promised him I am doing better. It went as well as it possibly could. I wish I knew what to say to Jacob. "

"My advice would be, nothing as yet. Give him time and don't expect too much. He is hardly going to want to be your friend. Much the same as you are doing with Charlie, just let time show you are a new man and you have changed for the better. That's all you can do. Treat him as you would have wanted him to treat you had she chosen him. "

"I would not have wanted to ever see him. "

"Exactly. Let him come to you in his own time, when he is ready. Or not. He may never want to know you, he may ask Bella to meet him on neutral territory and leave you out of it completely and you will have to accept that, Edward. He is her friend. She wants him in her life so it may well have to be on his terms. Just trust her. You have nothing if you don't have trust. "

"I know. I want to go meet Bella. You two will be okay without me? I need to go rescue my girl from yours. She and Tyler will have had enough of shopping malls by now. "

"Sure, see you back at the house. Have fun. "

I drove to Port Angeles then sent Bella a text and asked her where they were.

"Please say you are here and are coming to free me from this pair of witches. If I have to parade in one more stupid outfit, I shall kill someone. And you mother is such a help, she kidnapped Tyler so I don't even have him as an excuse to run away from the wicked step-sisters."

"Tell me what shop and I will get on my white charger and come rescue you."

"Miniqua's Model Affair, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Dress Shop would have been sufficient but I guess they would then have to number them as well. I think this is shop number 3,030 we have been inside today. Help! "

I located Miniqua's and made my way to the dressing rooms, avoiding contact with the woman who ran the shop, presumably Miniqua.

Bella looked breathtaking. Alice and Rose were both standing back, quietly congratulating themselves. Bella was standing there tired but radiant, in the most becoming soft baby blue dress I have ever seen. It had a neckline at the front that accentuated her breasts even though they were fully covered. When she turned, the back dropped almost to her waist, showing off her beautiful back, and then it clinched in at the waist and the skirt was gathered and fell to mid calf. The whole dress was made in pretty blue lace and lined with something to prevent it being see through. It was simply the prettiest dress I had ever seen. It made her skin almost translucent. Her eyes were shining, and her whole face lit up when she saw me. Someone with more skill than my sister had done something to Bella's hair, it was all smooth and lay together more. She was a picture to behold.

"It's way too expensive, Alice. I could buy a car with that amount of money. It's too formal. Where would I wear it? "

"To our wedding " I answered.

"Really? I don't have to wear one of those big poufy sleeved monstrosities?"

"Hey, some of us like dressing up properly for a wedding " said Alice.

"Well, Bella looks perfect in this dress. I am buying it." I said, no arguing allowed.

"It's a one off, designer sample, you will never see anyone else in a dress the same " Alice assured me.

"It takes Bella to make the dress look that fantastic, anyone else wearing it would pale in her presence anyway."

"Edward, can I just say, I love you. I wish Jasper would say something like that about me. "

"He loves you , isn't that enough ? " I asked her, gruffly. Why do women always want more ? Is anything ever enough for them ?

"It is, now you come to mention it. I know the perfect shoes. Pale blue ballet flats in real silk. They have them here, I saw them before."

"Get a pair in her size, in case she changes her mind about the Docs." I laughed. Knowing Bella, she will walk down the aisle in Docs, but, whatever. If she likes the ballet shoes better, fine, they will be there waiting for her.

"I can see the bouquet. Lots of baby's breath, pink rosebuds, purple iris's, all pretty and sweet, nothing too fancy or pretentious for our Bella. Maybe violets would be better than iris's? What do you think?

"I think it sounds perfect, Alice. I can't wait for my real wedding. "

"Oh of course, you have done it all before. I forgot."

"We got married in a ridiculously expensive ceremony that cost more than my house and there were people there I have never seen before or since, and it was a circus, with no meaning whatsoever. Why I ever imagined I had to endure that, to get the booby prize of all time, I have no idea. This wedding will be real, be something I want to be part of. We will only invite a small group of people we know and love. It will be for us, not for anyone else, not for the media. No announcements, just invitation by phone only. You all know well enough not to tell anyone about it until after the event. Only people we trust will know anything at all. "

"When will it happen, Edward? Soon, I am guessing. "

"I told Charlie I would wait six months before publicly announcing our engagement then all bets are off, if Bella wants, we will marry the following day. I have no need for a long engagement. I love her and she is mine already, the wedding is just to formalize things properly. I want to do everything right by her, Alice. I want Charlie to give her away to me, knowing by then that I am good for her."

"You are, Edward. Never doubt yourself. She has never looked at any man like she looks at you. It's like she is seeing her God. "

"No, Alice, don't say that, I am far from any god. I am just a man, and a flawed man who made errors in his past and is trying hard to overcome them. "

Bella appeared at my side and hung onto my arm.

"Thank you for the dress now can we get out of here and find Tyler, please?"

"Are you and Rose done?" I asked Alice, who rolled her eyes and patted me on the head.

"You two are perfect for each other. We will be starting shopping in earnest now Bella is gone. Please take all our parcels we have gathered so far, and we will see you two at home. I presume Esme will be going back with you seeing she bought six things in an hour then disappeared with the baby. Honestly, you people need to learn the art of shopping. We have not even walked past a shoe shop yet, and that will provide us with three solid hours of fun. "

Bella snorted at the idea shoe shopping could possibly be fun.

That's my girl.

We piled the packages into the trunk and walked towards the main group of shops.

Esme and Tyler were sitting in a small coffee shop, Tyler eating melting ice cream while Esme indulged him. He was not the pristine child who had left our house this morning, he was rumpled and grubby and his hair was as messy as mine.

I ruffled it and sat down in the seat beside him.

"Yes, Edward, he has your hair. He will never be able to tame it, either. Poor baby. Doomed to being mistaken for a hobo, like his father. "

I would say, a hobo who wears Prada but I haven't donned a suit since I met Bella. I suppose my clothes have become beyond casual. I have picked up her habits lately. It's weird how relaxed she has made me . I feel her love like she feels mine. I slide a hand across the table top and cover her hand and she smiles and looks into my eyes.

"I love you" I mouth silently.

She nods and grins.

"I love you back" she says and leans her head on my shoulder.

Days like this.

I never knew there would be days like this, days of just loving her and being so happy and content doing nothing much, just buying a wedding dress and a coffee with my Bella. I hope there will be a lifetime more of them.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Dad, help, I got one! "

Bella ran towards her father, fishing pole at a crazy angle, the fish on the end of her line swinging barely above the sand as she panicked and ran to her father.

"Geez, Bells, it will be inedible if yoy drag it through the sand, stand still. Let me come to you. "

Charlie removed the fish and tossed it into his woven creel and replaced the bait on Bella's hook.

He tossed the line well out into the water and handed the pole back to her.

"Now, just be calm if you get another bite. The fish cannot bite you or harm you in any way. Fishing is supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable. "

"Sorry, it's just that they thrash about and scare me. "

Tyler staggered along in the firmer wet sand and grinned as he found a shell and picked it up. He toppled over and I laughed and almost believed he was Bella's baby. he is as clumsy as she is, and times like these I feel like we are a true family.

Tyler struggled to his feet and headed for Bella, holding the shell up towards her.

"Mama, mama"

"What do you have there, baby boy? A shell. How pretty. Can I keep it? Thank you, baby. "

Tyler handed his treasure over to her happily and wiped his hands on his pants. It scares me when he acts too uptight, i want him to be calmer and more relaxed than I am.

He sat down and started to cry because he couldn't get all the sand off.

Bella handed her pole to Charlie and picked Tyler up and carried him to the edge of the water then bent down and washed his hands.

"All clean now" she sang and she held him up high above her head and he beamed down at her.

She is his mother, make no mistake. He loves her completely.

Bella was the one who witnessed his first shaky steps. I was working in my home office and she rapped frantically on the window, making me panic for a minute, thinking something was wrong.

"Edward, look at Tyler!"

I looked past her and watched my son as he stood holding on to Bella's chair, with her book lying on the seat. He swayed and reached his hand out to where she had returned, a pace or two away out of his reach.

"Come to Mama" she encouraged him, and he looked at the chair where his hand held on tightly, then at her, his mind assessing and accepting he had to let go to get to her. He took a step, then a second, then grinned and became confident and toook three more steps quickly before he suddenly realized how far he was from the chair and sat down with a thump.

"Good boy! Edward, he walked! He is sooo clever. Tyler is the cleverest baby in the whole world. "

She carried him over to my window and I leaned out and kissed his head.

I gave up working and we spent the next hour with the video camera trying to catch him in the act but he would just grin and flop onto his well padded backside when it was on.

"I give up" i said, lying the camera down.

Naturally Tyler took the opportunity to take four steps and I missed them.

"Give me the camera and say that again" ordered Bella.

"i give up" I said, lying down on the grass.

Tyler immediately let go of the chair and toddled towards me, grinning cheekily. he crashed into my side and fell across my chest, then patted me enthusiastically.

"Dada, dad, dad dad."

"Yes, Tyler, you are very clever."

Bella was thrilled and she kept walking all around us, filming the two of us from every angle.

After a few minutes I sat up and held my hand out to her.

"Give it to me, i want to fim you with him."

She wrinkled her brow and picked the baby up.

"I have my crappy oldest jeans on and no make up."

"And your point is?"

"Edward, let me go change and fix up my face."

"Your face is beautiful, just leave it alone. All your face needs is a smile. Now play with the baby, I have it recording already you know. "

She put Tyler in the babyswing and pushed him high so he shriekked and rocked his legs back and forth.

"You want to go higher? You little daredevil. Hold on tight spidermonkey. "

I love all her off the cuff sayings and nicknames. Tyler chortled with glee and urged her to push him higher. Bella forgot about the camera and started to sing a song to him about flying and he smiled at her and let go of the chains to clap his hands together.

"Mama, mama."

I love that he loves her as much as I do.

Lizzie came out and took the camera and spent the afternoon taping the three of us on and off. We walked down to the stream with Tyler holding on to our hands as he stumbled along between us, and I felt the happiest I think I have ever felt. This is the way it was always meant to be, Bella, Tyler and me. Nobody else.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Sit down in the bath, mister or no rubber duckie for you."

Tyler sat down with a plop and the bubbles floated in the air around him. Lizzie laughed from behiind the camera, as Bella washed the baby's hair and gave him a mohawk of bubbles.

"That suits him, how about I shave the sides of his head and give him a proper mowhawk? We could die it blue or yellow." Lizzie suggested.

"Would that be your way of committing suicide because edward would kill you" Bella answered, grinning at the camera. "Hi Edward, we all know what a mean and vicious killer you are, you did kill Tanya after all, didn't you? We had better behave so we don't end up buried in the forest. Are you scared, Tyler?"

"No no no" chanted the boy, shoving his duck underwater and holding it down.

"Oh no, he seems to be abusing animals, will he grow up to be a serial killer like his father?" she joked.

"i think you have to kill more than five people to be a serial killer" Lizzie's voice said off camera.

"Five? You mean you can kill four and just be an average garden variety killer? Amazing. So Edward is a mere amateur? Turn that off, I have to get the boy out and we don't want any rude bits on film, because his father will show this tape to Tyler's girlfriends when he is eighteen."

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Happy Birthday dear Tyler" sang the crowd, consisting of Emmett and Rose, Jasper and Alice, Jake and Lizzie, Carlisle and Esme, and Bella and Edward stood beside their son as he tried to grab handfuls of frosting off the cake. It was shaped as Mickey Mouse and Tyler had already managed to grab one ear.

"Blow out the candle, good boy! he did it!"

Bella always acted like any new experience Tyler managed was the most amazing feat ever done by anyone.

Tyler pushed cake into her mouth and over half of her face.

"Bells, you might want to wipe some of that off your face" suggested Charlie, from where he stood, aiming the camera at his daughter. He was good with us now, happy I was proving to be all his daughter needed and nothing he had feared. It helped that he had always hoped for a son as well as his daughter and Tyler was filling the gap and called him "Char" and had him wrapped around his little finger.

I made a point of going everywhere with Bella, I took her to my charity events, I stood proudly beside her when photographers snapped off photos that appeared in the local papers, I couldn't wait to be able to announce she was my fiancee.

Tyler ripped the paper of his gifts and squealed with delight when the contents were revealed. Alice had tripled his wardrobe, Emmett hd bought him a remote controlled tank and was playing with it himself, Jasper had given him several educational toys which tyler tossed on the ground and played with the box instead.

"Hmm, smart boy. Thinking outside the box, literally. I can see he is going to be a genius. Did you see him wrinkle his nose up at that blue shirt Alice bought him? Even he can see it is the wrong color for him... he needs a lighter blue. I think you have a very intelligent child here, Edward."

Tyler picked up one of the many new books Bella had bought him and started chewing on the corner.

"Digesting words in a whole new way..definitely smarter than the average Cullen" mumbled Jas.

A month later Tyler was imitating the sounds one of his new books made when he pressed the buttons on the pages.

"Woof woof" "Bah bah" "mooooo". He loved his books and he toddled around with several clasped in his hands and dropped them onto the lap of anyone sitting in the same room.

"Read" he said to Esme as he approached her and pitched the book onto her lap.

"Say 'please' Tyler" reminded Bella.

"Peas read" he replied and she clapped her hands.

"Good boy."

Esme pulled him onto her lap and read to him.

Between Jasper's therapy and Bella's endless patience, letting my mother talk on and on about her past, Esme has made great progress at last, delighting Carlisle and giving us all hope. Bella has changed all our lives for the better.

I am building a second house on the property. Bella and I need our own space but I don't want to take Bella and Tyler away from my mother. There is plenty of room on the few acres we own, I would like to build in the meadow, down near the creek. We would have amazing views out the back of the forest, we could almost reach out and touch it. Bella and I have designed our house and it is in the architects being drawn up professionally so we go in once or twice a week to clarify things we must have oncorporated in each room. It's almost done, now we need to choose the exact building site.

I walk Bella down towards the creek and we place rocks where we want the building to end, and finally it is ready to become a reality. The builders start the next week and Tyler watches fascinated over the next month as the skeleton frame is erected.

Things are all going to plan and a major charity event seems to be the perfect venue to announce our engagement to the world so with Charlie's blessing, Bella finally wears the ring we designed together, and we smile and hold onto each other as the camera's flash, and we announce our wedding plans and how Tyler will now have a real Mother.

"Can we get a close up of the ring, Miss Swan?"

"Whose idea was it to intertwine your initials together like that?"

"Is it a Tiffany's ring, Mr Cullen? It is very beautiful."

"It is, just like my beautiful wife to be. I would like to announce my engagement gift to my beautiful Bella. I have started a new charity in her name..it is called Bella's Babes and it will provide vaccinations for babies in all countries including Third World countries and I invite you to all give what you can to get things going. Bella will be the patron of this charity and I know she will be working hard to make her dream a reality, so please dig deep and help that happen.. Thank you all for your good wishes. Good night. We have a son to get home to, to put to bed. Thank you all again, don't forget to pledge what you can to the Cullen's Children Trust. Thank you all."

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

Bella collapsed beside me into bed and I drew her close.

"Happy?"

"Mmm, it was a perfect night. thank you for my present."

"My pleasure. Only you would want a charity for an engagement present."

"What did you buy Tanya for hers?"

"A Porsche. And an apartment in Paris. Of course it was not in the right building and it was too small with a mere six bedrooms and she hated it so I sold it to show her not to fuck with me. You are much easier to please. let's never mention her name again."

"Okay. You were very generous though. I love that. "

"Bella, you asked for a charity to vaccinate children you will never meet, you are the generous one. You could have asked me for a palace or a ski resort in Switzerland, and you asked me for a charity. I love you so much."

"I did get a ring out of it. I am not completely selfless. "

"A diamond free engagement ring. Who knew such a thing existed? "

I kissed her hand and ran my fingers down her body.

She sighed and lay beside me, rubbing her hands over me.

"I love you, Edward. Let's get married."

"Now? Because I am totally up with finding a judge and dragging him or her out of bed."

"How about as soon as Alice can put it together? Something small, and private and no press release until afterwards. On the beach? I would have chosen the meadow but with the building going on, not a good place for a wedding at the moment."

"The beach it is. No shoes for the men."

"My God, are you trying to kill Alice? She will twitch all through the ceremony.'

"hey, she had her wedding her way, salmon dresses and all. This is our wedding. We get to choose."

"Okay, whatever. No shoes for the men. I guess i will bow to pressure and wear the blue ballet flats but I am changing into my Docs to fly away to our honeymoon in. I will just hide my feet from Alice."

"I don't think we have practiced the honeymoon enough, now stop talking and use that mouth for something else. I love you, baby."

Bella hitched her leg up and I grabbed it eagerly and sought her mouth. I love my Bella.


	11. Chapter 11

**Warning, this chapter contains consensual sexual abuse, I guess you would call it. Definitely not to be confused with a lemon. Edward is nagging me with a new story, I am writing it but not putting it up until he finishes this story and one other. I will control him.**

The Rage

Chapter 11

Retribution

The knocking on the front door caught my attention as I was walking upstairs, having waved goodbye to Tyler and Bella as she took him off to visit Charlie. Even though things had improved between her father and I, it was still best that she spent some time with him, without me.

I opened the door impatiently and drew in a gasp of shock.

Red hair. Fake rack. Pale skin.

"Edward Cullen, as I live and breathe! Just as handsome as ever."

"Victoria?" I choked out, in shock, in fear, in horror really.

There was no chance this was good.

"The same. I was so surprised to read in the newspaper society pages that you are getting married and you have our son."

"What do you mean ? You must have left him on Cobain's Crossing for me to find. Do you have any idea what happened to that baby? He was strapped in a carseat in a car that got swept down the river. He would have been drowned, Victoria. You just left him there alone. He would be dead if not for Bella's actions."

"Remind me to thank her sometime. I know what happened, of course I do. I was the one who got swept out of the car in the river. I didn't have any choice about leaving him there alone. As if I would do that. I love him, I raised him alone for seven months. You don't know me at all."

"I know you left him to die and I know you were going to sell him to me."

"I WAS SWEPT AWAY BY THE RIVER. Do you understand? I was in that car, it got swept off the causeway and I got swept out by the current. I could not get back to him, it's a miracle I got out of the river. I got snagged on a tree branch and managed to climb out but it was several miles downstream. I went back for him but then I saw this massive red truck pushing the rental car in front of it, almost fully submerged and I knew he was dead."

"Why didn't you come back to the causeway and wait for me? Meet me as arranged?"

"Are you insane? Me, meet a psychopath like you, and tell him his son just got drowned in the river? Sure, good plan. I am sure you would have taken me home and looked after me and made me soup. I knew you would kill me if I told you Tyler was dead."

"So, what did you do?"

"I walked along the road away from the causeway, towards Forks, and a truck driver eventually came by and gave me a lift and I went home. What else could I do? I went home and lived without my son for the last seven months, thinking he was dead. Thinking his body had never been found and that was why it never made it onto the news. No way was I seeking you out."

"So, now you know he isn't dead and he is safe and loved. Come into my office and I will give you the money."

"Forget it, Edward. I don't want your money. I want my son. And you."

"Don't be ridiculous. You are not taking Tyler away from me and I have zero interest in you."

"That's a shame because I have already told my sad story to a lawyer and he thinks he can generate a lot of publicity and have the public on my side in no time flat. A baby conceived during rape. The father finally agrees to meet his unwanted child. Poor depressed mother, thinks she sees her baby killed in front of her eyes, goes into shock and never tells anyone about the death because she is so traumatised, then the father never makes any attempt to find her and end her unnecessary agony as she grieves for her son. Oh no, he shacks up with some skank and doesn't even try to contact me and let me know Tyler is alive."

"Who would be the fool to take you on?"

"Caius Voltari."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

That man could get Adolph Hitler custody of his children.

"So, we need a new deal." I stated. The one thing I did know was Victoria had her price.

"How much do you want to keep Tyler?" she asked me.

"You can name your price, Victoria and it is yours."

"Okay. I want you to marry me and stay married for one year and if it doesn't work out, at the end you get full custody of the kid and I get a handsome settlement."

"How about we cut to the chase and I just give you the settlement. Five million dollars."

"No, my way or the highway.. One year of your life and you get what you want and I get the five million dollars. But in that year, you try and make the marriage work, and you cut all ties to Isabella Swan."

"Can I laugh now because this is clearly a set up. Am I being Punked? Is Ashton Kutcher reviving his show? There is no way I will ever agree to your terms. I will fight you in court, to the bitter end."

"Fine, then you may want this."

She handed me an official document and I started at it then at her.

"What is it?"

"It's a court order giving me sole custody of Tyler until the case is dealt with and permanent custody is sorted in court. It will tie us up for years, fine. I don't care because Tyler will be living with me. I won't even go to court, Caius can fight my side and just have me in every now and then to cry for the judge. I went to the emergency room that morning after you left. I had my poor torn panties in my purse. I showed them to the doctor, explained how hard I fought back but you were too strong. They took photos. I had signs of multiple trauma and abuse. I had bruises from where you restrained me. I have the photos and doctor's report. He said you acted like an animal in heat, Edward. I think I remember now, you raped me. I fought you but you handcuffed me and raped me over and over. I screamed but the music was too loud and the band Emmett hired never took a break so nobody heard me cry out in agony. It's all coming back to me."

"You are a completely heartless, lying bitch, aren't you?'

"You can talk. What do you remember? Do you remember what you said to me?"

I shook my head.

"I wasn't aware we had any deep and meaningful conversations."

"That's my point. You fucked me for nine hours and you never said one single word to me. You ignored everything I said to you and in the end you just put your hand over my mouth. Do you remember that? You were a robot, a fucking machine, not a human. I came out of that night feeling like I had been abused by a football team. Did you even say Thank You? Did you call and see if I was okay the next day? Did you kiss me? Hold my fucking hand? Or did you chain me to the bed and fall asleep then stand up and dress and leave, without a single word, Edward. Who does that?"

"I'm sorry."

I was ashamed and I believed I had acted as she accused me of. Not the rape, or physical abuse. But I had been less than human, a monster, that night. I was annoyed with Tanya and the divorce was not going as fast as I wanted. I had not had sex in a few weeks, and was horny as hell. I had drunk a lot of Stoli. I had noticed Victoria and she smiled across the room at me so I walked over and grabbed her. I told her I was going to fuck her hard for hours and she had better leave now if that wasn't what she wanted. Those were the only words I said to her. She had smiled and walked ahead of me, leading the way. I remember her begging me not to rip her dress. She took it off herself and I ripped her underwear away. She handed me a box of condoms and I put the first of many on and she lay on the bed with her legs apart, smirking and waiting. I was inside her in seconds.

I had not seen her as a person at all. I felt sickened and frightened of the old me that I had been. So very basic and animalistic, non human. I could no more revert to that now than fly. I had learned respect and been humanized by Bella. I stared at the woman in front of me, disgusted with myself.

I had used her body over and over, for hours. I had fucked my anger and rage and frustration out into her. I had not cared about what I did, where I entered her. She had laughed and taunted me, called me gay, said I was smaller than she expected, less well equipped than Emmett. She had expressed doubt I could even get it up. She had goaded me and dared me to fuck her hard, like a real man. I had left her handcuffed to the bed before I fell asleep each time, at her own request. She had spoken to me the whole time, I remember her requesting certain positions or for me to fuck her harder, or softer when I was losing it in my rage, I had listened and complied but never spoke to her. I know she was as willing as I had been for the sex to continue. She had told me she liked it rough, the rougher the better. She had not ever asked me to stop, or complained I was hurting her, or screamed or indicated in any way she didn't want to participate.

She had asked me to get Emmett to join in, said she enjoyed a good threesome. I had ignored her, covered her filthy mouth with my hand but now I wish I had called him in, at least it would have been two against one. At least he could have assured our family she was lying. She did ask me to see her again, she suggested some upcoming party but I didn't go, I had no interest in being with her ever again.

When I was finally done with her, I had unlocked the cuffs and walked out. I had seen the bruises forming on her wrists but it was her, struggling against the cuffs in an effort to maintain friction as I fucked her. But she was right. This would not be in my favor in court. The photos could tell a very different tale.

"I didn't know how to contact you anyway."

"Oh no, it would have been impossible to ask any of the other guests how to contact me. Half of them knew me, your own brother knew the man I went to the party with, he could have asked Peter at any stage where I lived, who I was, what my phone number was. "

"I had nothing to say to you."

"You did when you found Tyler. I gave you contact details. I asked you to open a Facebook page, in that fake name that was an anagram of your name. I wanted to protect your privacy. Edward Cullen appearing on Facebook would have attracted too much attention. Did you do even that, Edward? No, you didn't. I did a search every day. You never even tried to tell me my boy was alive and safe with you."

"Why did you look, then, if you didn't know he was with me?"

"I thought you would want to know what happened to him. I assumed you had lost interest when we didn't meet as planned. I hated you and wished you to the depths of hell when you showed no interest in finding out where he was. Of course, now I understand. You were busy sexing the brave little angel who rescued Tyler, and busy making yourself a family. You refused to answer my letters when I was pregnant, you refused after he was born. Even when Emmett told you I had given birth, you took your time, demanded tests, it took you seven months to agree to see him. What kind of father were you? Now you have transformed and turned into a family man? Well, I want to be part of that family. If you want Tyler in your life, you will agree with my terms, Edward."

I shook with rage.

"You will not tell the girl any of this, you will dump her and get engaged to me. You will remove her from your life. And our marriage will be a real marriage in EVERY way, Edward. You will recreate that night, but this time, you will speak and you will kiss me and you will act like you mean it. Like you love me. Understand?"

"Stay here. I will return. Do not leave this room."

She nodded and stayed sitting at my desk and I went and found Carlisle and told him everything, and we rang Aro.

The news was not good. Victoria would win, one way or the other. Caius would have every mother in America on her side. He would twist everything, I would have taken her by force at the party, chained her to the bed, held my hand over her mouth, raped her for hours and her PTS would have prevented her seeking proper help afterwards. She had gone to the ER but had not filed charges. Too traumatized. But the doctor was obliged to file a report and he would have backed up her lies, believing she was a scared, abused victim. Then the trauma of the unfortunate pregnancy, where she bravely overcame her fear to try and inform me I was going to be a father. And I had ignored her and delayed facing the truth. She has sent many registered letters. There was ample proof she tried to 'do the right thing', though that was laughable, and tell me about the baby.

I didn't even have her letter any more. I had destroyed it when she showed no sign of getting in touch again to demand her payment. I had assumed she had found a more profitable mark, and had written Tyler off as a bad investment. I had wanted every memory of her erased. I had watched her letter burn, and thought myself free of her.

Now I had nothing to stop her taking him. He did not even know her now. He had called Bella 'mama' all this time. He loved her and saw her as his mother.

I had to choose what to do. Fight and lose him to Victoria for the next few years and probably forever, or give up Bella for a year because no matter what, things would not be working out if I married Victoria. I could be polite and patient, Bella had taught me patience, but I would never give any of my heart to this vicious woman.

I sat at the desk and dropped my head into my hands.

"We will try and negotiate a better deal" promised Aro on the speaker phone.

Carlisle brought her in and she stated her wants and terms.

"What can't you live with here, Edward?"

"I cannot ever sleep with her. Not happening. No way could I be able to have sex with her under any threat."

"Victoria, if he asks for that condition to be dropped, what would you accept instead?"

"I want a large public wedding. Like he and Tanya had."

"Edward?"

"I don't care about weddings, I want my son and I want him safe. I don't want her to have custody of him."

"She has that legally already. Sadly, you need to play ball or lose him. Bottom line. Even if you win the case eventually, she will have had him for years. he won't remember you, and she can tell him anything she wants. He will grow up hearing what she says in court."

"So, I have to go along with this nightmare or lose Tyler?"

"That's what it comes down to."

"I am not telling Bella I don't love her or want her anymore. She will wait for me, she will be there the day this charade is up in a year."

"That part is non negotiable, Edward. You leave her and make a public announcement that you have broken your engagement and chosen to marry me, or no deal. And the one year starts from the day we are married so delay it, put it off, whatever, but it is not over until we have been legally married for one year."

"I am not going to try and make the sham marriage work."

"Fine, but I need a year to change your mind and show you how I can be. I am confident by our first wedding anniversary, you will want to stay with me, and have me mother our son. If I am wrong, I go without a fight, but only if Isabella Swan never knows."

"Edward, Bella loves you. I think maybe she would wait, even if it looks like you are choosing Victoria over her. She will know it's not as it seems. She trusts you." Carlisle assured me.

"None of you can tell her. I can still go to the media after the year is up if she knows. She is not allowed to visit unless I say she can. She is welcome at the wedding, in fact I hope her father comes too, and her friends. Now, Edward, you will be so tightly bound, you cannot let any of your family or friends even suspect this is not real, do you understand?"

"I understand but I can't imagine why anyone would believe I would leave Bella for you. They are not fools."

"Then you have your job cut out for you, don't you my dear. I am going to enjoy this."

I walked out the door and sat in the den and waited for my blood pressure to ease but my whole body was agitated, stirred up, I wanted to hit and tear and destroy.

Carlisle followed me out and sat across from me.

"Bella didn't leave when she thought I killed Tanya. I think she would understand if I killed Victoria. If she knew what that bitch is trying to do."

"Tyler would have no parent if you went down for Victoria's murder."

"He would, he would have Bella and she is the best parent he has had, ever. He loves her, Carlisle. She won't walk away from him, no matter what I tell her."

"How about we ask if Bella can have some contact with him even if it has to be in her presence?"

To my surprise, Victoria agreed to Bella having supervised, by her, visits then I realized she just wanted to hurt Bella more.

I was demented with grief and fear and the knowledge I was about to severely hurt my Bella, after all my promises.

X~X~X~X~X~X~X

Charlie agreed to mind a sleeping Tyler while I kept my appointment at the hospital. I almost asked Carlisle to test me but that way, he would know if I was pregnant before Edward knew, so I had decided to keep it out of the family.

Of course, this meant Jake was the one doing my pregnancy test.

"Bells, really, a kid. But you already have Tyler, so I guess it's not that weird, really. We have to do two tests, an one is a you-know-what test so you have to not look, at all. Okay?"

I knew it would be a red stuff test after the urine test so I was prepared. I peed in the cup and handed it over then went back into the examination room and allowed Jake to fit a blindfold on me. The nurse doing the test knew me well and she suggested I put in my iPod so I wouldn't hear either, but it was nerve wracking enough not being able to see anything at all, without another sense being taken away during the test.

I have never seen myself have a red test so I didn't even have any pictures to put into my mind.

I sat and waited and felt the needle go in and Jake rubbed my back and sang in my ear, one of his collection of silly nonsensical songs where the lyrics would take over my brain and I would ease up and laugh. He sang both the man and woman's part of Let's Duet from Dewey Cox and had me shaking with laughter at his imitation female country singer voice.

It was over before I knew it and Jake removed the mask once he had cleaned and bandaged my arm.

"Okay, you can look now. I put a waterproof Bandaid on so no seeping. Now, let's see what the urine test says. Congratulations, Miss Swan. You are with child. Let's go do a scan and see that everything is as it should be, and you can have first peek at the newest little Cullen."

I was so excited and Jake was amazing, not letting the past have any dampening effect on one of the most important moments of my life.

The tiny black blob was apparently in the right place and I saw it's heart beating and heard it when Jake put the doppler on and made the heartbeat echo around the room.

He held my hand and we grinned together. I just wished Edward had come with me, but I was not at all sure I was really pregnant. The signs were so subtle, it could have been an upset stomach, a bug, a bad shrimp.

But no, it was Tyler's sibling and I couldn't wait to tell my Edward the news.

"Okay, it's measuring at 13 weeks, that sound about right?" said Jacob.

"Thirteen? Are you sure it's not twelve, or fourteen?"

"No, why? Don't tell me there was a whole week where you and Edward didn't have sex?"

"No, hardly. It's just thirteen...unlucky and all that. I wish it wasn't thirteen, I wish I had come in last week or next week now."

"Look at it this way, one third of the pregnancy is already over and you didn't even know. That's good, right ? "

"Not really. Edward and I have wanted this to happen, I think we would have preferred to know the second conception occurred. "

"Tricky, I would have had to stand beside your bed and have an ovulation detection kit on hand...I don't think either of us wanted that scenario. "

"I guess not. Thanks, Jake. And I know you won't let on to Charlie. I will tell him in my own time."

"What's going to happen now ? Will the wedding be brought forward ? "

"I imagine so, the legal part anyway. Edward has only one request and that is that we tie the knot the moment pregnancy is confirmed so I imagine he and I will be before the judge sometime today or tomorrow. We will still have the beach ceremony next month, I think. We both want our friends there and not in some registry office."

"I really am happy for you, Bells. I have a little confession of my own. I am not sure how you or Edward will react so I am a little nervous. "

"What? Tell me."

"I have been dating a girl and things are looking...hopeful. It's not a casual thing like it was with Leah, I guess I was just using her to get past the whole non plan thing, but then Embry and Lizzie broke up, and I was there and I let her talk and get through it..I mean, they weren't serious, weren't sleeping together or anything, and she always seemed to spend more time with me when she came to the Res anyway. And she is in for a check up almost every week, she cut her hand yesterday, but she was very annoyed it had closed up and stopped bleeding by the time she got here. I swear, if she had access to a knife she would have freshened it up just to show it was serious enough to come in. Anyway, Lizzie and I are dating. "

"That's cool, Jake. I don't see any reason Edward would object, he likes you. He just feels guilty for stealing me away from you. He certainly only ever speaks highly of you and never tries to blacken your name in any way. "

"I don't feel any ill feeling against him, honestly. He couldn't have stolen you if you hadn't wanted to be stolen. He didn't put you under a hypnotic trance or anything, you went to him of your own free will. Some things are simply meant to be and some aren't. "

Now I have two exciting pieces of news for Edward and I can slip the Jake/Lizzie bit in while he is still high on the baby news. I honestly think he will be happy for Jacob. I know he likes him a lot and respects him, especially for the mature way Jake has handled our split up.

Charlie was playing in his backyard with Tyler, tossing a soft baby football to him, which Tyler made no attempt to catch but would stagger and pick it up when it rolled along the ground.

"Come on boy, over here. Yes, you will be a future football star, I can see it already.. the way he handles that ball, Bella. I can recognize talent when I see it. "

"Thanks for minding him, dad. I have to get home, Edward will be pacing the floor by now. Oh, did you know Jake is dating Lizzie ? How exciting is that ? I am so happy, I love them both so much. I hope things turn out for them, how cool if she was my sister and he would be like a brother-in-law once removed or something? "

Charlie laughed but it was a good laugh. Maybe we would all end up one happy family after all.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Don't you dare touch her things."

"Well you pack them then. God, has this girl no taste at all? What the hell are these ridiculous boots? How old is she again? Is she a closet dyke? "

I growled and Carlisle held onto my arm. I turned and pleaded with my eyes, just let me kill her. Nobody will miss her, we could do what I said I did to Tanya, take her into the forest and burn the evidence. The rage was building up, I really want her dead, even more than I wanted Tanya dead when she was screwing every busboy in town while we were married, and the gossip magazines had photographed every encounter and made sure everyone knew I was not enough of a man to hold onto and satisfy my own wife. Not that I even tried, we had occasional sessions of marathon fucking but mainly I worked and she fucked around.

"She is not worth it, Edward." he warned.

Victoria evidently decided it was safer to leave the chore of packing everything Bella owned to me and she sat on the bed and inspected her nails.

"I need a better manicurist. By the way, I have two staff for you to add to your payroll. James is my...personal assistant and Laurent is my driver. They will live in, maybe in the old staff quarters, you don't even use those rooms now, right? We can get them moved in by tonight. Pay them a decent salary, Edward. Just remember, James will be the one keeping me from sneaking into your bedroom at night. "

Good news indeed. I mentally trebled the salary that I had been figuring out in my head. Anyone willing to keep Victoria and her excesses away from me was my best staff member. Maybe I should let him use the gym. I will get a spare key cut, he is one man who needs to be at his physical peak.

And I will hire someone to do the cooking, with three extra members of the household.

One year of complete and utter Hell then the freedom of Heaven.

I will marry this bitch as soon as I can, and get it over with. I can't think of the wedding I had been looking forward so much to. Why hadn't we gotten married earlier? I was insane, I should have married her the day she first wore my shoes, and repented at leisure, as the saying goes.

Shit shit shit. This fuckery needs to be gotten over with so I can have my life back.

How would Bella and I survive apart? A whole year. And she wouldn't get to see Tyler either.

Would she wait for me? For us?

I had no choice, that was what Aro and Carlisle had decided. I had to accept Victoria's terms and marry her.

I had to break Bella's heart and take her son away from her.

I could see Bella in my mind, crying and broken. I can't do this to her.

"Victoria, the whole staff thing.. That wasn't part of the deal. I will hire them and pay them double what they should be getting if I get to take Tyler out three times a week, to a public place, a playground or similar, and let him see Bella. You can have your driver take us and watch us, there will be nothing going on between us, but I refuse to remove Bella completely from Tyler's life. He loves her, and it would be cruel and inhuman and I won't be a party to it."

"You can hardly make the rules, Edward. I hold all the cards. "

"And I am allowing you plenty of rules and conditions so now you know mine. You will let my son spend three mornings or afternoons a week in public with Bella. Take it or I make conditions here so bad your fuckbuddy and driver will leave. Imagine that, Victoria. No sexathons for a year because my bedroom door will have a deadbolt and chains if necessary, you will never enter my bed. "

"Oh I suppose it is good to let her have brief glimpses of what she has lost. Fine."

"You have already taken her away from me, at least let Tyler be weaned away gradually. "

"I was breastfeeding him, you know. I never intended selling him to you, really. I was just trying to find a way back into your life. "

"Sure you were. I am sure you had only my best interests at heart. "

The sound of the Volvo pulling up made my belly feel ill, as I placed the 2 suitcases at the inside of the front door.

Bella was losing me and her son and her home today. At least she had my shoes, though I won't be surprised to see them all listed on ebay at bargain prices or tossed in the sea. Who would blame her?

I have my break up speech all worked out. Victoria is insisting she be there to witness it and make sure I don't hint any of the truth to Bella.

"Edward, guess what? Jake and...Victoria?"

Bella froze in her tracks, and held Tyler visibly tighter, turning so her body was between him and his biological incubator.

"Edward?"

"Bella, I am sorry but Victoria has come to live with Tyler and I, we are going to try and be a real family for him."

She bit her lip and looked towards the door, measuring the distance, looking to see if running with my son was a possibility.

"Really, Edward. So, our engagement's off then?"

Her voice was calm amd measured, she was not reacting as I feared.

"I am sorry, but I love Victoria, as much as I loved Tanya and you know how that was, I loved her so much I had no choice but to marry her. This is similar, my feelings for Victoria have surfaced and I love her every bit as much as I loved Tanya. So I have to marry her, no choice. It will be what is best for Tyler. "

Bella narrowed her eyes and stared at me then at Victoria. She still gripped the baby in a death grip, and she had stepped away again.

"You love her like you loved Tanya? Well, then I guess there's nothing else you can do but marry her?" she asked, her eyes searching mine for the truth.

"That's right, no choice at all. I have to be true to my heart. "

I hope she is understanding, she seems to be playing along as if she does.

"So, Isabella, sorry about this, you know how fickle men can be, especially Edward. Thank you for saving my boy, now if you can just hand him over to be, I will let you be on your way. You live with your father, I believe?"

Bella looked panicked and I stepped in and took Tyler as I could see there was no way she would hand him to Victoria. She held him fast and I touched her back with one hand, placing it in the middle where I always did when she needed reassurance to calm her down.

"It's okay. We will be meeting in the playground near the beach three mornings each week so you can still see Tyler. Victoria's driver will bring the two of us, and we will have that time together. I will phone you to set up the first playdate. "

Bella looked pleadingly at me and I handed Tyler to Carlisle and Victoria immediately turned her attention to my son.

"I will keep my promises, it may take longer, a year or so, but the sooner Victoria and I get married, the better, the sooner my real life can begin. I long for her to be my wife just like I did Tanya. You know how there are some women so irresistible you just have to do whatever it takes to be with them in the end."

She nodded and held out her hands to me, so I took them in mine and kissed the ring on her finger.

"Do you want this back?" she asked.

"No, you keep it, it's just a friendship ring, after all. No diamonds, I am sorry I never got around to buying you that diamond engagement ring you wanted, but you can keep the friendship ring. It still means the same as it did. We will always be friends."

I stared deeply into her eyes until Victoria stepped between us.

"Well, Edward, let your little friend go home now. Your crush is over, now we can be married and be here for Tyler. Thank you for being his Nanny, Isabella. I am sure he will always be grateful but he has his real mother back now. Goodbye, take care. "

"Goodbye. I guess, you call me, Edward. I will see you later, Tyler."

She kissed his cheek and held onto his shoe, reluctant to leave him with the witch.

"It's okay Bella, I am here for him." I assured her.

Carlisle carried her bags to the car, and I took Tyler to wave goodbye.

"I meant every word I said. Our friendship ring means all it ever did, and I do love Victoria every bit as much as I loved Tanya. "

She dropped her eyes from my gaze and bit that poor lip again, and started the Volvo.

"Is that her car? You used to have a silver Volvo." Victoria demanded.

"No, this is a different car, this car has always been Bella's. I gave my car away to a woman I once knew, she stole my heart so I gave her my car so she would always have something of mine."

"Really, Edward, you change your women like you change your shirts. I am glad we are getting married and taking you away from temptation. Expect an invitation to the wedding in the post, dear. You can bring whoever you like, just let us know the numbers. Bye now."

Bella pulled slowly away and I took Tyler out the backyard and placed him in his swing.

"Mama?" he asked me.

"We will see Mama again. This is just a delay not an end. Au revoir, not goodbye."


	12. Chapter 12

The Rage

Chapter 12

Playdates

"Can you do something,Edward, to shut him up? Does he always bellow like this? How do you stand it?"

"Well, you have taken his mother away from him, and don't even start on the 'I am his mother ' speech because to him, Bella is his mother. She had him in a routine and he is missing her and missing it. She always fed him his dinner, bathed him, dressed him for bed, and read and sang to him. I cannot be everything she was, he doesn't remember you, what would you like me to do ? He wants his Mama. He is suffering and that is down to you. If you loved him half as much as you claim, you would not have separated him from Bella so quickly, we could have worked something out, she is hired as his Nanny. She could work here without me rushing her off to have sex with her, you know."

"Hmm, well going on your past, I don't see how that could happen. It's always sex first, your priority. I must admit, it is refreshing to see you actually spending time with Tyler, I guess I imagined him to not know you at all. I kinda figured you would have some Nanny doing everything but he seems to like you most of the time, I just wish bedtime was one of those times." I paced the floor and patted Tyler's back, he will have to go to sleep soon, his eyes are ringed with purple from exhaustion.

I carried him to my room and played the video's of him and Bella.

"Mama" he sobbed quietly, reaching for the image.

"I know, Tyler, I know. We love her and we can't be with her. I guess it is best to learn early that life sucks and every time you find something good, someone bad tries to take it away. "

Finally it got to the part where Bella was swinging him on the swing and singing and he screwed up his eyes and desperately tried to escape reality and be back with his beloved Mama.

When his breathing settled and changed to show he was deeply asleep, I put him into my bed and went to confront Victoria.

"This is such bullshit. You know who is suffering most? Tyler. Bella and I are adults, there is no overwhelmingly desperate need for us to be together, we love each other and we can wait out this miserable year but Tyler is suffering. How can you fucking well sit there and allow your son to be so miserable when you can give him what he needs, you miserable bitch? Take the fucking money, hell, I will close down a charity and let people go without food if that is what it takes to pay you off and get your sorry ass out of my life.

I am sure you would let others die so you can go fuck up some other poor bastards life. I swear Victoria, I fucking want to kill you and you had better work something out because if this goes on and Tyler gets sick, I will fucking kill you and accept the consequences."

I stomped out of the room before I carried out my threat .

Lying in bed, I held Tyler close to my body and felt his body heave with an echo of a sob now and then.

I want to kill her.

I want to take her in the forest and rip her bloody head off and rip her apart and light the bitch on fire and dance on her grave and at times like this, I feel like I might just do it.

I can't leave Tyler, so I know I have to reign in my temper but at least I get to dream about killing the bitch and I wake up laughing darkly, almost scaring myself.

I check my hands for signs of blood or charcoal because that last dream was so frighteningly real, I could hear her last screams as I throttled her and slashed her torso with a machete before throwing her on the bonfire. The Quileute's were sitting around telling ancient tales and I was laughing and completely insane..

Maybe a premonition.

Tyler wakes but is subdued and I try and distract him before the tears start again today.

"Hey Tyler, want your breakfast? Dada is going to take you down to the kitchen to have pancakes! And ice cream. Does that sound good? "

Who cares what he eats, so long as he eats. He is barely eating enough to stay alive and he has lost the roundness off his face already, in just a few days.

I never realized how delicate babies are, and how quickly they could go from healthy and happy to distressed and pale and thin.

I changed his clothes and he reached his arms out towards my television as we walked through my bedroom.

"Mama" he said, defeated, not really expecting her to be there.

"Carlisle" I called, trying not to scare Tyler. I know my father has a gun and this is ending today.

"Edward, calm down. Give your mother the baby now."

I handed him over but I stood up to my father.

"I want your gun. Give it to me or I will go buy my own. I am putting a stop to this now. Look at Tyler, you are a fucking doctor, she is killing him."

"Edward, this is not going to happen. Call Bella and meet her somewhere for breakfast. I will tell Victoria you have taken Tyler to the hospital for a check up. She never leaves her bedroom until lunchtime, she may not even know you are gone. "

Naturally Victoria chooses that moment to stick her head out of her bedroom door.

"Edward, be a honey and make James and I a coffee?"

"I would love to" I say with a smile and walk into my father's room and help myself to the sleeping tablets he used to give Esme when she couldn't sleep and had her old problem.

I made the coffee's and Carlisle snatched the bottle from me and adding only two pills to each cup.

"We can sedate them, but we are not killing them."

I smiled at him. He has to go to work sometime, he won't always be here hovering and stopping me from doing the right thing.

"Victoria, open up, here's your coffee." I sang and smiled as I handed her and her friend their drinks.

"See, we can all be civilized and get along" she smirked and I smiled widely at her.

"Any time you want a refill, just call. I am more than happy to make you coffee any time. I wonder if Laurent would like one as well?"

I am such a good host.

I made Laurent a coffee and knocked on his door and he took the cup sleepily. I took his car keys so he wouldn't attempt to drive before the pills hit his system, and whistled as I walked to the kitchen and grabbed my phone to call Bella. Her phone went to voice mail.

Damn, where the hell is she?

Esme handed me a bag of food for Tyler and I strapped him into the baby seat in my car.

"I am coming with you" said my father, clearly scared I was going to do something that would send my soul straight to Hell.

Ha, like Hell is a threat. Victoria is Hell personified. While she lives, I am in Hell.

"I am coming as well then" said Esme, scrambling to catch up.

I drove us quickly to Charlie's and he looked pissed but he opened the door and welcomed us in.

"I know something is going down, Edward. I know this is not your doing and I am here if I can help, if you need her arrested for breaking any laws, we are pretty strict here, all sorts of laws people have forgotten about can be broken and lead to a lot of mix ups with the paperwork. Just let me know if that woman commits any crime or even thinks about it."

"She's breathing, is that a big enough crime for you because it is for me."

"Tyler looks terrible. What the hell is she thinking?"

"I need Bella now. Where is she , Charlie?"

"She slept over at Jake's last night. He had the night off and they were hanging out and he called to say she had fallen asleep. She is really tired these days. Only to be expected, I guess."

I watched his face carefully. Did he simply mean the stress of the last week, or something more?

He held my gaze and reached a hand out to Tyler.

"Yeah, babies make women really tired at all stages of their lives. Even before they are born."

I sat stock still.

"Charlie.."

"I am not saying a thing. You didn't hear it from me."

"Charlie, I would like your blessing to marry your daughter."

"You have it, son" he said, a huge smile lighting up his face.

"Follow us" I suggested and he and Carlisle got in the cruiser.

We got in the car and headed for the Res.

X~x~X~x~X~x

"What are you going to do? You know I could volunteer to be the baby Daddy if you don't want Edward to know about fathering the baby."

"Thanks, Jake, but I don't need any more fuckery in my life. Edward put this baby in me and I believe he will be happy to know about it. I just hope I am getting the right message because he went on so much about how he loves Victoria like he loved Tanya, and he hated Tanya. Thus, he hates Victoria. Therefore he doesn't want to marry her but she has something on him, and is forcing him. But what? "

"She isn't pregnant again, to him? "

"Jake, would you like me to kick you to death because I am in the mood to do that. "

"This is the first time he has seen her since the flood?"

"I think it's the first time he has seen her since the conception. No matter what he says, there is no way he loves her, he admitted he didn't even remember what she looked like. He describes her as red hair and fake tits and mouthy, does that sound like love to you? It sounds like contempt to me. "

"So, what's the plan?"

"That Laurent man rang yesterday and asked me to meet Edward at the kid's playground at the beach, that is where I will be at ten this morning."

"I wouldn't like to be in his shoes right now. Snarky, pissed off Bella, no thank you."

"I am not snarky and I am pissed off at her, not him."

"Have you eaten today?"

"Yes, I have eaten, cereal and toast and juice thanks to Billy, but if you have food, give it to me. I eat like a horse lately."

"What would you like? I can make sandwiches. Ham? Cheese? Salad? Egg?"

"Yes, please."

"Yes, you would like..."

"All of the above."

I sat and devoured my sandwich and half of Jake's. Maybe stress is making me have this huge appetite. Who knows? I eye off Jake's last half sandwich. He looks a little overweight, maybe I should eat it for him.

I am just reaching for it, when his door flies open and Edward stands before me.

"Bella, please get in the car. There is something we need to do. Thanks for looking out for her, Jacob. What time is your shift today.?"

"I have to be in at 2pm" Jake answers.

"Good. You get in the car as well then."

We both look at each other and go get in the car, Jake sits in the back with Esme and a beaming but tired and thin Tyler. My heart thumps just seeing him again and he reaches his hands out to me.

"Mama mama mama"

"Baby boy."

I feel the tears but ignore them as I sit beside Edward, turned in my seat to touch Tyler.

"You should put your seatbelt on." he orders so I reluctantly let the baby's hand go and click the belt into place.

"Where are we going?"

"How important is the blue dress? Do you want to collect it on the way?"

I stare at him and gasp a little.

"Not important."

If what is about to happen is what I think, I don't care what I am wearing.

"I filed everything the day we got engaged, there is no reason not to do this."

It isn't a question and so I just nod and gaze at the man I love with all my soul.

"Edward" Esme cautions me. "If you marry Bella and go ahead with the wedding to Victoria, you will be breaking the law."

"Do you really think a little crime like bigamy is even a worry to me, Mother?"

The judge stands before us and we before him and say our vows and Charlie holds the baby and grins like a Cheshire cat and Esme cries and Edward grabs me and kisses me like nobody is here watching.

Jake signs as our witness as does Carlisle.

Our simple gold bands glint in the sunlight.

"Edward, maybe you should.."

"I am not taking it off. Ever."

"Okay, dear."

"Sorry, Mother."

He kisses the top of her head and takes Tyler and we all head to the diner where Tyler sits on my lap and eats his own breakfast then grabs things off everyone else's plates.

"Thank God, he hasn't eaten properly in days."

"So, Edward, that was...unexpected. What happens now?"

"Now I go through with a travesty of a wedding and know even legally it means nothing.

You do understand I love Victoria like I loved Tanya?"

"Is love the word you mean?"

"Oh yes, Tanya and Victoria give the word a whole new meaning, believe me."

"You can't tell me what she has on you."

Edward looks distressed.

"Did you ever see that episode on CSI where the man goes to a party and stupidly, stupidly sleeps with a woman he doesn't know, and uses handcuffs on her and never speaks a word to her and she ends up with..some injuries of the sort that kind of debauchery leads to? She goes to the ER and has the injuries documented and she tells a very different story and it is recorded and then her child that resulted from that night almost drowns in a river and she thinks he does drown. Then foolishly the man appears in the media with his new fiancee, the woman he loves and wants to marry, and the mother has papers saying she has sole custody of the baby and even if he fights it in court, it would be years and years before he sees his son again? And she suggests they marry for one year then she will accept a payment to divorce him and leave him and the child in peace? And he is bound so tightly he cannot tell his finacee what is going on. Did you see that and understand it?"

"No, I believe I missed that one , but it sounds like he had no choice other than to comply."

"He certainly had no other choices available to him. The mother was a heartless bitch." adds Carlisle.

"And the little boy missed the fiancee so badly he refused to eat and fights going to sleep and cries for his Mama" added Esme, sadly.

I hugged Tyler in closer and kissed his messy hair.

"Did they come up with a solution?"

"Several. One that explains why the show is CSI, the other a more mature long term solution" said Carlisle. "We haven't seen the ending, it's on tivo. We are all anxious to see how it plays out and hopefully there wil be nothing that leads to police involvement."

He stared hard at Edward.

"The police around here are really busy and can be pretty inept" chimes in Charlie, earning a grin from Edward.

"Yes siree, so many stupid hikers who think 'Beware of the Bears' means please leave food scraps all around your tent and leave your tent flaps open at night so you get plenty of fresh air, and keep your food stored right beside your bed. Safest place for it. Especially if there are open packets...these thoughtless accidents happen all the time. Keeps me pretty darn busy."

"Dad!" I growl. "I am sure nothing like that will happen, will it Edward?"

"Probably not, because some Princesses would never go camping or hiking sadly. I was hoping there wouldn't be any hunting accidents because they can be messy, right Charlie, hard to know exactly what happened?"

"They can be a mystery all right, Edward, and if the victims get cremated by accident because the Police Chief forgets to hold the bodies for autopsy, well...these things have happened."

"Stop it, all of you. I won't let any of you do anything like that. Any accidents and I walk, understand? Edward? Dad? You two want to be around to see this baby born, you make sure you go along with whatever fuckery is necessary to get us free and clear legally and morally."

"Morally" snorts Edward. "I don't believe morals come into this story at all. I have an idea and I need to talk to Aro first and have things set up, but you and Jake and Charlie should all accept the wedding invitations and be there, okay? I think it will be a bigger and more memorable event that even Tanya's circus. You wouldn't want to miss it."

He lifted Tyler off me and handed him to Esme then took my hand and led me outside, leaning against the glass window, pulling me in close.

"A baby, Bella, our baby. I can't believe it. I have to find a way out of this mess."

His hands rested on my stomach and he lay his head against me and kissed my still flat belly.

"Hang in there, kid. I will find a way. Trust me."

"She does trust you, Edward and so do I. I know you will do the right thing, the thing we can both endure and live through and forget about in time because neither of us will have done anything wrong.

I can wait and every time you feel you can't wait, look at Tyler and look at this and know we will be a family soon. We all need you to do the right thing and have no regrets."

I pulled one of the scan photos I had planned to slip to him at the playground later out of my jeans pocket and handed it to him.

"You are enduring this for her, and for Tyler and for me, and we all love you and will wait forever if we must but just do what you have to do. We three all love you. Hold on to that fact."

I kissed him and he stared at the tiny black dot on the scan photo and smiled and kissed me again.

"Very well, Mrs Cullen. I will do it for you and our children."

Carlisle came out and reminded Edward they should get back to the house and he walked to Edward's car and came back with a box of sticking plasters and used one to cover the wedding ring on Edward's left hand.

"If you won't take it off, at least hide it. We don't want any accidents from her, either."

I held my hand out and he did the same to me.

Edward and I touched our bandaged fingers together and kissed, and laughed at the sheer joy and hope in our hearts.

We are together, she can't change that.

I know it's a crisis and it is serious but this too, shall pass.

X~x~X~x~X~x

"My head. What the fuck was in that coffee?" Victoria moaned as she walked past me and sank onto a chair as I finished my third coffee of the morning.

"I think maybe it was more a case of, what were you drinking last night? I have been sitting here drinking coffee all morning and I am fine."

"I thought you were desperate to go playdate with the ex."

"Don't ever call Bella my ex. She is my future. And she rang and asked we meet this afternoon. Tyler is napping, I will go to the playground after lunch, spend the afternoon with her."

"So, already you are delaying seeing her. The thrill gone already, Edward? You have no stamina when it comes to relationships."

"Bella is with me always, in here."

I tapped my chest where my heart lay.

"I am going to see my lawyer tomorrow, I want to have everything in place ready for the divorce."

"You can't wait for the wedding to at least happen first?"

"The wedding is a complete sham and you know it. I will be filing the day of the first wedding anniversary and we will separate. I don't care how or why, you can change your mind and ask for the divorce, I couldn't care what the press or anyone else thinks but I will not marry you until you sign our agreement that we dissolve the marriage immediately the one year is up and you also sign a statement stating I did not rape, molest, or abuse you in any way and the statement you gave at the ER that night is false and you retract it. You will also sign away your parental rights and agree to Bella adopting Tyler. I will not say a single word when it comes to our wedding vows unless those papers are signed on video, in front of witnesses, Carlisle and Jacob Black, for me, Laurent and James for you. Before the ceremony, understand? I will have my lawyer there and you will have Aro there."

"If I sign them beforehand, what is to stop you just walking away and not marrying me?"

"I swear I will marry you if that is what you still want at the time. I will not refuse to marry you unless you choose to not go ahead with the wedding, to not marry me. I am happy to put that in writing in front of witnesses."

I think Aro may be busy on our wedding day and send a stand in, if all goes to plan.

X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

"Mama mama mama" shrieked Tyler as he ran into Bella's open and waiting arms and she swung his body high in the air.

Laurent sat down at the picnic table and pulled out his sunglasses, bottle of water and newspaper.

"Just remember, Edward. Don't say anything you shouldn't because I have to report your conversations word for fucking word to Her Royal Bitchness."

I loved that Laurent hated her as much as I did. All he had told me was, they had been an item but once James showed up, he was history and James took the spot in her bed that had been Laurent's.

Bella knew she couldn't talk openly to me so we would simply play with Tyler and give him the good news that Bella had been ordered to turn up every morning and give him his breakfast, play with him until nap time, get him settled in his crib then leave and return at dinner time to feed, bathe and get him asleep at night. Victoria pretends she is doing this for him and his best interests but she slipped and added she couldn't take any more of his 'whinging and bellowing', and as I was paying Bella a wage, she should earn it. Bella was beside herself with happiness.

The only problem will be when Bella starts to show. She was all for telling Victoria she had another lover, Jake, and wasn't sure who the father was, but it rankled with me. I didn't see any reason not to tell the truth, that I am the father and she can just suck it up. I am 'marrying' her and spurning Bella, and she knows I was selfishly reluctant to embrace fatherhood the first time, she could easily conclude I was just as unenthusiastic this time.

I can openly tell her I am returning to Bella as soon as the pretend marriage is over, so she can live with it.

I am slightly worried she may try and harm Bella if she knows about our baby. I don't know the woman at all and she is cold towards Tyler then all over him, her mood swings are giving me whiplash. I don't know if she could be a physical threat so maybe I should swallow my pride and pretend the child is Jake's. If there is one thing Victoria can understand and relate to, it's cheating and immoral behavior. I am sure she will be easily fooled to thinking Jake and Bella still sleep together and always have. She would find the truth harder to believe.

As much as I hate to do this, I get Lizzie to confide in Victoria that she thinks Jake has gotten Bella pregnant. I am watching the conversation and Victoria's face lights up at the news of Bella's apparnet infidelity.

"Does Edward know?" she asks.

"I don't know but I think so. He rang Bella yesterday to confirm their playdate and she wasn't home, she had slept at Jake's again. She 'sleeps over' a lot. I like Jake but I know those two have been together since she was about fourteen, I guess it's more habit than anything else. They just have always slept over and in each other's beds, if you get my drift, and they don't want to give each other up. I mean, I am sure she does love Edward in her own way but I do worry if he will want her back if she has this kid of Jake's."

There, it is done. I will warn Bella when she gets here.

Tyler is happy to sleep the day away when Bella leaves and he is fretting already, waiting for her to come back.

Five o'clock on the dot she is at the door and Tyler rushes into her arms.

"Bella, I need to talk to you." I say, sounding a little bitter and pissed.

"What, Edward?"

She knows better than to be happy and affectionate around any of the staff and James is lazing on the couch, his eyes betray that he is listening intently.

"Tell me the truth. I know you and Jake have been together since you were just a teenager, and I know you slept in his bed again the other night. Are you pregnant?"

She blushed but knew where we were going.

"Edward, I explained how hard it is to leave Jake and be with you and you have chosen Victoria over me, so I think it's lucky for me I still have Jake. Jake will be a wonderful father when his child is born. Now accept things or don't, I have to watch you with her, just get over yourself and don't you dare act jealous. Now, if you will excuse me, I am here to work."

She stalked out of the room and James was grinning though he kept his head down and eyes averted.

I kicked the bookcase and stomped through the house, and kicked the back door open.

The next hour I paced the yard, pulling on my hair and kicking any stone or flower in my path.

Lizzie came out and pretended to calm me and I wrapped my arms around her and wiped an imaginary tear away and we went inside. I ignored Bella as she fed and bathed Tyler and she left without further eye contact with me.

I sulked all evening and sighed and Lizzie kept catching Victoria's eye and shrugging.

Finally, I stood and said a gruff Goodnight and went and paced in my room.

Then I dropped onto my bed and slept, happy stage one was over and established.

**Thanks for sticking with this story, you who are still reading and thanks for the great and unexpectedly trusting and positive reviews. If you have nothing to read, I posted my new story, Edward And I/Not All Edwards Are Named Edward, as a one shot so you could read that if you want. ;)**

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	13. Chapter 13

**LEMON ALERT, SKIP TOP HALF IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT, IRRELEVANT TO STORY.**

The Rage

Chapter 13

Teething Troubles

Tyler was happy to have me back but also things were beginning to catch up with him and he was restless and harder to settle, maybe he feared I would disappear whenever he went to sleep because he would fight going down for his nap, and now he had two bulging gums so two new teeth would soon appear.

It gave me an idea.

I lay him in his crib, still grizzling, and went into the sitting room.

"Victoria, I am not going to be your Nanny forever, once Jacob Junior...I mean, my baby is born, I am out of here so you should come learn what to do with Tyler. He is upset and has teeth erupting and that upsets his stomach so you need to change his diaper frequently and rock him in the chair and rub this gel on his gums and maybe give him a little baby Paracetamol, and if you lock the door so James or Laurent don't come in and disturb you just as he starts to drift off..."

"Enough! I get the picture. Edward! Go into the nursery with Bella and learn how to get that kid to sleep."

I scowled at her."No, you are his mother, you should do it."

"Don't tell me what to do, you are the hired help. Edward!"

Edward stood and sighed loudly and dropped his book onto his chair.

"What?"

"Tyler is your kid, you go learn how to settle him."

I snarled at him and he stomped in behind me and I shut the deadlock on his bedroom door and turned as he opened his arms to me.

"You are brilliant."

"Brilliant and horny as hell. Get your pants off."

"What would you have done if she had agreed to come and learn herself?"

"Oh, given her lots of details about how teething really, really upsets Tyler's digestive system."

"Does it?"

"No."

"Is he asleep?"

"I will check on him, you get naked."

Tyler had curled up and drifted off, as I knew he would once he had his pacifier and favorite blankie.

Brilliant Bella. I think I will have that tattooed across my forehead.

I pulled my dress off and returned to Edward's bedroom where he was clearly pleased to see me.

"He is sleeping like a baby."

I turned on the cd player so the room was filled with soft music, just to get Tyler to sleep, understand, not to cover any moaning and groaning that may occur, and stood beside the bed.

Edward reached up and caressed my belly and kissed it lightly.

I straddled his torso on the bed and he reached up and started to massage my breasts through the lace of my bra, sighing in a very different way and his fingers crept down and he slid himself lower on the bed and held my thighs apart as he kissed the lace of my panties.

"You seem to be rather damp, Mrs Cullen" he whispered.

I rocked against his mouth and he licked the silk of my panties until it was as wet outside as the inside.

It felt different, sort of restrained compared to when he licked my naked sex, but I was in no hurry and I rather liked it.

"Edwarddd" I purred and he smiled and sucked both the fabric and my clit into his mouth and flicked roughly with his tongue.

His hands were on my hips and he held me still and close as he worked me into a frenzy and I bucked against him, so he slid a single finger inside my sex and started curling it against my g spot.

He smirked as he pushed me over the edge but I was far beyond caring, the waves were slow and intoxicating and didn't slow down as he kept his tongue working me.

"Mmmmmm."

He flipped me suddenly and slid the wet fabric to one side and I groaned as he entered me, his hands firmly holding my backside and and pulling me up each time he plunged back in after almost withdrawing.

He slid my legs up so my feet rested on his shoulders and he pushed in deeper and rocked us together.

I wanted to scream and moan and let the world know just how good he felt but the music was not My Chemical Romance, dammit, I really should get Tyler used to their racket then we could go for it in a completely uninhibited way.

"Come on baby, do you like me in this deep? Tell me if you like it."

I moaned and bit at his shoulder when he was close to me and he laughed.

"I shall take that as a yes...God I love these panties, the lace feels so good rubbing against me as I come and go..speaking of coming..."

I let myself go again and felt him release inside me when my walls gripped him tightly.

"Bella, baby, baby, I love you. So much, so much."

He dropped my legs down again and stayed inside me as we sat face to face, and I put my arms around him, mirroring what he was doing to me.

"I want to stay inside, can we keep going, baby?"

"Yes, please" I murmured and nibbled on his earlobe.

I felt him harden again and sighed. I had been missing this, both the release and the connection.

"How long do you think it will take me to learn to settle Tyler?"

"Weeks, you are pretty slow."

"Am I really?"

He fastened up and leaned down to suck my nipple into his mouth.

"Maybe we should get you used to breastfeeding, I can teach you the basics" so he sucked on my coral pink tip as hard as he could and I felt response between my legs and rocked harder against him.

"Edwarddd."

"You seem to remember my name, baby. Come on, give it up for Edward."

Between his sucking and stroking and moving me up and down on his hard as a rock erection, I couldn't help but explode again and I flopped against him as he stilled and held me tight and came inside me again.

I was panting for air and he kissed my face.

"We are out of practice, we shall have to do this every ...single...day"

I had the strength to nod but nothing more and he lay me on his bed and curled his body around mine.

We could hear Victoria and James splashing about in the pool and Laurent grumbling about them getting his newspaper wet so we had time to sneak into his bathroom and share a shower, being careful to keep our hair dry.

Once we were clean and dressed again, my soaked knickers in my pocket, Edward went outside and griped about having to do everything for Tyler and how Victoria never helped and I lay on his freshly made bed and smiled.

Poor Edward. Stuck in here with Tyler every nap time from now on. I must not be a very good teacher, he just can't get that baby to sleep.

I went outside and sat in the chair beside Laurent and he grinned at me.

"Difficult toddler, hey?"

"Yeah," I answered.

I had a feeling Laurent saw straight through the ruse but he hated his boss as much as we did so I semi trusted him.

James was pulling Victoria's bikini top off with his teeth.

"So, when is this wedding?" I snarled.

"Next week, Saturday the 4th" answered Victoria. James looked forlorn at the idea she was marrying someone else. Laurent looked like he did not believe any of this, and I just looked confused. Genuinely.

"Edward, who is going to be Best Man? I expect Emmett, seeing he really is the best man, if you know what I mean."

She winked crudely at me and I cringed inside. I wasn't aware she had been with Emmett as well.

"I am hoping James will stand up for me" replied Edward.

I didn't quite get his strategy here but Edward never did anything without a reason these days.

James grinned and grabbed Victoria from behind and moved up so close to her I looked away, not really into real live porn right in front of me.

"I had better get home, Jake will be waiting for me. See you all at 5."

"We are going out to dinner tonight" Victoria informed me.

"Do I get invited to come with you?" asked Edward grumpily.

"No , you have a kid to settle, remember."

Darn, more baby settling lessons, how will we cope?

I ignored Edward and waved at Laurent and left.

Jake was waiting in his car and he raised an eyebrow.

"How is the charade playing out?"

"Oh, in a most satisfying way." I answered.

X~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x~X~x

We fell asleep in Edward's bed after 'settling Tyler' the next day but luckily Laurent knocked on Edward's door and gave us the heads up.

We hurriedly dressed and I walked out to the sight of Lizzie sitting on Jake's lap. I wondered how this would be fitting into our little game but Jake had it in hand.

"No, Victoria, Bella doesn't mind if I get some elsewhere. Pregnancy has turned her off sex, she is a frigid cow at the moment, aren't you Bells?"

I scowled at him and ran my fingers through his hair.

"It's not my fault. I can't control the way these hormones make me feel."

That was the truth.

"Yes, well, a man has needs" he said, nuzzling Lizzie's neck. I stomped away and Victoria laughed.

"God, you lot are so fucked up, if you ever decide to have one big orgy, make sure you invite us. I rather fancy Jake myself."

I suppressed a shudder and smirked at Jake. Haha. That's what you get for sleeping around while your shared girlfriend is pregnant.

Edward stood back and smiled at nobody in particular, I knew he was happy with the way things were going and I had hope the end was in sight. He was completely unfazed by the approaching nuptials, I had expected some angst and worry and regret and many apologies but he seemed completely calm and almost..happy?

I can't figure him out.

James as his Best Man, him insisting Dad and Jake and I all turn up, what was he up to?

Laurent took Edward and James for their suit fittings and Edward once again took us unawares by asking Laurent to be groomsman. He frowned but accepted.

I played with Tyler and talked to Jacob as Victoria told us about her spa day and hairdresser who was coming to the house the day of the wedding.

Victoria's dress was finished and was hanging in a spare bedroom and she had proudly showed it to me. It looked like something out of a Disney Princess movie. Fluffy and full and lots of white tulle. Very...virginal.

The vibe here is weirding me out.

Edward acts excited and I catch him grinning to himself, Victoria looks a little worried because of Edward's attitude, James is wary and glum and watches Edward like a hawk, and Edward is inviting every important person he knows or knows someone who knows, plus he is getting so much media coverage, they must be mistaking it for a Royal Wedding.

Why he wants this sham so well publicized, I have no idea.

Even in our private settling times, he just smirks or laughs out loud.

Charlie was as intrigued as I was and the day of the wedding I grabbed the wrapped gift Edward had told me to bring for Victoria, it felt like a photo frame, so with much hope and anticipation, off we went. Jake was with Lizzie but that rang no alarm bells these days, he spent his time at the Cullens either holding me and kissing my neck or kissing Lizzie.

Victoria thought the whole open relationship thing was awesome and had hinted more than once we should all get together, which make me want to puke in a non morning sickness way.

I have been lucky and so long as I eat early after waking, I hardly feel nauseous at all.

I guess today will be the test of how strong my stomach is.

Alice and Rose insisted on helping me dress and Edward had asked I wear the blue lace dress so as little sadly, I allowed my hand maidens to put it on me. Rose did my hair and added a few tiny sprigs of little white flowers and Alice did my make up.

Alice wore a pretty deep blue strapless frock with a waist and full shirt and Rose wore a slim fitting frock with a deep plunging back in the same color.

When we arrived, they were having their legal meeting, all signing papers and shaking hands with lawyers. Aro was there but Victoria's lawyer was a stand in as Edward predicted, apparently Caius had been offered a far more lucrative job representing some of Edward's companies today so he sent some new assistant, to Edward's joy.

Victoria looked radiant, so sure she was about to marry the virtually famous Edward Cullen.

Edward was standing close beside her and he looked amazing in his black tux. James and Laurent were similarly dressed, and all were wondering as we were, why Edward was so happy.

"Victoria, see the group with the woman in the red, Real Life magazine, and that group, My Time journal, and those over there, national news, and that's the crew from Gossip Inc..this wedding is going to be seen by maybe a million readers and watchers. Exciting, isn't it?

Yet he had hated his wedding to Tanya which was about one tenth of the size.

Aro nodded at Edward and shut his phone.

"All done."

Everything was signed and sealed, Victoria had retracted her ER statement, signed over her parental rights, and agreed to me adopting Tyler in one year's time.

For a man with a whole year of pointless marriage in front of him, Edward looked jubilant.

"Oh, Bella has a gift for you. Open it now."

He peeled the bandaid off his finger and did the same to mine as she opened the parcel.

Inside was our wedding certificate in a frame.

"What the fuck, Edward?"

"Oh, did I forget to tell you Bella and I got married? Sorry."

"You bastard. But you signed the agreement, you have to go through with our wedding."

"Sure, and I will if you want. But think about this, here we have the society wedding of the decade and everyone who is anyone is here. Right? And we have media coverage that will reach the entire country and be featured in at least five national magazines."

She frowned and nodded.

"And next week, when it get leaked to the media I am a bigamist, that will be an even bigger story and be even more widely covered. Gee, I never realized, it might be a little embarassing for you. I mean, I don't care, I am legally married to Bella. And she is carrying my child. Yes, mine, not Jacob's. Everyone expected that and it won't be a scandal at all. But you may look a bit silly."

Victoria growled and grabbed his hand.

"How fucking more silly can I look than if you stand me up at the aisle and don't go through with the ceremony today?"

"True. It's a shame you don't have someone else willing to marry you, dressed up in a tux and already sharing your bed."

"James?"

"Well. I agreed to marry you if you still want me to, but I guess if you choose James instead and get in every magazine because we two set up this romantic, surprise wedding for the man you love, how much better does that make you look? But you choose. Romantic blushing bride or foolish bigamist wife. Just let me know if I am the groom or the groomsman."

She raged inwardly and glared daggers at Edward but in the end, she graciously decided the big wedding was what she wanted and who the groom was as less important so when the men lined up in front of the judge, Edward held his hand up to quieten the crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming today, I just have to tell you all what's really going on. My dear friend Victoria and I have set up James here. He is Victoria's real boyfriend and he was heartbroken to be losing her to me today, and that would never happen seeing I married my wife Bella recently, in a private ceremony..so James..if you would step up and take your rightful place as groom."

James was stunned but Victoria gave him a smile and he stepped into the central position.

Edward moved to the far side, and the crowd murmured as he held his hand up again.

"And today I would like you to all also witness the reaffirmation of vows between my wife Bella and myself."

Camera's flashed and the biggest wedding of the year took place between two complete unknowns, but our vows straight after kept the crowd happy and my two best friends stood beside me, Alice handing me the pale pink rosebuds with baby's breath and violets, and I smiled and accepted I had the smartest husband in the world. Emmett and Jasper appeared at Edward's side from nowhere, both grinning away like they knew all along it would end this way, and Esme and Carlisle and Charlie all stepped forward and added Tyler to the mix.

"Mama. Dadda" he exclaimed and clapped his hands, so at least one guest approved of the outcome.

The journalists were keen enough to keep in Edward Cullen's good graces so they took a few photos of Victoria and James as well as us , and all in all, it was quite a nice wedding. I certainly enjoyed it.

Edward proposed the toast to the happy couple and James beamed like he had won the lottery.

There's no accounting for taste, one man's worst nightmare can be another man's dream bride.

X~XX~XX~XX~X

"Look at these, you three look amazing. And there is one picture of Victoria. Hey, she is smiling, who knew she could do that?."

Alice tossed the magazine down on the table and I fed Tyler his lunch as Edward and Emmett and Jasper did the manly grilling of the meat and us women made side dishes and minded the baby.

I had made three different deserts because everything seemed like it needed a triple celebration nowadays.

"Surprise Switch of Grooms at the Aisle" and "Edward Cullen Pulls Off Secret Merger" were the most common headings and there were more photos of Edward and I than of the newly married couple, but news was news and Victoria had plenty of pictures to cut out and put in her scrapbook.

She had accepted Edward's wedding present of a large check and the honeymoon airline tickets, and that was the last we saw of her, and James. Laurent left the next day to visit Tanya, who had spent the entire wedding glued to his arm so she could get into the photos as well, so, there you go.

Sometimes a war can be diverted with brainpower and common sense. And Edward out maneuvering his enemies.

**Sorry its shorter, see you tomorrow. (I am at work today, shhh!)**


	14. Chapter 14

The Rage

Chapter 14/ Epilogue

And Now We are Four

"Push Bella" I encouraged my wife, as the doctor stood and waited for the head to crown.

"How about you push? How about we swap places and you get this damn watermelon out? I carried it for nine months, when the hell do you do your bit?"

I wiped her forehead free of sweat and chuckled at her rage.

"I believe I put it in you. That was my bit."

"Lucky you then. Lucky men. I hate men. I am never having sex again" she yelled.

My fingers feel like she has maybe snapped a couple, she is holding on so tightly.

"Get this out of me,,,,aauugh!"

"Maybe she should have an epidural?" I suggested again.

I hate seeing her suffer, even if it is for a good cause.

The best.

"The head is crowning. Now, just pant, Bella." he orders and Bella goes very pale and pants.

"Shit shit shit. Why did we do this again?"

"Because we want our beautiful baby , remember."

"We already have Tyler and someone else had to suffer to get him here. God, this was not one of my better ideas."

"Now I need one really big push, Bella. That's it, good girl, keep it going."

Bella is now beet red and gritting her teeth as she bears down.

"Here we are, it's a girl."

The doctor holds up our naked, screaming messy daughter and Bella smiles, then passes out from the sight of the blood.

It was expected, we knew she would never get through without seeing some blood.

The baby is screaming and indignant at be gawked at probably.

I hold Bella's hand and watch the nurses checking her vitals.

The doctor is delivering the placenta and hurrying to get her cleaned up so she can enjoy the new baby when she comes around.

The nurses strip everything away and clean my wife up and dress her and the dirty linen is removed from the room.

It is going to be a few rough weeks while she bleeds from the birth.

The plans are, to keep her in hospital for about two weeks so the worse bleeding is over when I take her home, then I will assist her and blind fold her for showers etc.

It's the price we pay to have a family, and I am not the least bit put off by having to attend to my wife.

My concern is, when I have to leave the children in her sole care, because kids fall and scrape their knees and bleed. And she can't help but collapse at the sight of blood.

I am rearranging all my staff because for the early years, at least, I will have to be home virtually 24/7 so my companies have to run without my presence. They have done so in the past but now I simply won't even be dropping by now and then.

If I am needed, Esme can stay with Bella and the kids.

"Edward, would you like to bathe your daughter or will I?" asks the nurse.

I am torn. I don't want to leave Bella but she will miss all this.

"I will. I will be right there."

I lean in and kiss my beautiful wife and follow the nurse out.

The baby has a mass of hair, so I have to thoroughly wash it over and over to get every speck of blood out. It's coppery and will satisfy any lingering doubts that this is my child, not Jacob's.

It would have had to be immaculate conception to be his but the scandal magazines have held out hope the baby will be a black haired, brown skinned "Surprise Package for Edward Cullen". I can imagine the headlines they had waiting to use.

Her skin is pale, white, even lighter than Bella's and mine.

Her eyes are almost fully green already, very little baby slate blue.

She has Bella's pretty mouth and eyebrows.

And the tiniest button nose.

"What's her name?" asks the nurse.

"Still undecided. Bella hopes she would take one look at her and know what the perfect name is for her."

"Good luck with that."

"Yes. I wanted to settle on the name beforehand. But Bella knows what she wants."

"My first daughter was weeks old before we named her. I mean, there were six granddaughters already in the family so the good names were all taken. Then with my second, my sister had her fourth that day as well. I decided to go with Fleur..I mean, how uncommon is that? Guess what my sister named her daughter? Fleur. Can you believe it? Neither of us were willing to change so my parents have two granddaughters born the same day, both Fleur."

"That won't be a problem. We have a son but my siblings haven't got any children yet. This is the first granddaughter."

Mind you, the pregnancy test stick with the "Yes you are' smiley face in Lizzie's bathroom I saw when I used her shower yesterday suggests she and Jacob have an announcement or two to make. They have not been apart since our wedding renewal, and he lives more at my house than at his.

Not that it matters, Bella and I are in our new house now so who lives in the main house has no effect on us. I know she enjoys having Jacob around and she loves that he is engaged to my sister.

"Nice. A boy and a girl. How lucky you two are. How old is your son?"

"Tyler is not yet two."

"Oh, nice and close. That should mean he will accept her fairly easily."

"I hope so."

Bella was in her private room when I pushed the plastic crib down the hallway and into her room.

"As usual, I miss everything." she complained.

"Well, you were awake for the actual birth and saw her once, so that was more than I expected."

"I would have liked to sleep through that delivery, actually."

I handed our precious new child to Bella and she smiled and traced a finger around her cheeks.

"She is the baby I dreamt about."

"Really?"

"Yep, exactly. She looks like you. And me. I hope she has your grace."

"I hope she has your soul. And neither of our tempers."

"Yes, it would be good to have a nice, calm member of the family."

"Tyler is amazing, especially considering his genes."

"He is all you, Edward. A clone child."

"Don't say that, I am hoping he is the new, improved he has so many of my bad habits already, poor boy."

"You survived, and he will too."

"But will those who surround him?"

"Here, you take Zoe and I am getting up and the nurse can help me have a proper shower, I feel like I am only half clean."

The nurse came in and blindfolded Bella and walked her into the adjoining bathroom.

"Hello, Zoe. I didn't even know that was on the list of possibilities. But I like it. Zoe Isabella Cullen."

Carlisle and Esme appeared at the door and I welcomed them in and handed Zoe to my Mom.

"I just want to get the name on the birth registration papers before Bella changes her mind."

Write child's name here. Please note, make sure of spelling, as this cannot be altered later other than by deed poll.

ZOE ISABELLA CULLEN.

When Bella came back, and climbed onto her bed, I handed the papers to her to sign as well.

"Isabella?"

"Yes, Isabella. Don't screw your nose up like that. She deserves to have your name in hers."

"Fine. Zoe Isabella. I can live with it, I hope she can."

"You are so funny, your name is beautiful. It suits you. And Zoe Isabella suits her."

Alice and Rose both approved of the names and Alice particularly loved it.

I hope she will have a beautiful life, like her name promises. Zoe means life, Isabella means beautiful. Perfect."

Bella opened the gifts and the women exclaimed over the tiny pink dresses and finally, they all left and I went and got Tyler and Charlie and they got to have a private visit. Tyler was delighted with the large parcel Zoe had thoughtfully bought for him and he sat on the floor drawing in his new book and holding his new teddybear.

Charlie was enchanted by the baby and cried a few tears.

"I remember when you were this tiny and had a little face like hers, so pretty. Though the hair is going to need plenty of ribbons to control it" he chuckled.

Poor Zoe. The messy hair was fine on men, it was simply labeled sex hair. Girls might not be so fond of it on their own heads.

"Her hair is beautiful" said Bella."At least she didn't get my boring brown. Oops, sorry dad."

We all laughed and I held my little girl against my chest and kissed her coppery mess of curls.

Charlie and i took Tyler home and I followed Bella's nightly routine and got him settled into bed and read him several new books about big brothers and little sisters .

"Mama?" he asked, hopefully.

"Soon, Tyler. They will come home soon and we will be the family I never knew I wanted until Bella brought you to me."

I still wished I could go back and at least be civil to her that day.

She saved my son's life and I had been a prat. I knew she had long forgiven and forgotten but I wished I could have more control of myself. I was improving, since the whole Victoria incident, I hadn't even felt slightly angry about anything.

I was blessed and I knew it.

I was redeemed, even though I had always thought that ship had sailed long ago.

I have a wife and two children and a perfect life now.

I will do everything in my power to keep it that way.

Alice and Jasper were on night duty with Tyler and I grabbed a pair of flannel pajamas and headed back to the hospital and found my wife and daughter asleep, so I changed and spooned myself around Bella and joined them.

Zoe woke up a few hours later so I rang for a nurse to assist Bella and walked the floor with the hungry baby, then helped..well, watched..the breastfeeding. Bella was so good , like a natural.

"I have done this before" she winked and reminded me.

"How many months do you plan to feed her?" I asked.

"Are you asking because you care about her nutrition or you want to know when you get your playthings back?"

"Is both an acceptable answer?"

"You could always share. If you are good."

I resolved to be very good.

"So, six to eight weeks until we can make love. We will have to be inventive."

"Bella, stop talking about sex now. I can wait but I don't need reminding."

"Good because you will have to remind me. I will miss sex."

"I know you will. Only, didn't you swear to never have sex again when you were in Delivery?"

"Only sex that leads to babies. Two are good, right? We don't need more?"

"I don't think we have to decide just yet. But two are good. It's probably best we don't allow them to outnumber us."

"Good point. And we have one of each, there's no further varieties."

"Wait until Alice and Rose and Lizzie start having kids, I bet you will be begging for 'just one more baby'."

"Maybe. But for now, I just want a long and happy life with you and our kids, agreed?"

"Whatever you want, my love."

Bella slept and I walked the floor with Zoe, asleep on my shoulder.

I sat down and held her out on my forearm and examined her sleeping face. She was beautiful and would be such a source of joy to us all. My little girl. So special. Bella's first biological child. I hoped she would want to do this again one day.

I wonder if she will want to give birth to a son, although I know she sees Tyler as her own child, she truly loves and accepts him as hers.

Let's face it, she loved him before I did.

She is truly a better person than I am and I know how lucky I am to have her in my life.

I stepped into a parallel universe when I met Bella and she changed everything but mostly she changed me.

I lay Zoe back in the crib and lay down beside my Bella.

She smelled sweetly of baby powder and milk and happiness.

Much as I look forward to our physical reconnection, this next six weeks will let us become closer in other ways and I look forward to that too.

Just to being Edward and Bella.

The luckiest couple ever.

The End


End file.
